• Tue, Dec 14 2010

How to Go Home With a Bro

One of the most frat-boy-licious sites on the internet, BroBible.com, has a special section devoted to girls they’d like to bring home to mom.

It’s a top honor, you know, going home with a bro — you might get the chance to witness a full-blown hometown bro-out, complete with repeated hug/backslap combos, fist bumps, and hollering of “OOOHHHH!” while flapping a hand in the air with a hat turned backwards and a collar popped.

So how can you be the lucky lady that witnesses this primal display of bro-ness, and also have the pleasure of meeting a woman who raised a bro? Let’s take a look:

Be Southern
The bros themselves admit that Southern ladies (lucky you, Lilit!) have the good looks, charm and values that they’re looking for in a girl-bro — or, in their own words: “Like I say all the time to the future college applicants: go south young man, go south.”

Have communicative eyes
The eyes of girls that bros want to take home to their moms communicate one of three things, none of which I would think a mom wants to see, but then again, I’m not the matriarch of a pro-bro family, so what do I know:

1. I have no self-esteem, please love me.

2. I am full of girl-bravado: I will drink you under the table from age 18-25, then I will have a massive quarter-life crisis and rethink everything I’ve ever believed to be true, or settle into marriage as an alcoholic.

3. I’m awesome, and you, bro, will never land a girl as good as me (somewhat fewer and farther between, but they exist).

Have a mouth tattoo.
No fewer than two of their 12 GTBHTM have tattoos inside their mouths.

Have your career goals revolve around your future husband.
Dream jobs of GTBHTM include first lady, politician’s wife, and homemaker.

Love sports, whether you love sports or not.
There is nary a GTBHTM who can’t rattle off her favorite college and NFL teams. Because, duh, watching sports is how women bond!

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  • Megan

    Can’t lie. Only reason I read this post (having had my fill of bros in college) was the adorable cat picture. Mad props on the kitty. I want to snuggle him.

  • ellie

    also. be blonde.