Real Talk: Horrifying Ways Our Parents Found Out We Lost Our Virginity

Well, they’re not all horrifying. Some of them are.

Yeah, most of them.

Oh, and the next real talk in on men’s bad first dates, because we only talked to women for the bad first date piece. If you have a man-friend who went out with someone crazy and wants to share, have them send me a message at Jennifer [at] thegloss.com.

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    • Ashley

      It wasn’t horrifying when my mom found out I lost my virginity – I basically just told her. What is horrifying is that now – years later – she remembers the date even though I barely do and brings it up randomly. In fact this year she called and said “happy anniversary” and I had to say “for what”.

      Oh well – guess that’s better than some of these alternatives.

    • Megan

      Holy sweet Jesus Anna FTW. Or maybe for the loss. Your call. Either way, Anna’s takes that cake. Holy hell.

    • matbo

      Tim, “dads are cool about that stuff”…unless it’s there little girl then you’d better still be a virgin when you’re thirty, maybe adopt and avoid the issue altogether.

      • matbo

        oh cringe… their*

    • Julie

      My high school boyfriend tied up a used condom and hid it in his bedroom trash can. A couple days later, the family dog fished it out and paraded around the house with it in his mouth. He was confronted by his parents, and it was kind of a drama bomb. They didn’t like me anyway, I was really shy and frightened of them. Also, a couple years younger and in his younger brother’s class. (A Big Deal during high school.) He then neglected to inform me of this event for weeks, so I was around him and his family without knowing that they knew. Ugh.

      A few months after that, my dad accidentally poked through an elaborate ruse I had set up in order to go to sneak off to a teen clinic for birth control. He went through this whole thing of telling me I was too young, blah blah blah. It was a very terrible time in adolescence for me.

    • M

      I started having sex late [20] and still didn’t tell my parents until later. In the interests of full disclosure and open communication and yadda yadda they appreciated it, which is mostly why I told them [eventually]. I don’t think either of them were extremely shocked except for the part where they could not figure out when it would’ve happened. I also neglected to tell them that the first guy I slept with was my dad’s friend [oops] [and in my defense they were not close friends, and he's closer to my age than Dad's]. Despite the fact that they both had the same reaction when I told them separately: a very long silence, and then, ‘..So who’s the lucky guy?’ He and I did have a healthy enjoyable non-dating weekend sex sort of relationship for about half a year, we’re still friends, and I have no regrets about it, but I’m still pretty sure I’m never going to tell them. Even though they both liked him. They would probably like him less if they found out he deflowered their baby girl.

      • S

        I had a friend in high school who deflowered 4 guys in around 2 years. One was a 21-year-old on the polo team her dad coached. Several of the teammates were joking around about how he finally got his v-card punched, when her dad walked up and asked who the lucky girl was. Everyone got quiet and he pretty much figured it out from there. Super awkward!

        (She was 17, so it was legal in Texas where we were.)

    • S

      Bela, your story just brought back all sorts of flashbacks of the most awkward night of my young high school life. My now-fiancé’s father walked into his bedroom to find him naked, tied up, and blindfolded and me giving him head. We were fifteen, and I was absolutely horrified that he might tell my parents.

      My mom, in her typical über-WASP fashion, decided in her head that we were having sex sometime around when I was 16. On a normal, everyday trip to the mall when we were stopped at a stoplight when she turned to look at me and said, “S, I know you’re having sex. Be safe and I don’t ever want to hear about it. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”

      But, yay, 8 years later we’re getting married, so it’s all ok.

    • oja

      I’m 21 and my mom was pretty surprised to learn that I am still a virgin; I guess she was assuming I lost it in highschool.

    • Magda

      My mom still doesnt know. She suspects, but I havent confirmed. One of my friends (who is an ass and thinks everyone should know everyones business) tried telling her while I was In the shower. When I left, she was like, “Ryan says you’re having sex. Why would he say that.” I was like, “Mom, you know Ryan. He always tells lies to try to cause drama. He thinks its funny.” So she let it go. I think. haha.

      Its not that I have a problem with her knowing, I just dont what her to know the Who, What, When, Where of how it happened for the first time.

    • Arnie

      About two months into my first serious relationship (I was 18 at the time. Just finished High School) I was going to stay the night at my boyfriend’s house and my Dad sat me down and offered me condoms.
      I don’t think he believed me when I told him that I really was just staying the night at his because I didn’t want to walk home from the party we’d been at.

      We didn’t actually start having sex until about three months later, and I always found it amusing that my parents thought I was having sex well before I actually was. Never actually talked about it with them, but I dated that guy for well over a year, and there were many more sleepovers (not to mention the two months I was house-sitting) during that time, so I assume they know, and don’t really feel the need to have that particular discussion again.

    • mj

      I had a UTI. I had to tell my mom.

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