Natalie Portman Is Not Defending Her Eating Habits Well Enough

Amid accusations that she look terrifyingly thin in The Black Swan, Natalie Portman told Vogue:

A vegetarian at home and a vegan when out, she orders a thoroughly eccentric meal: field greens followed by a soft pretzel with mustard, and an elderflower spritzer.

“Is that it?” I ask.

“I swear, I eat. I ate a bagel an hour ago. I consume my own weight in hummus every day. I cook a lot, and I even do vegan baking.

“I like pleasure, I like joy. I’d never get to the point where I would starve or injure myself like Nina does. I’m the opposite—when I’m hungry, I eat, and I always make sure I’m eating something delicious. I’m tough on myself in terms of the standards I want to live up to, but that’s also part of my pleasure: knowing you are being your fullest self. Being your fullest self is a lot of work.”

Okay, that’s probably true. Natalie Portman seems like a pretty levelheaded young lady. My problem is that when starlets exclaim “I eat!” they always follow it up with something like… a bagel.

Or, “I eat! I had some cauliflower!” These things are not impressive. These are things that normal human beings eat all the time. You want to correct your image? You have to make it clear that you are a monstrous, terrifying glutton. Here are some things that I think would make that point more effectively than “a bagel”:

A side of beef

An entire pupple. Not a piece of pumpple. An entire pumpple. And I’m ready for more.

A human infant, because I mistook it for a large, squalling meatloaf.

Everything Joey Chestnut ate. I can take that pansy.

I hardly eat. Like today, I had 7 fried twinkies and Aussie Fries. Because I have to sacrifice for my art, you know?

Reporter, I challenge you to a pie eating contest. Throwdown starts now.

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    • Emily

      I like that she’s being a bit more honest about what she eats. She probably doesn’t eat much junk food. I get more pissed off with models who talk about how much pizza they eat. No they don’t. Natalie Portman has a bagel with humus, then some veggies for dinner. She’s not starving, but it’s probably more extreme than most of us are willing to go

      • E

        What is so extreme about a bagel with hummus and some veggies? Or about a salad with a soft pretzel and something to drink?

      • M

        The average bagel can have easily 400 calories. That’s not exactly an insignificant amount of food for a pre-meal snack [or a meal closely followed by a snack, depending on which way you think about it], especially since most people don’t eat bagels naked.

        Generally regarding the ‘But she’s so skinny in Black Swan!’ comments: yes she is, but I’m not surprised she got thin training for and filming Black Swan. Tons of physical activity = tons of calories burned. When my boyfriend did water polo in high school he literally brought a ziploc bag full of mashed potatoes and a tupperware full of steak for lunch every day [his mom made a lot of Costco runs]. And lunch was far from his only meal of the day; he would sometimes get out of the pool in the middle of practice to eat more because he needed it. And while no one is going to look at him and say ‘Oh no, you’re painfully thin, you must not ever eat’ because of the swimmy-muscles, he does have very little body fat. When he essentially didn’t eat for awhile [in the hospital following a car accident] he dropped fifty or sixty pounds in two weeks.

        On the other hand, I also understand that this article is not exactly going for the true-to-life realism. And I would definitely be entertained watching ANYone try to eat an entire pummple.