Sometimes, after three hours of opening gifts and pretending to smile at children, you just want to get the hell out of your family’s holiday celebration. But it’s a delicate situation — your great-aunt traveled for hours to get there, your brother brought the baby, you’re supposed to care because it’s Christmas.
You need a foolproof excuse to get the eff out of there. Doesn’t mean you won’t come back — what are you, a barbarian? It just means that you need to excuse yourself, take a Quaalude, relax, and rejoin later. Here are five things you can tell people that will buy you at least an hour of alone time:
- Your friend’s car broke down. How sad! On Christmas!
- Someone needs to be taken to “the clinic.” Unlikely that anyone will ask you for more details than that.
- You’s like to go drop gifts off for needy children. How nice! On Christmas!
- Your BFF’s husband announced that he’s leaving her. How sad! On Christmas!
- You left your medication at home.