Relationship Advice From The Duggars: No Thank You

In the past, you and I have talked at great length about people we don’t want sex and relationship advice from. The conclusion we’ve come to, as I understand it, is that we actually don’t want sex and relationship advice from anyone, because no one knows what kind of sex and/or relationship you want better than you.

But it seems as though our message hasn’t reached the masses yet, ladies. Because no matter how hard we try to tell people that we don’t want their advice, those willing to dispense it seem to crawl out of the wordwork like…well, like babies crawl out of the wombs of women who believe in letting God decide how many kids they have.

And speaking of, guess who the latest person to try his hand at this age-old tradition of handing out unsolicited advice is? Jim Bob Duggar, of TLC’s “19 Kinds and Counting.”

On TLC’s website, Jim Bob lists ten ways to improve your relationship. Let’s take a closer look at some of them, shall we?

#10: Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, If you have any conflict, resolve them as quickly as you can the day it happens before the sun goes down. First of all, conflict is singular. Second of all, the other way to handle this is to fight until you’re both so exhausted that you fall into bed and pass out, which really makes for a surprisingly sound sleep. Then when you wake up, it’s like nothing ever happened!

#9: The closer a husband and wife get to God, the closer they get to each other. The farther away they get form God, the farther away they get from each other. And if they are atheists or agnostic, they are doomed to walk this life in miserable, depressed solitude until their untimely death, at which point they will find themselves burning forever in the fires of hell.

#5: Ask your wife what home repair projects would be important to her, and be sure to get them done! Actually, I think that’s awesome advice. Get thee to the leaky faucet and tighten, man!

#3: Praise your wife and children ten times more than you correct them. Women, like dogs, learn via repetition — and live to please you. Praising your wife will let her know she has succeeded.

#1: Be fruitful and multiply. Ignore scientific evidence that questions whether couples who have children are actually happier than those who don’t. Besides, your wife’s womb belongs to you (and to God!).

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    • Diane

      Where do I begin with how wrong these people are?

    • Alex

      Although #1 is a little ridiculous, the other 9 certainly are not. I have been married for many, many years, and I know for a fact that if these were followed your marriage would definitely improve. And as for #9, I think you’re taking it a little extreme. Being closer to God can mean charity, selflessness, and humility. Things that are necessary in a marriage.

    • macalny

      Forget whether having children makes couples happier, what about the goddamn planet??! Where are their 19 (and counting!) children going to live? Get their food and water? What will happen to the waste they create? Don’t you love how these wing nuts insist on having tons of kids yet clearly do not care about the world they are leaving their children?? Think about the impact of your decisions, people! I don’t know how these jerks sleep at night, the way they’re ruining the planet for everyone. UGH.

    • Tess

      Even though I don’t agree with the Duggars’ personal lifestyle choices, most of this is actually pretty good advice. Don’t you think you’re being a little unfair to them? Also, why would you not want relationship advice? Even though every relationship is different, it can be really helpful to learn from other people’s mistakes so you don’t repeat them yourself. It seems a little arrogant to eschew all advice on principle.

    • Bluie

      @tess – I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth

    • lo

      I really don’t think these are all that bad, either… anything can be read into to make it sound worse/more sexist/whatever than it was meant to be. My grandfather always used to say “never go to bed angry,” and he and my grandmother were very happy together. I also notice that the marriage tips that were left out here had a lot to do with HIM going out of his way to please HER (dates, gifts, love notes, respect). These things are OK, but a wife shouldn’t have to be held responsible for pleasing her husband as well? But maybe that’s just me reading into things too much.
      As for #3… I don’t really look at it like a Pavlovian experiment, and I honestly don’t think JB does, either. I came from a home where my father criticized EVERYTHING we did, whether outright, or passive-aggressively. No one measured up, did anything right, didn’t annoy him, didn’t do something wrong… it’s exhausting trying to keep the peace with someone who clearly will find fault with everything. I think it’s important to give validation that you do value your family and how they all work together for a common good. It’s not praise in a “good dog! now go fetch my slippers” sense so much as it is appreciating the fact that these other people exist and care about you. Without that, you’re essentially just roommates and not a functioning family. I know we would all be a lot happier if we could remember the times he was nice to us, instead of being a total jerk.
      That being said, if my future husband ever expected me to have a million children, we would have more than enough conflict to work out before we went to sleep… no amount of dates and love notes would get me to pop out babies like that.

      • lo

        I did not realize how long and ranty this would look when I clicked post… sorry about that :(

    • Sarah

      @Alex – i don’t see how charity is an essential part of a good relationship, except perhaps where one partner is ugly

    • Marilyn

      THey need to stop putting these people on TV. John & Kate, OctoMom it ALL needs to stop….their lifestyles are not normal. If that’s what they want to do then so be it but I don’t think they need to be giving out advice!

    • GGates

      I really can’t stand listening to or watching the Duggars. Money hungry and fully exploiting the children who are raising themselves and each other. Sad sad