• Fri, Jan 28 2011

Should You Blog Your Breakup? No.

Perhaps you would like some extremely lifelike, pox ridden robots to explain to you why you should refrain from blogging your break-up. Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff are those pox robots (please pray for Ashley).

Jennifer: So. Blogging your recent break up? Good idea? Bad idea? Worst idea on the planet?

Ashley: Worst idea ever, but I’m a bad person to ask, probably.

Jennifer: Because of the leprosy? People need to see you’re beautiful on the inside!

Ashley: I’m even afraid of using the single/in a relationship status on Facebook

Jennifer: I think it’s a great leap of faith saying you’re in a relationship on Facebook. I actually think it’s rather sweet. But I think there’s a great difference between that -which is presumably for your friends – and writing posts about your break-up. As in, the two have nothing to do with each other, because the latter is for strangers. That said, we’re both pretty private. I mean, you are, by far, my best female friend. And we’ve been friends since college. Were the length of our friendship a child, it would be running around, scrawling perverse messages on bathroom walls, embarrassing us publicly. To what extent have we ever really discussed our break-ups, even amongst each other? Because I know more about the mechanics of these faceless bloggers than I do about yours.

Ashley: Wow. That’s an astonishing thing when you think about it. We both have so much dignity!

Jen: I KNOW!

Ashley: I would never go to my best friends for suffering, much less numberless strangers on the Internet

Jen: We’ve both done the “champagne for dinner” thing with each other, but, yes, it’s a largely silent event.

Ashley: This is really shocking, though. I’ve never thought about it this way. We never discuss the mechanics of our unhappiness, even in person.

Jen: I in no way think that means you are not totally supportive. Because you are. I just think… baby, we don’t talk of that. Like real aristocrats.

Ashley: This is very strange.

Jennifer: But let’s pretend we were people who liked to share that sort of thing more than we do. Blogging your break-up is still distasteful, right?

Ashley: I’m trying to figure out why I find it distasteful.

Jen: I mean, okay, I think many people like to discuss things in detail with their friends, and that’s great. But blogs. Those aren’t for your friends. Those aren’t for your super close friends. They are for everyone. They are for strangers you don’t even know yet. Honestly, I tend to google people before I date them. If I saw that they wrote 1,000 word posts about ways they’d been wronged by their ex, I would never go out with them. I’d assume they’d do the same to me if we broke up

Ashley: That’s just sensible. Also, blogging about your break-up seems self-indulgent right? But I don’t know if you can get legitimately pissed at people when they go to the Internet for catharsis in THIS DAY AND AGE. But does anyone come away from reading an embittered, angst-ridden, over-sharey break-up post and think, “Wow, that really inspires me?” To be what? Embittered? Whenever I come across one, I kind of just cringe. The way I do seeing, for example, diary entries I wrote as a teenager. So, I guess, who is the audience for break-up blog posts? Other recent break-up victims?

Jen: Ditto. I once wrote an article on a break-up, and now I read it and think, God, I was such a monster-shrew. I’m properly ashamed, though I at least did try to cast it in a funny light rather than a “feel my pain” light. I think the idea is that people will see you as a virtuous victim, and whining about things online means that will NEVER be the case.

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  • Melissa

    +1

    Oh thank god. I was wondering where all the sane people went.

  • j

    some other website has a running column from a girl who just got broken up with and i made the comment that it was tacky to write all the personal details of the breakup, even though it was technically “her job” to write about it and MAN did i get jumped on.

    i’m sorry, tacky and immature is tacky and immature, whether youre getting paid for it or not.

    • Melissa

      Are you talking about a columnist whose name starts with a ‘J’ and ends in ‘essica Wakeman’?

      Cos yeah, the first column regarding the breakup I wrote off, and now I’m just totally annoyed with her AND her editors. To the point where I won’t even open any of her articles, breakup-related or not. It’s been a month, and the online pity-party needs to end.

    • j

      I got tired of the “what ELSE is she supposed to write about, this is her JOB” anytime I wrote “man, taking back your christmas gift to him is tacky and immature” or “posting the sordid details of your breakup sure is awkward, especially if he reads it!” or “you’re critiquing him for posting on twitter when ALL you have to do is unfollow!”

      i get it , breakups suck, but airing your dirty laundry is sad.

  • UncleL

    do not *ever* blog your break up. have some self respect.

  • Rosie

    Ha!

    When I dumped my college boyfriend, he sobbed all over facebook about how awful I was.

    Nobody took his side, and all the mutual friends talk to me about is how pathetic he looked.

    FTW.

  • G

    You break up. You learn instrument. You write song. You share with person that will tell you honestly if it sucks. If it passes the test, then you can share the song. Otherwise, you wine. You don’t whine.

  • shh

    yay vampire weekend.

  • Rollercoastess

    I generally agree that you shouldn’t blog about your breakup. That said, I started a blog after my (very recent) breakup (http://projectbreakingupwards.blogspot.com/). For me, and for others who blog about breaking up, it’s therapeutic. I refrain from blogging about the details of our breakup. And I definitely refrain from saying anything negative about him (mostly because I don’t have anything negative to say about him). And I remain anonymous, and allow him to remain anonymous. And, honestly, it’s helping.

    • Catherine

      I agree with you. I think that it can be very therapeutic for the person writing it, but also for readers. I wrote about my breakup and cancelled wedding and I have connected with so many men and women going through heartbreak and just happy to be able to hear from someone what they are going through. It makes us feel less alone. I’m all for it – as long as the blog isn’t mean spirited or just a place to whine.
      http://simplysolo.wordpress.com

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