Women Are Stuck Up and Do Not Want Fake Things for Valentine’s Day

I really wonder how people knew things before there were internet studies. It’s sort of like how I didn’t know anything about sex until I started taking Cosmo quizzes. Today’s study that explains everything comes via Shoprunner.com, which describes itself as “a members-only online shopping service that offers savvy consumers free shipping, free returns and exclusive deals.” They asked their members to name the worst Valentine’s Day gift they’d ever gotten. The winners (losers?), in order:

  1. A scale or “weight loss item” (Hmmm, that sounds familiar)
  2. Nothing
  3. Counterfeit gold necklace
  4. Artificial flowers
  5. Cheap teddy bear

Get that, everyone? The ladies don’t want counterfeit things or cheap things, they want real and expensive things! Like, a gold necklace that wasn’t made by a moonshiner in his basement. Or a teddy bear that is plated in gold. And gold flowers, while we’re at it! Gold! Things! Stuff! Buy buy buy more more more!

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    • Jennifer Wright

      I do not want gold. Gold is tacky. Diamonds. Ice. Rocks. Talk to me Harry Winston, tell me all about it.

    • Megan

      I think the point isn’t “buy more,” but “buy thoughtfully.” I do take issue with the ladies who said “nothing,” as if they’re automatically entitled to a gift (and probably expected mind-reading as to what it should be as well). And the scale? I’m not even touching that one. Whoa.

      Aside from the scale, I’d be upset if my husband bought me any of those things, because:

      1) He wasted his money on something crappy
      2) It shows he didn’t think about what I’d really want (no ego intended–it’s the point of any gift, put yourself in the shoes of recipient and try to make them happy)
      3) He thought he could get away with buying something cheap and tacky and passing it off as “but, honey, true love!”

      To me, it’s not the amount of spending, or the quantity of gifts. My guy knows that if he really wants to make me happy, he can donate 20 bucks to the animal shelter I volunteer at and call it a day–a day that ends with amazing “thank you for helping the kitty cats” sex. It’s just–don’t spend the money on something you know is cheap and tacky, and then try to pass it off as meaningful or deep. It’s acceptable when you’re in high school and buying a little “I love you” teddy bear is de rigueur. Not so much when you’re 30. Unless, of course, you know your girl really likes teddy bears.

    • Eileen

      I hate Valentine’s gift giving because my birthday’s less than a week later. Send me a card for Valentine’s and we can go out later when it’s cheaper. But please don’t buy me a scale on either occasion.

    • G

      Hot chocolate would be good. Or one of those microfiber couch blankets. It’s winter God’s sake. Wintery needs should be the theme. Wtf is any going to do with roses and chocolate? A warm hat and some booze would be better. I usually give the booze actually.

    • L

      On Valentine’s Day, the mythical L Creature (reported to be some form of mutated, angry marmoset) recedes into her cavern in the Himalayas and waits the day out, avoiding any and all contact with someone who may want to give her a gift. The L Creature is incapable of feeling love, and responds to any presents with unsavory words and scowling. She hates it when people spend money on her because she knows that the greedy bastards will want something in return. Thus, the L Creature lives her life in solitude.
      (Basically, I’m cheap, and people want me to give them things because it’s a worthless holiday. Well, screw them. I don’t want their weird fruity-tasting chocolate coins anyway.)

    • Hannah

      it’s not the fact that it is inexpensive, it’s the fact that it’s cheap and generic and we equate that with the way you must think of us. what we would generally prefer is something with some amount of creativity, or at least some thought. though i personally think that this holiday is counterproductive and places unnecessary pressure on men on this one day of the year and demotivates them to do small sweet things through out the year.