The 10 Worst Beauty Product Names Ever

What’s in a name? A lot, if it’s something you want me to pour in my hair or smear on my face. These ten products have such absurd names it’s surprising anyone buys them.

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    • MelbaToast

      I can only assume that Svetlana’s Breath smelled like vodka, borscht, and the stench of fear (with a hint of patchouli, because she looks like that type of girl). Also, I nominate Nads Hair Removal for this list.

    • Elizabeth

      Chicken Poop is revolting. It’s been around for several years. Maybe people call it as gag gifts?

      I’m surprised that Not Soap, Radio bath products is absent from this list. It’s such a stupid name. The explanation on their webisite of the name doesn’t clarify anything:
      “The name, Not Soap, Radio, comes from the punch line of a nonsense joke my friends and I used to tell each other when we were younger.
      The joke went like this:
      There are two polar bears taking a bath. One polar bear says to the other, “Please pass the soap.” The other bear turns to him and says, “Not Soap, Radio.”
      And everyone in on the joke laughs hysterically. It was our secret language.
      We knew things.”

    • Japheaux

      I see Screaming Sphincter Hot Sauce here in Texas. I often wonder why folks just not forgo the stomach and just use it like Prep H?

    • Max

      I can’t believe you left off “Gorila Snot” hair gel!

    • Kate

      her name was glowla is actually a pretty great palette

    • Amita

      Ooh, ditto on Nads! I see that advertised on the subway and it does not make me want to deppilate.

    • Lala

      To be fair, Fat Girl Scrub is a sister product to Fat Girl Slim, which is actually kinda funny.

    • ltg

      Mane and Tail was originally sold in feed stores for use on horses. Since they had such a following of humans buying the stuff to use on themselves, they kept the original names on the products.

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