• Mon, Jan 3 2011

What Your Nail Shape Says About You

When your manicurist asks you “square or round?” she’s really asking you “what kind of person are you? DECIDE NOW.” So here is an illustrated guide to assist you. I have made it helpfully specific/accurate.

What We're Reading:
Share This Post:
  • Lg

    I take offense. I have almond shape and I don’t pretend to like ramen, I LOVE it!

  • Ellen W.

    “Your favorite drink is champagne, but you feel it’s showy to order it, so you order Reisling”

    I seriously thought I was the only person who did that!

    • Jennifer Wright

      You are NOT alone! That’s why I keep 10 bottles of champagne in my apartment for my personal consumption!

    • Lauren

      That’s exactly what I do!

  • ellie

    darn it…I got pearls for Christmas and everything…

  • Catherine Cain

    “You have some manner of regional dialect”

    Gosh darn it, how’d y’all know?

  • Eileen

    Almond, but I don’t drink coffee except during finals – just green tea and/or hot chocolate with skim milk. In other words, LIES! ;)

    • Jennifer Wright

      I sit on a throne of lies. I’m proud of it. It’s real pretty.

  • jen

    what about people who don’t do anything to their nails except clip them when they get too long/dirty? i never file mine, nor do i bite them, and my nails don’t fit any of these categories. :(

  • Soos

    Yeesh! All I know is: I am NOT a dinosaur!

  • Gabbi

    Looking at the options you just gave me, i really can’t decide what shape i’m going to get myself next. It’s like i can identify with all of those characters, except maybe the dinosaurs. Meh, i’ve got ten fingers. There’s plenty of space for variety.

  • Annie

    This is the best description of ANYTHING, EVER!!!! You are truly hilarious!

  • JEeBus!

    Hahaha Isn’t physical stereotyping fun? Like how in elementary school ALL girls who wore french-braids with bows were into horses? Totes.

  • CRay

    Really?! Who writes this stuff?

  • CRay

    Really?! Who writes this stuff?

  • marszi

    I can’t even tell you how weirdly accurate this was about me. i bite my nails and my favorite drink totally is mulled wine! how did you do this?
    i really hope i’m not that depressing and paranoid. ugh!

  • Cdhbart

    This is the problem now, foul mouthed journalist think it is cool and so it is seen by everyone, young people who are influenced by their lack in vocabulary.
    Please… does everything have to be analyzed and reported as if this is funny ?
    Is there a better way to spend your time? I think so, like go back to school and how bout learn what class and editing and tack are.

    • Jennifer Wright

      Tack? Wait, that means… THE SCHOOL IS GOING TO BE ON A SAILBOAT!? Oh, of course it is, that’s where everyone learns about class. Sign me up!

    • Dorrie

      CCdhbart,

      Talk about going back to school – with no less than seven grammatical and punctuation errors in your brief and rambling post, perhaps you are the one most in need of further education.

  • S.

    Strangely accurate.

    I really like your writing style. Keep rollin’ girl, keep rollin’.

  • Marisa

    Mine are almond shaped… this was completely accurate. You’re good.

  • smstrausbaugh@aol.com

    Ha !! Funny but doesn’t fit for me. I have had sqaure shape for 20 years but my personality is exactly like the “round” description. BUT… I have been thinking I should change to round. Square is to me somewhat 80′s, I am just a creature of habit !!

  • poncho’s kid

    I like round nails – & pearls. But I bite my nails terribly unless I keep the fake ones done at the nail salon. So according to the description of my personality, I’m a mess – but loving it.

  • Mikala

    Jennifer Wright, this pseudo-psychological article screams “I am unintelligent so I over stereotype in hopes to set a new precedent”. Poor writing coupled with even worse ideology makes this article a joke. Would it kill you to research what you write about rather than just writing your feeble-minded assumptions?

  • RaivynSkye

    You have thoroughly cracked my ass up. :) Even my husband is over there laughing at the dinosaur comment. Good stuff (and actually pretty accurate, at least as far as the almond shape nails go, well, except for the ramen thing. I have no opinion about ramen.) BTW, now you have me feeling bad for the pointy nailed ladies out there.

  • orig_q_t_pie

    OMG! So I can pick out one thing out of each column that pertains to me easier to list the doesn’t pertain to me… Round tips: everything except, I don’t drink, I don’t play the victim, and I HATE pearls… Square tips: Everything except, I would NOT allow my 10 yr old girl to wear sweatpants with any word emblazoned across the butt. There’s no Juicy Couture anywhere in my closet, and again, I don’t drink…

    Pointed tips: I really would cut a bitch. Def not affraid of the world, really don’t want to be held, and DEF do not brush up against people ANYWHERE (i could catch something). (and yes my fav drink is a mint choc chip milk shake! LOL)… Almond Tips: it’s so NOT hard wanting so damn much. I do eventually end up with what I want. I am a girl in the world, but I know how to use it! I don’t wear berets, I like pony tails. Hair in my face makes me violent. I hate coffee, and I do not have a boss, but I am generally indifferent towards them when I do.

    Bitten nails: Yep, I am pretty paranoid. But, I am NOT fascinated by the apocalypse, relaxation is NOT stressful. You would LOVE it if Heaven were a garden. You hope Heaven is a city, but more like the hobbit’s shire, and DEF NO vespas… Talons: That is is just funny! can you imagine painting those things? NO THANKS! lol…

    So, what kind of nail tip am I???

  • orig_q_t_pie

    OMG! So I can pick out one thing out of each column that pertains to me easier to list the doesn’t pertain to me… Round tips: everything except, I don’t drink, I don’t play the victim, and I HATE pearls… Square tips: Everything except, I would NOT allow my 10 yr old girl to wear sweatpants with any word emblazoned across the butt. There’s no Juicy Couture anywhere in my closet, and again, I don’t drink…

    Pointed tips: I really would cut a bitch. Def not affraid of the world, really don’t want to be held, and DEF do not brush up against people ANYWHERE (i could catch something). (and yes my fav drink is a mint choc chip milk shake! LOL)… Almond Tips: it’s so NOT hard wanting so damn much. I do eventually end up with what I want. I am a girl in the world, but I know how to use it! I don’t wear berets, I like pony tails. Hair in my face makes me violent. I hate coffee, and I do not have a boss, but I am generally indifferent towards them when I do.

    Bitten nails: Yep, I am pretty paranoid. But, I am NOT fascinated by the apocalypse, relaxation is NOT stressful. I would LOVE it if Heaven were a garden. I hope Heaven is a city, but more like the hobbit’s shire, and DEF NO vespas… Talons: That is is just funny! can you imagine painting those things? NO THANKS! lol…

    So, what kind of nail tip am I???

    • alexandra

      Schizo tips. They’re kind of jagged, but with really carefully applied white polish in a strip at the end. Good for playing guitar but not so much piano. Depending on the party, they will either draw everyone’s friendship or nobody’s.

  • sheherbano

    oh jennifer, you are the only one who understands my pointy-tipped despair. although cutting a bitch is necessary, once in a while.

  • Emily

    Square-cut last longer than round? The things you learn.

  • furlo

    what a joke

  • http://glassflecked.blogspot.com/ Melissa L.

    eerily accurate

  • Currymel

    So far from the truth.

    Pointed nails, not afraid of life or my place in it!
    Who the heck is Sophia Coppola?
    Simply abhor any chocolate mint combo.

  • CarissaMarie<3

    Everyone is completely different… I don’t think even one person would find EVERY similarity in one of these…

  • Reema

    This must be for white women…