Please, New York, You’re Embarrassing Yourself…

I know that New Yorkers are superior in every way to the rest of the world. No, really. You’re urbane, cultured and refined…except, apparently, when you get around celebrities, as evidenced by the multitudes of New York panties dropping over this picture of Jake Gyllenhaal riding the Q train.

The photo has now made its way from some hyperlocal hipster site called Fucked in Park Slope, to refinery 29, to Buzzfeed, to the always lovely Jezebel, and finally, to uber-New York City blog Gothamist, which means that Jakey’s subway ride has officially become News.

And as is to be expected, one commenter at Gothamist took the opportunity to make a remark about my beloved adopted city of Los Angeles. It reads: “would something like this ever happen in LA? No.”

Now, I don’t know exactly what that’s supposed to mean — it might be an original and astute observation about LA’s limited subway system, or it might just be a meaningless jab at my city that doesn’t have to make sense, because any time you say something negative about Los Angeles on the east coast and end your comment with a scoff people automatically agree.

But I’d like to think that for once, a New Yorker was making a sincerely flattering remark about Los Angeles, because guess what? He’s right! This would never happen in LA, since no one here completely loses their sense of decorum and their urban-cool façade over the sight of a celebrity. Why, in my nine years of living in Los Angeles, I’ve dined and drank next to any number of famouses (I won’t list them here, because that would be déclassé). Was it cool? Yes. Would I snap a picture and make a news story out of it? Of course not. What am I, a paparazzo?

The point is, who knew that all it took to reduce New Yorkers to fawning, shrieking schoolgirls was the appearance of a famous actor in their midst?

Honestly, New York…sometimes you’re just so shallow.

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