Point/Counterpoint: No Cheerleaders At The Superbowl

This is the first time in the Superbowl’s 45 year history that there will be no cheerleaders. Rational and Asshole Jen discuss while doing some herkies.

Asshole Jen: THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN ALL THE BIRDS DIED.

Rational Jen: Well, look, I don’t think this is an indictment of cheerleaders or cheerleading as a sport, because I believe it is a sport. I think it’s just a case of the Steelers and the Packers dropping their cheeleaders a long time ago (1970 and 1988, respectively). It’s pretty team specific. This shouldn’t come as a shock, and I don’t think it’s indicative of a general trend.

Asshole Jen: A GENERAL TREND OF THE SUPERBOWL SUCKING NOW?

Rational Jen: You don’t watch the Superbowl for the cheerleaders. You watch it for the ads.

Asshole Jen: I PRETEND TO WATCH IT. I GET ROWDY, INSULT THE OTHER “TEAM”, WAITERS, BYSTANDARDS, WHOEVER. THAT IS THE SAME THING. I WANT CHEERLEADERS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BEST, I LIKE SPARKLES.

Rational Jen: Do you think you’d care less if you weren’t only pretending to watch the game? Bill Plasckhe wrote in the LA Times:

With the possible exception of the baseball caps worn by quarterbacks on the sidelines, there is nothing more useless in an NFL game than a cheerleader. You can’t hear them. You can barely see them. You don’t need them to lead cheers that can be started by the scoreboard. You don’t need them to entertain you during a halftime spent standing in line for the bathroom.

Asshole Jen: BILL PLASCHKE IS A DOUCHTARD WHO HATES FUN, LET’S GOOGLE HIS PICTURE AND SEE IF HE LOOKS LIKE SATAN.

Rational Jen: You do that.

Asshole Jen: HE DOES.

Rational Jen: I’m not going to debate that with you. I mean, I think part of the reason I always really enjoy the cheerleaders is because the Superbowl is a predominantly male event. I like that women have some role in the festivities, even if it’s only a supporting one. Though I can’t say I relate well to either of them, I can see myself more in a girl who is shimmying with pom-poms that a dude who is tackling some other dude for reasons that escape my understanding.

Asshole Jen: So, what you’re saying is that not having cheerleaders means the Superbowl sucks now.

Rational Jen: I wouldn’t say it sucks. I think there are still fun parts for non-football fans. The halftime show. The ads. The… okay, that’s all I’ve got.

Asshole Jen: Why do we watch it? Why do we watch it to begin with?

Rational Jen: Because friends are always being like “hey, let’s watch the Superbowl” and it’s literally the one day  that we go out and watch TV with other people instead of just sitting at home watching Downton Abbey or the terrible shit that you…

Asshole Jen: ARCHER IS THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION

Rational Jen: …watch.

Asshole Jen: So, we watch it because our friends bribe us with hot wings.

Rational Jen: Yes.

Asshole Jen: And it is now 1/3rd less good, because we only enjoyed three things about the actual event.

Rational Jen: Yes.

Asshole Jen: So, we’re staying home and watching Archer and eating hot wings, and that’s just as good?

Rational Jen: That’s brilliant. We should have thought of that before, probably. YEARS before.

Asshole Jen: Let’s do some more herkies.

Share This Post:
    • Katie

      Loving the Downton Abbey reference!

    • Taylor

      The absence of cheerleaders actually makes me like the Superbowl a little more. I like watching cheerleading and I think those women deserve a ton of credit for their athleticism, but none of the men in the room with me have that attitude about them. They are almost naked, and everyone knows they’re there for men to ogle.

      For that reason, I feel way more comfortable sitting next to my boyfriend without the elephant of a dozen half-naked girls hanging around the room. He gets his sports fix without my crappy self-esteem wondering whether he thinks they’re hot (they are and I know it.) Win-win.