Why You Should Never Give Your Boyfriend or Husband a Kidney

If the person you loved was in danger of dying, and you had a way to save them, would you do it? Most of us would probably say yes. And, if you’re Ann Lopez or Tanisha Hall, you might come to regret saying yes.

Ann and her husband George Lopez (the comedian with that show that comes on before after Conan) were married for over a decade when he needed a kidney transplant. Ann was a match, and she gave her husband a kidney. Tanisha Hall was dating comedian Tracy Morgan when he, too, needed a new kidney. Tanisha was a match, and donated hers. Then guess what happened? George screwed around on his wife and got caught by the National Enquirer, so he and Ann got divorced. And Tracy broke up with Tanisha. The moral of this story, ladies? Never give a dude a kidney. Yeah, I know you think you love him, and you’re “married” and “committed to each other” or whatever, but all those years of fidelity have just been a ruse to separate you from your internal organs.

Was I the only person who watched Lost? That John Locke/his dad/kidney storyline was the only non-fictional thing on that mess of a show. People who claim to be related to you or love you or whatever are basically just waiting for a moment to steal your kidney and push you out of a plate glass window. Ladies, keep your kidneys to yourselves. Especially if you’re dating or married to a person whose job is tell jokes on the TV. And especially if your lawyer can’t get it back for you in the divorce.

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    • Eileen

      I sense you’re being snarky, but I’d still give him one.

      I mean, it sucks if he turns out to be a lousy husband, but I think it would suck more to know that I had the opportunity to save someone’s life at very little damage to myself and chose not to do it. Though obviously it would be preferable if he’d wanted something replenishable, like bone marrow.

    • conanfan

      Fact check: George Lopez is on AFTER Conan.

    • Sara

      Also, Tracy Morgan and what’s-her-face broke up BEFORE she gave him a kidney. I understand being friends with an ex, but that’s above and beyond.