Real Talk: The Best Things We’ve Stolen From Our Exes

Some people say that even if a relationship ends, you’ve still gained something from it: a valuable lesson. We say, yes, we have gained something from it: a winter wardrobe. Unlike Zsa Zsa Gabor, our kleptomaniac friends are not yet marvelous enough housekeepers to keep the house, but here are some wonderful and weird things we’ve heard were acquired from our relationships.

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    • Ms. Pants

      They’re not stolen goods, they’re parting gifts!

      • Rebekah Mae

        Damn straight they’re parting gifts! haha.

        Sadly once I dump a man I want nothing of his around. But on my best relationship, after he dumped me I “forgot” to give him back his soccer jersey. But in my defence, it looked better on me

    • audrey

      My first girlfriend left me the best bra I now own.

    • Smiley

      I “stole” his family. His parents still love me and we often will go to lunch or they’ll invite me over for drinks. I go out dancing with his sisters almost bi-weekly. I stole his family. And his favorite pair of sweat pants.

    • Lis

      Parting Gifts, Asshole Tax- all depends on how bad he was… *snicker*

    • Kaite

      The screws for her bookcases. Not all of them, just enough to involve a trip to B&Q to buy new ones when she moved into her new place.

    • Rosebud

      Socks ( they were really comfy) and music…. not the physical CDs or digital music, but his music is now mine and he will never be able to get it back.

    • j

      my last serious ex was reeeally mean to me post-breakup (i initiated said break) and though i intended on giving it back at the outset, i kept the record player i’d given him as a birthday present.

    • kerri

      when he helped me move into my new apartment, i had no furniture so he brought over some folding camp chairs. i kept them after the split take them out to the beach every summer. actually hooked up with a new guy on one once!
      also, his most comfortable flannel, and a nice set of portable iPod speakers. i left a toothbrush at his house. i like to imagine he cries every time he sees it now.

      • bob

        or threw it away. just saying

    • Helen

      The complete set of Harry Potter.

      This boyfriend was a complete asshole to me the last time I saw him. I guess he’d forgotten I still had his stuff. A couple of months later I got a card saying “sorry about how things turned out”. I thought, “You’re not sorry, you just want your stuff back. And since your card doesn’t say sorry YOU were an asshole, I’m keeping it.” So I did. I gave the expensive clothes to my brother and put the Harry Potters on the bookshelf. When I look at them I feel the victory of having totally pissed off Mr Asshole.