• Tue, Mar 22 2011

How Often We’re Really Faking Orgasms

A lot! As always, names of those surveyed have been changed. And let us know how often you’re faking in the poll.

Sorry! This poll is now closed.

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  • Chelsea

    Thanks a lot, Rosie. I was drinking water when I read that one and sprayed water all over my work computer. So funny!

  • matbo

    I don’t understand why you have to fake it. Can’t you just say “I’m really enjoying myself here, but it’s just not happening, why don’t you just ahead?” He comes, I get to roll over and sleep with a nice snuggle/heartfelt pillow talk/oh sweet wonderful silence.

    • Anna

      Agree!

    • anons

      you would think so, but think about if the tables were turned: i, for one, would eventually feel like i was an insufficient lover if i wasn’t able to make my partner orgasm more often than not.
      so since i don’t orgasm well with others, it makes me feel MUCH better to fake it on the reg, because if it were me doing what they’re doing, i totally would, i just have “walls” when it comes to coming. (yes i’m sure it’s something i could go to therapy for)

    • matbo

      I read once somewhere: you are responsible for your own orgasm. I took it to heart and I make sure I get one if I want one. I’ve also made sure to communicate that just because I don’t orgasm does not mean my partner is a failure or in any way insufficient.
      The important thing is that you are enjoying yourself I guess. I just don’t see faking as a nice thing to do. I’m also going to venture into the tired argument of sex being more than just for physical pleasure/orgasm. Because, well to me it is.

    • anons

      I agree and disagree @matbo – I think you are definitely responsible for your own orgasm, but in my experience asking someone to trust me that it’s “me not you” is difficult – I’ve tried it, and I really feel that my partners – no matter what – still take it a little to heart. I COMPLETELY agree that sex is about more than orgasm, I think sometimes that’s true even more for women, but again – my male partners don’t always understand. not that they’re stupid, but sex for dudes is SO much more about the orgasm, so they approach it totally different, ya dig? I don’t feel awesome about it, but I honestly think it’s the best way to take care of my difficulties in this area.

  • Eileen

    I’ve never faked an orgasm for a partner, and if it’s not happening, it usually *is* me. So, you know, a happy, pleased smile and a, “It’s just not going to happen tonight; come back up here and kiss me” works pretty well (or at least has in the past).

  • Heidi

    I love all your posts. I agree with both sides, and I don’t feel there is any easy answer to this question or dilema. I sometimes do, I sometimes don’t. It depends on the situation. And usually it’s to make him feel better about his performance because it simply is not going to happen. I too could probably benefit from some therapy regarding this issue, because it may go back to my self esteem (I have no problem with happy endings by myself) but who knows. Seems a lot of women do occassionally. So I’m not a minority.

  • Rebekah Mae

    I faked my orgasms with one guy I dated back in highschool but after a while i figured what’s the point? The guy’s can usually tell (or the guys I know have told me they can tell) and why make a guy think he’s doing something right when he’s clearly NOT. (although I admit sometimes it is me) So now I just lay back and wait until he’s done and move on. No need for the extra show of moans and heavy breathing for no reason.

  • brig

    I’m with anons! Ive been dating the same man for 2 years and, though i thoroughly enjoy sex with him, i have a hard time orgasming with other people, always have. He wants to take care of me and I want to let him know that I am loving it so I usually do fake it. I don’t see the harm, and it makes him happy :)

    • anons

      PHEW!!! haha, glad i’m not alone, brig. i used to be more idealistic and refused to fake, but it really seemed to harm the sexual aspect of previous relationships – i don’t have a problem asking for what i want, it’s just that it rarely will get me off when another person is involved. once i started integrating the “fake” and got over my guilt at doing so, my sex life has thrived.

  • Corrie

    I’m going to have to go with Gwen on this one. I almost never have to, but every once in a while it’s just not going to happen. Once I start feeling sore I fake to keep the experience from ending in tears and ouchies on my part. That’s no good for either of us.

  • Another Anon

    I have never had an orgasm. Ever. By myself or with another person. I know what I like, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed sex with my boyfriends of the past, but I’ve never been able to orgasm. I’ve thought I was close before, but no cigar.

  • matbo

    All you women who are faking it can’t you see? You’re just perpetuating the myth that sex without orgasm is failure. Fight the good fight!

  • M

    I’m on the Rosie end of the spectrum; I’ve never faked it but I’ve never had to. I can orgasm almost literally at the drop of a hat. It wasn’t always true, but I was on antidepressants for years and when they say sexual side effects are common they aren’t kidding: I could masturbate furiously for hours and never ever finish. It was incredibly frustrating. When I finally came off the meds, I discovered that all my efforts had essentially trained my body into ridiculously easy repeated orgasms now that whatever was blocking me is gone.

    The downside: I have the most anticlimactic orgasms ever, no pun intended. Even back in the pre-antidepressants days they weren’t the earthshattering experience that I know some other women have. On particularly unexciting days, I only know I finished because I no longer feel compelled to be stimulated. But usually I can tell when it happens, and some are more exciting than others, but my boyfriend still generally asks because there’s no obvious indicator to him if it happened or not [though I almost always have multiples with him]. A good tip-off to him is if I start drooling though; it usually happens after the first one. And I start being unable to balance or support my weight after the third or fourth.

    But yes. Maybe it’s because my destination isn’t quite as mind-blowing as some people’s, but to me great sex is about the whole experience, not just the [numerous but not exceedingly noteworthy] orgasm[s]. I would say I honestly don’t feel like they add a lot to the experience if not for the fact that I remember how much it sucked hardcore to get aroused and not be able to fix it when I was medicated.

  • lis

    Im sad. Im almost 40 and have had 1 realtionship at age 26 where i had my first vaginal orgasm. after 30+ years, nothing. Oral i snice, but i get frustrated and turned off by men who have huge sex drives, becasue its tiring, they “pound” try to be so sexual and im turned off and depressed