Today, South Dakota Governor Dennis Daugaard signed into law a bill that will require women to wait three days for an abortion after first meeting with a doctor. During that time, they’ll also have to visit a pregnancy crisis center, clinics that are commonly known to encourage women to either keep their future baby, or give it up for adoption, rather than having an abortion.
Fun, right? There’s always something going on with those anti-abortion folks! Always some exciting new way of taking women’s rights away and ruining our lives. According to the Huffington Post, Daugaard got off on the right foot when explaining the purpose of the bill, then took an unfortunate turn mid-sentence. Observe:
“I think everyone agrees with the goal of reducing abortion…” yes! “…by encouraging consideration of other alternatives.” Oh, no. No, no. So close.
Anyway, we’d like you ladies of South Dakota to know that we’re on your side, so we took some time out to think of things you can do during that three-day waiting period that might make it a little more tolerable. Feel free to print this out and carry it around in your pocket:
- Take a road trip! Three days gives you just enough time to get to Chicago and back. Hey, while you’re there, you could even just go ahead and…well, you know.
- Play a fun game of “gotcha!” with the staff at the crisis pregnancy center. Think of the most atrocious way that that fetus could have gotten inside you, and tell them the story. See if you can get them to crack, and support your abortion! (For inspiration, listen to Sen. Bill Napoli’s infamous rant on what would constitute a good reason for seeking an abortion. Scroll through the video to about 3:35.)
- Distract yourself by shopping for umbrellas. There are many.
- Write three days worth of letters to state representative Roger Hunt, who supported the bill by saying that “women need to just be reminded of the fact there is a natural, legal relationship between them and their child.” Maybe see if you can remind him of a few things.
- Find a place to take up an aggressive sport — you’ll start classes after you’ve had the abortion, of course. Maybe kickboxing, or jiu jitsu, or even pole dancing (it’s sexually aggressive).