Welcome to Bad in Bed, where we discuss sex and relationship advice that we don’t want, and the people we don’t want it from. Today’s subject is Cosmopolitan magazine.
Women’s magazines are notorious for attempting to choke us to death with bad relationship advice. Be coy, don’t be coy. Speak your mind, but only in the ways laid out in August’s issue, not July’s. Be a bitch, but be nice. Really, it’s enough to make one’s mind start to spin.
Well, the latest advice, courtesy of Cosmo, is to try to get comfortable with the idea of your partner checking other people out in front of you:
“…you have to understand that your guy isn’t blind either. If you see that he notices some chick, as long as he’s not outright drooling over her, don’t make a big deal out of it. You can even score points with him by joining in and saying something like, ‘Oh, she’s cute,’ advises professional counselor Roger Rhoades of Carolina Counseling in Greenville, South Carolina. ‘Acknowledging that another woman is attractive makes you seem confident, which only adds to your own appeal.’”
Ummm….yeah. You’ll look “confident.” You won’t look like the seething, resentful beast that you are.
Honestly? There’s nothing worse than a woman who tries this hard to be cool. Also, I think that probably your guy, or your girl, would welcome a little jealousy. It’s normal. It’s human. It shows that you have a pulse and a desire to mate with your partner. It shows that you aren’t a 17-year-old who’s too afraid of her own feelings to voice them.
But Cosmo’s advice doesn’t end there. They’d also like you to know that some people, who are way more cool and relaxed about things than you are, already do this:
“Or do what Stella,* 29, does with her guy. ‘My boyfriend and I like to play this game we call Hot or Not, where we people-watch and rate all the passersby,’ she says. ‘It’s a fun way for both of us to ogle hotties without pissing the other person off. Plus, it gives us interesting insight into each other’s taste.’”
Isn’t that nice for Stella, 29? I’m so happy for her! And I’m sure that she exists, too. (Also, I believe scientific evidence would hold that men generally check out women at a much greater rate then women check out men, so if you’re in a hetero relationship this game is unlikely to be fair and balanced.)
Anyway, the point is this. I don’t doubt that there are some people who really are cool with their partners checking out other people in front of them. But my guess is that those people account for about 5% of the general population, and the rest of the people who say that they’re fine with that kind of thing are just posturing.
Sure, we all know intellectually that our partners will look at other people. We’re all smart, well-educated, open-minded and liberal. All of us. Every single one. But unfortunately, all that learnin’ doens’t ever seem to teach our emotions how to not care.