• Wed, Mar 2 2011

How To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Cultured

Whether you’re in the workplace or meeting your soon-to-be mother in law, there are some times when you are going to want to impress, and “sweet ride!” is just not going to fly. For those times, I’ve compiled a list of the most common slang terms I can think of, along with my personal favorite substitutions. Enjoy!
1.       Hella (I grew up in NorCal… so sue me) becomes copious. Basically, this means that there are lots of x. Possibly too much. For example, This report is has copious amounts of evidence in support of its claims, or, Amy Winehouse smokes copious amounts of dope. Either way.
2.       Awesome (or cool, sick, tight,etc.) becomes impressive/ scintillating. Obviously scintillating is the more fun word here, but for a professional setting, I’d still recommend the ultra-practical “impressive.” It’s to the point, effective, and somehow empowering. If, on the other hand, you’re trying to impress your friends while describing a new movie you saw, by all means- scintillate it up.
3.       Shady becomes Suspect. Not suspect like “I suspect you stole my valentine’s day chocolates” or “murder suspect.” This is using suspect as an adjective, as in “The man lingering behind the dumpster’s behavior was suspect.” This little bit of linguistic magic turns a word that’s a fairly common part of the everyday vernacular and transforms it into an impressive little description.
4.       Hot becomes Toothsome. First off, there are probably hundreds of alternatives for this word- from gorgeous to exquisite to handsome to dapper, we are all about finding words to express human physical beauty. Toothsome has always had a special place in my heart, though, because it’s just so darn adorable. It makes me think of a sweet tooth… like someone you’d just want to eat right up… which, to be honest, is usually what we’re saying when we’re calling somebody “hot” anyway.
5.       Sexy becomes Sensual. Fairly self explanatory. Just a little bit more sophisticated, and also a little less awkward to say when speaking to other adults whose opinions you actually care about.
6.       Stupid becomes Sophomoric, Inane, or Daft. I couldn’t pick just one. Sophomoric implies that the stupid thing/ person is juvenile, and doesn’t have much value. Inane is pretty much the same. Daft is just straight foolish. Again, I’d be cautious using any of these in a professional setting… calling anything your coworkers or customers produce any variation of “stupid” is pretty ballsy. But these words are perfect for describing those people later that night when you go out with your friends for gossip and sushi.
7.       Whatever becomes “I’m Ambivalent.” Express your lack of caring with class, thereby avoiding like sounding like a sad parody of a teen movie.

Want to see more of Coco’s work? You can find her at Write Euphorically, where she’s sharing about Literary Rockstars. And if you’ve written something you’d like to see featured on TheGloss, drop me a line at Jennifer [at] Thegloss.com

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  • Shae

    BAHAHA. When I get home, I’m telling my boyfriend he’s looking exceptionally toothsome today.