5 Drinks We Want More Than Anything With ‘Skinny’ in its Name

Esquire, Esquire, Esquire. Normally, we love you. You write well, you generally have humorous things to say, and you certainly try much harder than your younger brothers, Details and Maxim, to encourage men to be relatively decent and mature human beings.

But if you ever presented us with a bottle of Skinnygirl Margarita, know that we would slap it out of your hand and turn our backs on you so fast, you wouldn’t even have time to whip out your cell phone and take a picture for your blog of how hot grown women look when we’re irate.

And yet, you run this article? In which you tell the reader that “your girlfriend” is drinking something that tastes like nasty melted faux-sugar into which a dog has snorted?

Not cool.

Instead, we’d like you to consider giving us any one of the following beverages, for your sake and ours:

  1. A bottle of Laphroaig.
  2. A bottle of Jameson.
  3. If we really want margaritas, how about a dildo-shaped bottle of AsomBroso (two birds, one stone)?
  4. A bottle of red wine that you can’t afford. (We won’t really know the difference, but a Playboy bunny told us to let you know right off the bat if we’re high maintenance.)
  5. A bottle-shaped card apologizing for the whole Skinnygirl thing.
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    • Jennifer Wright

      Skinny Girl!? THEY RECOMMENDED SKINNY GIRL MARGARITAS? Oh, Good Lord. I’m going the Playboy Bunny route – in the future, I will only be accepting the Andy Warhol edition of Dom Perignon. If men buy me other bevages I will swill them, then spit them in that man’s face as though I were a bad tempered fish.

    • j

      they didn’t recommend it. they trashed it. dear editors at thegloss, READ the articles youre trashing on.

      • Jessica Pauline Ogilvie

        Huh…well, I read this sentence from the post: “Liquor stores can’t keep the stuff in stock, which means your girlfriend is drinking it,” as implying that their readers’ girlfriends are drinking it. That’s what I was addressing. If you interpreted that sentence differently feel free to explain.