Our esteemed founding editor LilitÂ is moving on toÂ edit our sister site, Crushable, beginning February 28th.Â So. Will you be able to anticipate a new era of constant dick jokes and Star Wars allusions at TheGloss? Sort of! Here’s what it means for you:
1)Â We’re bidding a fond farewell to Ben Schwartz and the GrrFriend comic. However,Â Lindsay Cross, Jen Dziura, Elizabeth “The Misanthropologist” Richard, The eBabes and Brandy Alexander will still be appearing as regularly scheduled.Â I had hoped that being editor-in-chief would mean thatÂ Elizabeth RichardÂ wouldn’t always be calling me atÂ 3 inÂ the morningÂ tryingÂ to convince me toÂ do whippits and “score some glue” but, well, I guess I thought wrong.
2) We’re pleased to report thatÂ we have a new relationshipÂ advice columnist. We captured Karl Lagerfeld mostly using techniques gleaned from the movie Taken and have been keepingÂ his clone down in the basement. In exchange for Diet Coke, he’s agreed to advise readers on their romantic situations. You can direct any romantic quandaries you have to us (Jennifer[at]thegloss.com or Ashley[at]thegloss.com)Â for him to answer. Other new (corporeal)Â additions to the columnists are in the works, and we’ll keep you updated so you can prepare to haze them in advance. Don’t be afraid to body shame them!
3) We want to hear from you, because you are the Master to our Blaster. We want you to pitch us like you’re Joe Dimaggio. If you’ve written a piece that you want featured on TheGloss, send it to us. If it contains Star Wars and dick jokes with some vague tie to fashion (like you mention that Darth Vader wears black) we’ll probably republish it on the site. We can’t pay you, though. We’re sorry. It’s mostly because we suck, but I like to place a lot of blameÂ on Arianna Huffington. E-mail me (again, Jennifer[at]thegloss.com, though really I just keep putting my e-mail down because I’m pushing for some mash notes.)