10 New Year’s Resolutions You Might Actually Keep

The week between Christmas and New Year’s is a breeding ground for bad ideas. The leftover sugar cookies are devoured with abandon. The guy you hooked up with at your company holiday party is suddenly your prime choice for a New Year’s Eve date. But the worst idea is public: You post some awful resolutions on Facebook. Lose ten pounds. Hit the gym at least four times a week. Cut down on drinking. Take them down before anyone comments. Like I said, these are bad ideas.

The only thing worse for your soul than diet, exercise and sobriety is publicly announcing your plans to diet, exercise and forgo drinking. Not that there is anything wrong with these respectable resolutions. They’re just a pain in the ass. Save the diet for bathing-suit weather and the workout for the spring.

To usher in 2011 right, I’ve provided you with ten tried-and-true New Year’s resolutions you might actually keep. So go ahead and post these on Facebook. Come March, you’ll be laughing at the failed dieters and bragging about your willpower.

1. Take more bubble baths. Cut down on those showers and splurge on some Mr. Bubble. A lady is entitled to some relaxing alone-time, and there’s nothing more calming than a foamy bath with a good glass of wine and a few candles. Leave your BlackBerry in the bedroom: This is a no-work zone. Bring your favorite magazine, book or catalogue and a bunch of warm towels, and lock the door. Things are about to get indulgent.

2. Have more sex. Sometimes, we get busy. We get tired and grumpy and frazzled and just want to be alone. But for those of us in long-term relationships—or for those of us who, you know, have no qualms about their bedmates—it’s important to remember to have sex. Make love. Do it. Whatever your preference. Show your partner you love him or her, and get some love back. Sex is the ultimate aphrodisiac—the more you have it, the more you want it. And it’s great for your glutes.

3. Paint your own nails. Save the weekly $15 you shell out to Tina across from your office. Head to Duane Reade and pick up a two-sided file, your favorite colors and a bottle of top coat. Learning to do your own nails is not only therapeutic (I zone out in front of the TV Sunday nights), but it will save you a ton of money. Take the $780 you saved by painting your own nails in 2011 and go somewhere warm for 2012.

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    • Christy Ann

      Ugh! Yet another list of things we already know but do not have time to do or have already made a priority. This is the same take on this subject that we have read for the last 20 years. How about number 11 should be…the gloss needs to take a fresh look at an old topic!

      • JLove

        That’s exactly the point Christy Ann about it being the same stuff for the past 20 years. This advice is sound, its good to make yourself a priority. If it weren’ true or common knowledge it wouldn’t still be around. You have the time in your schedule, you just need to sit down and see what you actually do with your time during the week. You would be surprised at the hour or two you actually find in your schedule.

    • Bilbo

      OMG! I just saw Ms. Kaplan on a TV Guide channel special. She was just doing comedy commentary, but OMG OMG OMG she is sooooo hot! Thank God for my DVR! They can NOT show enough of this gorgeous woman! I want more!

    • Frranky

      Lindsay is gorgeous. But she comes off as a snob. Which is really unattractive to me. But that’s just me. I appreciate her pov tho. I enjoy her writings and tweets.

    • Jay Gillespie


      I resolve to write, record and release a song complete with music video for every major holiday this year.

      -Jay Gillespie USL

    • JC

      1: don’t die
      2: when handing sharpened screwdrivers to friends, remember to give them the handle end
      3: eat more yard waste
      4: tell more 9/11 jokes that include the words “lasagna” and “chortle”
      5: no more giving birth anally
      6-10: yes