• Thu, Mar 24 2011

Conversations I Imagine Having With Prince Harry

Have you heard about Harry Hunters? They’re women from around the world determined to marry Prince Harry. (Did you see how that rhymed? It rhymed). According to the Daily Beast:

 Aspiring princesses… are crossing the ocean in hopes of capturing the redheaded royal’s heart (and the tiara that comes with it). Some rely on semesters abroad to lend an air of social normalcy to their excursions, while others simply count their pennies—or lean on their parents—to fund extended vacations in Britain. But the goal is always the same: to live happily ever after with a prince of the realm.

But what will they say to him if they find him? Sometimes I imagine running into Prince Harry, too. And sometimes I can jump effectively ahead to “OMGNOWIAMAPRINCESS!” But I get kind of stuck on how that first conversation between us is going to work, given that everything I know about Prince Harry is gleaned from tabloids and none of it is positive. So this is how it goes in my fantasy:

Jennifer: Hahahaha esoteric joke about a book I like*

Harry: That is my favorite book I love you.

Now, here’s a few variations on how I imagine it would actually go.

Conversation #1.

Jennifer: So, the Nazi costume thing. That was meant… to be funny?

Harry: That’s an uncomfortable topic.

Jennifer: Are you kind of an asshole? I am, sometimes.

Harry: I have to leave now.

Conversation #2.

Jennifer: Do you think a lot about what it would be like if your brother died? Because then you’d have to be king. Or, do you see that as being a good thing?

Conversation #3.

Jennifer: So, you dated Tara Reid, right?

Harry: No.

Jennifer: Lindsay Lohan?

Harry: No.

Jennifer: But all the girls you date just seem like those two women smushed together, right? I’m not saying you date two women at once. I’m just saying that all the women you date are…orange. Umm, in a good way?

Conversation #4.

Jennifer: That drug scandal, was that pot? Or were you into non-pot stuff? I can’t remember! There was a scandal, right? You are into something? I hope so or I’ve just got Alzheimer’s!

And this is why I am fated to marry a peasant.

*Star Wars novelizations.

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  • Molly

    “Are you kind of an asshole? I am, sometimes.” Girl crush. Hilarious.

  • Julia, Princess of Wales

    Those are the same things I would say to him except about the Nazi costume, being a asshole and the drugs. Actually, it would be a lot less stupid than yours! Take that and shove it up your ass!!!!!