• Fri, Jan 28 2011

Would You Bring Your Mother Wedding Dress Shopping?

Let me start by saying, God help me if my own mother reads this post. Mom: you’re coming with me. DON’T PANIC.

That aside, I seem to have divergent feelings about this topic than one Oscar de la Renta, who told a room full of brides on the “Martha Stewart Show” to leave their moms at home. According to New York Magazine:

“Don’t bring your mother,” he told the crowd of brides-to-be in the audience. “The idea of the mother and the idea of the girl are two different things!”

I find this surprising for a few reasons, and let me just be clear that my surprise comes despite the fact that my mother and I have completely different taste in clothes, and a history of explosive fights in dressing rooms that date back to my pre-adolescence.

But I wouldn’t dream of shutting my mother out of wedding dress shopping. Because let’s be real: bringing your mom shopping for a big event like a wedding is not really so much about getting her opinion, as it is about the fact that it’s nice if you can reconnect with your family in a meaningful way during important times in your life (or just stay connected with them, if you happen to see them all the time anyway. I don’t.)

Not to mention the fact that if you’re getting married, you should be individuated enough to be able to tell your mother when she’s overstepping her bounds, and to take her opinion with as many grains of salt as you want or don’t want.

Because, honestly? If you can’t bring your mother along with you because you can’t stand up to her, good luck finding your voice in your marriage.

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  • Leah

    Yeah, I’d bring my mom. But that’s because she’s cool. The real question should be if you’d bring your soon-to-be mother in law. I had a friend who got married and had a baby and her mother in law wanted to be involved with every second. That is where I’d have trouble. “Yes, I’m marrying your son/having his baby, but get out of my face”? There’s a real lesson in tact.

  • L

    NEVER. I watch Say Yes to the Dress, I know what those crazy harpies say.

    Quite frankly, I want MY wedding dress to be MY wedding dress. One that I like and chose myself, even if it makes my ass look fat. I wouldn’t take my family, I wouldn’t take my friends, I wouldn’t take the groom.

    Besides, I buy everything but groceries on the Internet. Also, I may have said this before, but I think I’m showing up to my hypothetical wedding naked. That way, I don’t have to worry about the “perfect” dress, and no one will overshadow me.

  • Lindsay Cross

    I took my mother dress shopping with me. I brought both my mother and my mother-in-law to my fitting. The dress I chose wasn’t my mom’s favorite, but she knew that it made me happy. I wouldn’t dream of not having her with me for something that wonderful and fun.

  • Eileen

    Of course, but that’s mainly because my mom is an awesome seamstress and will be taking notes on my favorite dress so that she can copy it for a fraction of the price. The mother-in-law can come, too, if she wants, but the only woman who gets to decide “which dress?” is the one who has to wear it.

  • Kate

    My mother will be by my side for every second. We’re great friends, and she helped me pick out two prom dresses and countless other outfits. Plus, it’s nice to have someone to back you up when it’s time to say no to pushy salespeople.

    My mother-in-law will be nowhere near the wedding planning process. Any of it. So help me God.

  • MsBorgia

    I would never let my mother pick my dress, because she has ridiculously outdated taste. I would, however, want her to come because she knows what looks good on me and what doesn’t!

  • Ms. Thang

    Of course, I did..My mother helped me pick out my dress, I received various comment on my dress as well. Enjoy you mother while she is living, you only have one. I lost my my Sept. 2010…Oh how I miss her dearly.

  • sam.

    With all due respect to OdlR, it’s not 1962 anymore and not every bride-to-be is a vapid 21-year old who can’t express an opinion in the face of her domineering mother, Joan Crawford. If there’s ever a time a girl needs a second set of eyes, a voice of reason and a bad cop for the pushy sales girls, it’s when she’s wedding dress shopping.

    Would I bring my mother wedding dress shopping? Does the pope shit in the woods?

    (Of course, I send my mom cell phone pics from the fitting room when I’m shopping, so maybe I’m an anomaly).

  • Lo

    My dear late mother was the one person I would have brought dress-shopping, but that’s because our tastes were similar and we were both Trinny & Susannah devotees. She knew about expressing your personality while playing up the best bits and cunningly disguising unsightly wobbles. I liked her own wedding dress a lot, too – maybe that’s something to go on.

  • shhh

    I would, but she probably wouldn’t want to go. I probably won’t go wedding dress shopping anyway and will just get married in fleece lined tights (because they are amazing) or a sundress depending on the season…and incredible shoes.

  • Kim

    I love my mom, she’s awesome, we get along like a house on fire, but I would never, EVER take her wedding dress shopping. I just don’t see the point; we bond all the time and thus have no need for that “special bonding moment,” and why set yourselves up for what will likely lead to an argument or, at the very least, diminished positivity? We have different taste, and I know we’d like completely different things. When I’m completely psyched about an outfit, the last thing I want is someone’s divergent opinion bringing that energy down, even if that person did give birth to me. I plan to go dress shopping completely alone, if and when the time comes. The only opinion I need is my own.