Well, the news has finally broken: Kate Middleton — soon to be Princess Catherine — will be arriving at the royal wedding in a carriage.
This, you’ll recall, is an update from our previous report that someone in the Middleton clan had tweeted the news that Kate would show up in a car rather than a carriage — a tweet which set royal nerves on edge and earned the future princess a call, rumor had it, from none other than the queen herself.
I think we can all imagine, at this point, what was communicated over the course of that call. Suffice it to say, there will be no car.
That said, I’d like to make one thing clear, because I, like you, have seen enough bridal shows to know that there’s nothing a bridezilla loves more than a carriage, which means that many a bridezilla the world over will take this as a green light to get a carriage to her own wedding.
So let’s be clear. It’s not tacky for Kate Middleton to arrive at her own wedding in a carriage because she is marrying royalty. You arrive like a princess when you’re about to become a princess. You don’t arrive like a princess as part of an elaborate, childish fantasy game as you prepare to enter into the most serious, most adult commitment of your life.
OK? No carriages, just because Kate Middleton did it. You’re not Kate Middleton. And you’re not a princess. You are a grown-ass woman. Get out of the carriage.