Shut Up Vogue: Catherine Middleton and Arizona Muse Edition

#5

Breaking news on page 140: wearing really ridiculous five inch heels sometimes makes you fall on your ass.

#6

Why is there an Uggs ad in this magazine? I know Vogue probably could use the money or whatever, but it really icks me out.

#7

You guys, the word “diarrhea” is in Vogue. No, really. It’s in the article about gluten-free diets and Celiac disease. I didn’t think people from Vogue had bowel movements. This is weird. I have to turn the page.

#8

Okay, so Arizona Muse is gorgeous and seems like a nice person, and her kid is cute. But the sheer levels of fawning in her “Praising Arizona” photoshoot are kind of making me hate her. Among the epithets used to describe her are:

  • “Her beauty is poetic”
  • Her eyebrows are “like lightning bolts”
  • “Game-changer”
  • “The new face of American fashion”
  • “To say that her story is astonishing is an understatement”

Here’s the thing: it’s pretty cool that a young mother who seems unassuming is now the next big thing in modeling. But Vogue needs to stop acting like being pretty is somehow on par with curing cancer or climbing Mt. Everest. Fawning all over fashion models gets really old really quickly, because praising people merely due to their luck in the genetic lottery can only be written about so many ways. Let’s just look at some pictures of the pretty lady and not have to hear how she’s singlehandedly changing America by having eyebrows, okay?

#9

“I choose things that are overly ambitious,” sayeth Kristen Stewart in a pullquote. Then I think about Twilight and laugh hysterically.

At one point she’s actually referred to as “KStew.” Wait, I thought no one who worked at Vogue was supposed to have heard of the internet.

Hold up. She got twenty-five million dollars plus a percentage of the gross for Breaking Dawn? Girl has a good agent. No wonder she dances around bitching about how bad the movies are. Shit, if somebody gave me $25 mil to stand around blinking I’d find positive things to say about Mel Gibson.

#10

After mentioning it a dozen times, we finally get to the pictures of Wills and Kate. I can’t read it because the sheer overabundance of Catherines is strangling me.

#11

I feel really sorry for Annette Roque. I mean, everybody and their grandma has heard stories about Matt Lauer screwing around on her. But she does look amazing in this photoshoot with her kids in Sag Harbor. Plus, she has a pony.

#12

A feature on The Book of Mormon: The Musical by Trey Stone and Matt Parker. This is actually awesome. Do NOT shut up, Vogue. Continue talking about this!

Share This Post:
    • Eileen

      Considering Prince William is now almost 30, calling him by a nickname his mother gave him when he was a baby seems way more inappropriate than referring to his fiancee by her full given name.

    • Kat

      Bwahaha, the Catherine part made me laugh. Like you said, it isn’t going to happen.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      I feel like we should come up with a cutesier name than Kate and call her that exclusively.

    • Elizabeth Adao

      Actually, I have read that “Kate” is what the media started calling her, and that she prefers Catherine.

    • Maya

      hehehe, I love the part about KStew… What is the fucking deal with this girl and that I can’t go to the mall business. boo effin hoo… As you said, standig around and blinking!