• Wed, Jan 5 2011

How Would You Reply To This Letter?

This letter was sent to a bride whose bridesmaid has a terrible spirit animal. My spirit animal is Grey Goose, in case you were wondering. I’m legitimately curious as to how people would respond to it, so I’m just going to post it here. (Also, this picture is what comes up when you google “evil bridesmaid.”)

[Future Bride],
I’m sorry this is coming to you in email form but I need to get my thoughts to you clearly and this is the best way for me to do it. Please read what I have to say and after you’ve had time to think, we can talk about it in person if you want.

When you first asked me to be a part of the wedding, my gut reaction was to say no and I should have listened to myself. I feel very strongly that you shouldn’t marry [Future Groom] and these feelings are only intensifying as the wedding approaches. [Future Bride], in good conscience, I cannot be a part of your wedding – I feel I would be doing both of us a disservice by standing up for you and bringing my negative energy to your wedding day.

I know this is shocking for you, but again, in my heart, I cannot do this. These feelings are also affecting me in a very negative way, the full extent of which didn’t become clear to me until I had a healing session with [new age spiritual healer] yesterday. I couldn’t dodge the feeling that I needed to see her yet I wasn’t clear why I felt I had to. In the end, I was left with two choices – either go through with participating in the wedding with a change in attitude or bow out as gracefully as possible. I meditated on it and called upon my power animals for guidance and ultimately bowing out is the decision I have reached. I understand the consequences of my actions but I am at peace with my decision. Please know I am in no way attempting to cut of ties with you, although I understand that may be the end result of all of this.

It might be hard to understand but I mean you no harm – I do believe in ‘ no harm to none’. However, I keep going back to what [so-called yoga 'master'] was talking about during one of our sessions – that by saying yes to someone else when you want to say no, you are only harming yourself. Participating in this wedding is harming me in many ways and this didn’t become truly clear to me until I had the session with [new age spiritual healer].

I am not asking for your forgiveness or understanding – again, I understand the full consequences of my decision. I still wish you the best for everything in your life – you have a good, kind soul, [Future Bride] and it is hurting me to see you go through with this marriage.
As I said above, we can talk in person if you want. However, I know that I will not change my mind about this. If you don’t want to talk, I understand and accept whatever decision you make.

- [Bridesmaid]

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  • L

    Started out normal, and then I began to doubt my eyesight.
    That said, I think it’s okay to drop out of a wedding, even without much explanation as to why. Weddings are boring anyway.

  • Eileen

    Response, since you’re curious:

    Dear Bridesmaid,

    I’m so sorry to hear that the wedding’s been causing you stress. Thank you being honest about your reasons – and of course I won’t hold it against you.* I’m also sorry to hear that you don’t think I should marry [Future Groom], but as long as you don’t dwell on it and can accept our marriage I don’t see why we can’t continue to be friends. Please know that you’re still welcome at the wedding as a regular guest, if you would like to be there.

    Love and best wishes always,

    [Future Bride]

    *Corollary: You dropped out of the wedding in advance of the day of the wedding.

    • lo

      I agree. At least she was polite… provided it wasn’t on short notice. I personally would want to meet and talk about it over coffee, just to understand the reasons why Bridesmaid feels that way. I’ve seen some people be pretty blind/dumb to their S.O.’s faults, and I’d be nervous that I was overlooking a legit concern. Unless Bridesmaid is a total nutcase and her inner spirit hamster or whatever gets agitated over every little thing, in which case, I’d probably let it slide.

  • Odbery

    If the bride made this woman her bridesmaid I’m assuming she already knew the girl was a nut. That, or she believes in “spirit animals” herself.

    Putting that aside it’s a reasonably gracious email, and while having your bridesmaid ditch you sucks it’s better than having her make death glares at the groom all night.

  • Lindsay Cross

    As a side note, “no harm to none” is a double negative. That would actually mean that you want to harm everyone. Since this woman is down with spirit animals, she probably meant to quote the Wiccan Rede, “An it harm none, do what ye will”.

  • roland

    i too thought the letter was hilarious. but i am too superstitious and spiritual. she has a gut instinct. hey if you love the man go thru with it and give your best and have fun, and if it doesn’t work out you can always say you’re nutty friend was right, but who gives a shit just get married, lifes too short and it sucks most of the time anyways!