Another Reason To Hate Paz de la Huerta

Remember how director Nemo Librizzi loved it-girl/Zac Posen muse/horrible human being Paz de la Huerta’s voice so much that he said “whenever I’m hungry I just ask her to say ‘strawberry shortcake?” And how after hearing that you thought ‘jeez, if someone was always asking me to say food words, I’d probably just get them a sandwich?” Well that and “where does Paz de la Huerta’s magnificently captivating voice come from? Is she from… a planet where they speak like that?” Elle magazine has the answer!

“[she's from] New York, the accent comes from vacationing in Seville, Spain.”

Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? She has an accent because she went on vacation?

No. No, she does not.

And in this, I hate Paz de la Huerta because she represents the absolutely horrendous 14 year old in all of us. Remember that time you spoke with a British accent because you took a trip to London and had been reading T.S. Eliot? Yes, you do, you were 14, you thought it made you sound “sophisticated” (which is a word you pronounced with some bizarre bubbling of ‘p’s and ‘h’s because you had no idea how an actual British person would say it). In actual fact, it made people think that you were a pretentious person with a speech impediment.

Paz de la Huerta? Stop being 14 and awful. All the goodwill you built up with getting really drunk at the Golden Globes (was it just me? I thought she was a polite – if naked – drunk) is being negated by this stuff. Have a few whiskey sours and start speaking in your human voice, Paz.

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    • allwet

      I googled Paz de la Huerta’s name. From the first two links — the arcane and esoteric fonts known as imdb and wikipedia — I learned that de la Huerta’s father is a Spanish duke who lives on a ranch in Spain. Her full name is Maria de la Paz Elizabeth Sofia Adriana de la Huerta. I think it’s a pretty safe bet that she grew up in a bilingual household. I also think it’s a pretty safe bet that when the Elle article says “vacationing in Seville,” it doesn’t mean going there once for two weeks, but more likely, spending four months out of the year there since she was a child.

      So maybe let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she owes her unique vocal patterns to being half Spanish aristocracy and having a parent who lives full time in Spain, and not some faux-sophisticate affectation like the one you clearly haven’t forgiven yourself for having when you were 14. Seriously, it’s ok, you were 14. Please go hug a photo of Robin Williams and repeat “it’s not my fault,” with or without the British accent.

    • L

      OMG. She’s totally a robot. A malfunctioning robot. Look at her back in that picture. Right over her spine there’s a black line. That’s the zipper of her meat suit.