What Would You Wear To A Strip Club?

I feel like the first response is obviously to say “I’m going to go looking hot.” Because there will be so many beautifully painted harlots there! But look. There are so many beautifully painted harlots there. You cannot compete. You will not be naked, spray tanned, covered in body glitter. You will be wearing the one dress you have that is sort of clingy which, let’s be honest, means that in the context of this situation, you will still look like a school marm.

I think Holly Golightly really had the right idea with the whole cardigan thing. Because if you’re going to go to a strip club, looking like a lady is the only way to stand out. A lady who look like Audrey Hepburn. But you want something a little edgy, too. Something that says “librarian – but with possibilities.” It seems imitative to copy Audrey’s sunglasses.

Oh, on an interesting, over-sharing note, there’s a possibility that I’m going to see my first strip club tonight. In an effort to do the above, I’m planning on wearing a cardigan on top, then strapping meat products to my lower half, a la Lady Gaga. Plan? I DO NOT KNOW, OFFER ME ADVICE, FACELESS STRANGERS.

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    • Melissa

      Cocaine dress. You’ll be the belle of the ball.

    • K

      Jeans and a cute top. No reason to look like a strumpet. Because, well. You can’t compete.

    • Hall

      Jeans & a simple t-shirt. You’ll look good in a simple/not trying too hard/completely comfortable with yourself way.

    • Rosie

      I love the cardigan. I would wear a well-tailored suit and a ponytail, with toned-down makeup so as not to be mistaken for Demi Moore in Striptease. Kind of classy, but sexy in a non-conventional way.

    • L

      1. Naked.
      2. As a nun. Glare disapprovingly at people as they pass you-and ESPECIALLY the strippers.
      3. A very short skirt and a very revealing top. Inject and snort lots of drugs and put on some seven-inch heels. Put makeup on, then smear it all over your face. Pretend you’re a desperate crack whore who only wants love.
      4. Stay home and do puzzles. You (and I) don’t need that lame social interaction shit.

    • Nicole

      I used to dig strip clubs, and have attended in everything from sweats and Adidas sandals to my best dress. I realize I sound like a weirdo, but strippers are quite friendly, and the mood was always festive.

    • shh

      So, now I’m curious, what did you end up wearing? Or did you go with option stay at home and do puzzles?

    • Goldie

      just be Dita Von Teese and everything will be okay.

    • Kim

      The last time I went to a strip club was at Oktoberfest. I wore a dirndl, my boyfriend wore lederhosen, and the stripper complimented us mid-couples lap dance. Basically, it was the best night ever.

    • G

      Clothing. That alone will make me stand out. Bazinga.

    • Satan

      as an actual stripper:
      yeah, no one is going to care what you wear, because everyone’s there to do the same thing: oggle the hot topless ladies. i’d say be comfortable!
      but if you get a lap dance, you don’t want to be wearing lots of sharp shit, ie large belt buckles. because that stuff hurts.