• Tue, Dec 7 2010

The President Of Botswana Wants To Get Married! No Fatties Need Apply!

Great news, ladies! The 57 year old President of Botswana is ready to settle down. But he’s looking for special attributes in a wife. He wants her to be “slim and beautiful.”

Oh, and then he illustrated the point by pointing to the Assistant Minister of Local Commerce and declaring, ‘”I don’t want one like this one. She may fail to pass through the door, breaking furniture with her heavy weight and even break the vehicle’s shock absorbers.”

Okay, President Ian Khama of Botswana, we’re going to talk a little bit about your public image, now.

I don’t really find that incredibly shocking that a president of a country wants to marry a woman who is slim and beautiful. I think most people have a type, and that’s valid. It’s unfortunate and unfair that we don’t judge people entirely for who they are on the inside, but okay, he’s entitled to a preference. But the man is a politician addressing a nation where women tend to be heavy-set. This just seems like a move that will make them all hate you.

Look, President of Botswana, you may well want to marry Miss Botswana, as some people are suggesting. I would like to marry a smoking hot billionaire poet (Sheikh Hamdan, I wait by the phone all day) but when strangers ask me I try to be polite and shoot for more common qualities like “a sense of humor.”

I don’t immediately jump to “and then I want him to read me some Frank O’Hara while we sip Bollinger on his jet” I go with something like “I would like someone who is funny.” Partly because I don’t want to limit my options, but partly because it seems considerate to be open to more people and not completely superficial. Partly that’s true, and partly I am just hoping that any billionaire poets with a sense of humor in the vicinity will be impressed by how warm and welcoming I am. This is sort of like lying, but also sort of like being polite, and, as Gossip Girl taught me last night “between absolute truth and a Marlin’s jersey lies the better part of decorum.”

Saying that your only criteria in a woman is that she be thin and beautiful just seems, well, it seems a little shallow. Maybe you could have lead with “I’d like her to have a good heart and a good sense of humor” and then sort of slip “thin and beautiful” in there. Because, just as Sheikh Hamdan probably doesn’t want to be wanted for being a billionaire philanthropist poet, thin beautiful women don’t want to be wanted just for being thin and beautiful.

Basically, president of Botswana, I’m saying you’ll appeal to more thin and beautiful women if you don’t go around making fun of overweight women in public. Because, seriously, now we all just think you’re a jerk.

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  • Marvy

    What does it say about me that I was considering contacting this man??? I am not at all attracted to him but right now I am extremely tired and feeling lazy and think that working is bollocks…