• Sun, Feb 20 2011

Enough With Brooklyn Decker’s Tits Already

Let me start off by saying this: in every interview I’ve read or seen with Brooklyn Decker, she seems like a perfectly nice, down-to-earth woman. And I could never deny that she’s hot as balls. No one can.

But you know what is threatening to make those points moot? The fact that I’ve had to watch her tits bounce around in slow motion on 95% of websites that I’ve visited in the past two weeks, as part of the trailer for “Just Go With It.”

It’s like, OK, OK, WE GET IT. Brooklyn Decker has amazing breasts. They’re perfect in every way. Message received. And seeing them once, maybe twice, is lovely for everyone. But having to watch her walk down the beach in slow-motion in the same five-second clip, over and over, and then having to watch Adam Sandler’s stupid mouth agape is making me want to track both of them down and slap them, respectively, in the tits and in the face.

In fact, the whole marketing campaign for this movie is an incredibly lame and offensive way of pushing a shitty rom-com to men as well as women. The tagline for the movie, for the love of God, is “tell your girlfriend it’s a romantic comedy” — as in, lie to your girlfriend about the fact that you just want to go stare at Decker onscreen for two hours, and she’ll still think you’ve done something nice for her!

I don’t want to have to hate on Decker’s boobs, or anyone’s boobs, for that matter. But please, can we put them away for a little while, Adam Sandler (who also served as a producer)? Maybe focus on something else about the movie? Does it have any other redeeming qualities? Plot? Humor? Artistic direction? Anything at all…

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  • L

    But…They’re spectacular tits. You know you like it.

  • johnny appleseed

    Totally disagree with the article. Movie and tagline are genius

    • Lindsay Cross

      First of all, you’re really insulting the word genius and anyone who can actually claim it. I haven’t even seen the movie, but genius should probably never be applied to Adam Sandler or a movie that relies on one woman’s tits to get an audience.

      Secondly, as someone who attends the Johnny Appleseed Festival (yes, there is one) every year, you’d better be careful with your moniker too. In the Midwest, we take Appleseed very seriously. Our minor league baseball team is named after him.

  • Beth

    They are nice tits… But its possibly just too much of a good thing? Maybe they could balance the gratuitous tits with some gratuitous man-boobs at least?

  • Karen

    Okay. I’m going to be really mean here. But it’s something I thought from the first time I saw the clip. I’m surprised no one has commented on her big, muffinny hips. I mean, I’m 38 years old and they look like mine, which I am not proud of. And I’m dying to lose like 7 or 8 pounds. I guess I’m the only one not staring at her big ol boobs.

    • Eileen

      Maybe you should be proud of your hips, then. Yeah, hers aren’t skin stretched perfectly taut over bones, but almost no women’s are, especially women who have full breasts and non-bony arms and legs. She’s not overweight, and she’s definitely not struggling to find people who think she’s attractive. I think most people saw the clip and thought, “That’s an attractive blonde with an hourglass figure.”

    • Karen

      Yeah, that did cross my mind. :) From now on I’m going to tell everyone around me, “Hey I look just like Brooklyn Decker!” Everyone is going to love that!

    • Anony

      I agree with the article. My assumption is the movie can’t be that good if all anyone can talk about is Decker & her boobs, especially when she herself has said that she can’t act. So she’s clearly just eye candy.

      Also, Karen– I totally noticed the same thing when I saw that slow-mo shot! Either that, or her bikini bottoms were too small. For her to have hips like that at 23 or 24 (I think that’s about how old she is)… makes me wonder what she’ll look like in 10 years time…

  • Milka

    The first thing I noticed about Miss Decker were her Muffinny hips. I mean, after seeing the likes of Kim Kardashian and all the retards in Jersey Shore all over the media I’m pretty immune to breasts, so Decker’s didn’t even register on my radar. However, those hips, those I saw, because if you look a little bit up you notice her incredibly toned abs and you have to wonder how is it possible to have such nice abs and still manage a muffin top? Sandler’s marketing strategy may be questionable, but he has everybody talking about his movie and that, I am sure, was what he intended all along.

    • lina

      I saw the muffinny hips, too! And her oddly shaped face. Her forehead scares me. Great tits, big deal. I think it’s funny that men don’t even notice when they’re treated like idiots and encouraged to act like even bigger idiots by using the words “Romantic Comedy” to interest girlfriends in seeing this piece of crap. I am a woman. I HATE romantic comedies.

  • lina

    Spectacular now, but if she keeps wearing triangle top bikinis with no support, allowing her generous ladies to do all that bouncing men love, they’re gonna meet her muffinny hips in no time.

  • Leaf

    She has nice boobs so now skinny b*tches got to hate on her hips? It is likely just her body type, the hourglass type. The type with hips. The type that doesn’t have the body of a boy. I don’t find her muffiny at all, no indent where straps of bottoms meet skin. I hope this body type comes back into fashion.

    • Karen

      At least those of us who were criticizing the muffins didn’t call anyone a b*tch. How are you any better than us then when you turn around and hate on the skinnies? Hypocrite, I say.

  • Typical Male

    Me need more Boobs!