The (Social) Dos and Don’ts of Having a Baby

Ah, pregnancy. Such a magical time in a woman’s life. Your hair gets thicker, your boobs get enorm, and you radiate the joy and peace that is the miracle of life.

And we’re so happy for you, and your addition, and the newest member of your family, and your little bundle of joy, and the adventure you’re embarking on, and this exciting time for you and your partner, and the growth of your family, and your health, and your fertility. But sadly, there are a number of ways that you can — unwittingly, of course, you’re an expectant mother! — use your happiness to ruin everyone else’s. Here, to help you avoid that, are some (social) dos and don’ts of having a baby:


  • Announce your pregnancy to the world via whatever social media outlet you prefer to utilize.
  • Find new mommy-friends, who can sympathize and appreciate what you’re going through!
  • Buy as much pregnancy clothing as you want, and decorate the shit out of your nursery, and then invite us, your friends, over to see it.
  • Eat everything in sight. Brag about it, even. We’re for it. We’re jealous, but not in a bad way. We just wish that we could eat three entrees at brunch and people would smile knowingly at us instead of gawking incredulously.
  • Give birth, announce it to the world, post a few pictures online (none with blood or pus, thank you!) and retreat into mommy world for a while.


  • Tell your friends who don’t want kids that “they’ll know when the time is right.” No. No, they won’t, because they don’t want kids.
  • We know you can’t help it, but please try not to overuse that inner-peace, mother-earth grin you’ve been perfecting. It’s incredibly irritating.
  • Do the weekly growing-belly shot on Facebook.
  • I’m on the fence about this — I don’t mind an ultrasound photo on Facebook, but some people, it must be said, are wildly against it.
  • …forget that there are still people out there who don’t want to read about each and every poop, its consistency and whether or not it got on your finger.
Share This Post:
    • ally

      What’s wrong with the weekly photo? I LOVE the weekly belly shots! In fact, I ASKED a pregnant friend to do hers.

      *decidedly not-pregnant*

      • teenie

        i think the weekly belly shots are ok ONLY if they are compiled at the end and made into a .gif of a growing belly. amirite?

    • Don York

      Well, this website is also pretty good, you can have a look

    • Cassie

      I absolutely must amend the first “Do” on the list: announce it on a social media site only after you have made personal calls to important family members and friends. At the very least the people with whom you’re closest to deserve a phone call.

    • Allie

      Why do people give pregnant women such crap for chatting about their pregnancy? We don’t write articles telling people to shut up about their real estate business, or their scrapbooking, or their at-home sales, or their football obsession. I’d rather see a sonogram picture as someone’s facebook image or find an album of weekly bump shots (which are very easy to ignore) than an anti-Obama or pro-Cowboys graphic and I know I am sure as heck sick of people constantly updating their status with such crap.

      • porkchop

        Look, no one is allowed to be pregnant on Facebook. No one is allowed to swear. Do not repeat yourself. Do not express an opinion on politics or religion. You may not be depressed or angry (unless it’s comic value). IT’S A 1950′s SITCOM ON THERE, AND IF YOU CAN’T BE DONNA REED, THEN JUST SHUT THE H### UP.

    • ALS

      I have to say that it’s fine for some people to do the weekly belly shots and post them via FB. I’m currently pregnant, and I’m probably going to do them but may not post. I just find my pregnancy to be something that I want to share with close friends and family, but not with everyone I have friended on FB (some of which are colleagues, past students, etc.) Today I actually got yelled at on FB by one of my friends because I haven’t posted any belly shots or ultrasound photos yet. Right now I’m not comfortable doing that and that should be ok-but she is the 4th person to ask me where they are. It has become part of our culture and I think some women are feeling like they must do it, even when they don’t like the idea. Fine if you want to, but it’s annoying to be pushed to.