Real Talk: Incredibly Inappropriate Lust Objects

Oh, you guys lust after Alan Rickman? No shit, you lust after Alan Rickman. We all lust after Alan Rickman. It makes watching Harry Potter hugely uncomfortable, also, is the only good reason to watch Harry Potter. In other news, I think we all know that mine is Jeremy Irons. Here are some other lust objects that make people in the office feel bad, sort of. Bad and also tingly.

Share This Post:
    • andrea dunlop

      Lil’ Wayne and Rahm Emanuel are mine…

    • Kinzi

      I really think it is HIGHLY irresponsible to put the work RAPIST in capital letters over the photo of someone who is not a rapist. Mouth rape is a really stupid term too. Way to keep it classy.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Okay, that was a picture that was found on the internet, but wow. He tricks a girl into thinking he is someone she knows so he can engage in a sex act with her. I find it HIGHLY irresponsible that you don’t think that qualifies as some kind of rape. I know, it’s for a comedy movie, it’s funny, it was back in the day when everyone got away with that kind of stuff, but I think it’s important to recognize that’s illegal. Whether she thinks it’s cool is kind of beside the point.

        Also, oh, look, rapist out of fucking nowhere:

      • Chelsea

        Oh my gosh, THANK YOU Jennifer! My friend wrote an article a couple months ago of this trend where guys trick women into getting naked in movies as “comedy” and this was one of the big examples. That part of the movie was definitely rape-y.

    • Carey

      I am totally on board with Michael Emerson.

    • porkchop

      The only reason I brought up Alan Rickman was because every time I see Jeremy Irons, I remember that he was in Die Hard 2, and that he was totally weak compared to the scorching evil hotness of Rickman’s Hans Gruber. Now, He looks like a haggard alcoholic… which is cool for English people. He still has a sexy voice.

      Did you all know he played Valmont in Dangerous Liaisons on stage before he got into movies? CAN YOU IMAGINE?

      • Jennifer Wright

        The only reason I brought up Alan Rickman is how uncomfortable I get in Harry Potter because his voice is ridiculously amazing.

        I am going to spend a lot of time trying to squeeze my eyes closed hard enough to make it seem like I’m watching that version of Les Liasons. Squeezing so hard.

    • porkchop

      Also: James Spader’s powers don’t have anything to do with his appearance. I’m glad he has recognized this and made a lifelong commitment to never working out again.

    • Goldie

      Jeff Goldblum

      • Nikki

        Totally Jeff Goldblum! Super hot and sexy.

      • Crystal

        Same here!

    • Nikki

      Besides Jeff Goldblum, I also like Eric Stoltz. Especially when he guest starred on Law and Order: SVU as a priest and Grey’s Anatomy as a serial killer. I need serious therapy.

    • Saskia

      I’m so lusting after Colin Farrell

    • katie

      You forgot Bruce willis I have an undying flame for him even though he is older than my father and i am 21. I think it has to do with the die hard movies

    • Mallory

      You guys… Ben from LOST… I LOST it. (har har)

    • August S.

      30 Rock’s Dennis Duffy (played by Dean Winters*). Yes, I have the hots for a character whose sole purpose is to embody all the characteristics of a terrible, terrible boyfriend. And yet… he could be my subway hero. All. Night. Long.

      I’m not proud of it.

      *I separate this inappropriate crush from my completely different and appropriate crush on Dean Winters, who is hot, a very good actor, and (as far as I know) not a Beeper King.

      • M

        Have you seen Oz? Dean Winters’ character is also a terrible terrible person [note: I haven't watched 30 Rock so the 'also' is based on your description], and also naked not infrequently, and also still amazing and entirely lustworthy [the nudity doesn't hurt this].

      • M

        Oh god and I forgot to mention his brother [the character's brother, played by the actor's brother] who is even MORE inappropriate as a lust object because he is murdery AND brain-damaged with the comprehension of a five-year-old, but also not infrequently naked or shirtless. There is definitely clear family resemblance.

      • August S.

        Hah! Hot, yet brain-damaged and cursed with ridiculous baby-talk (and in one paticularly WTF-worthy story line, an old man): Cyril O’Riley wins the inappropriate crush war forever.
        I love OZ and own all the seasons, although my boyfriend hates when i watch them–not because of my blatant drooling over Ryan, but because I’ve been known to throw things at the TV when Tim McManus opens his stupid, self-righteous mouth.

    • Carlee

      I still have a childhood crush on Judd Nelson from Breakfast Club and David Bowie from Labyrinth.

    • Magda

      I love, love, LOVE Anthony Bourdain. Like people make fun of me for how much i have a crush on him. I find him to be incredibly sexy. If we got together, in a perfect world where we are not devided by geography, age and socio/economic differences, there would be no reservations in anyway. ..:::wink, wink::..

      • katie

        oh ho ho i see what you did there. haha and i do so agree. i think “badass chef” is such a contradiction in all the right ways.

    • Colleen

      David Bowie
      Hugh Laurie
      Michael Cera
      The guy who plays Artie on Glee.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Bowie is an appropriate answer to 99% of questions.

      • M

        I think Hugh Laurie is an entirely appropriate lust object.

      • Megan

        I will second Hugh Laurie. “House” has been incredibly terrible television for two years now, and OF COURSE I still DVR it. Because Hugh Laurie is hot. Hugh Laurie was hot in historical costumes when he did “Blackadder,” and Hugh Laurie is hot now.

        Of course, I’m separating that from my lusting after the “House” character, too. Because damn if there isn’t something about a selfish, sarcastic, sadistic, drug-abusing bastard that really turns me to jelly.

        Also: Patrick Stewart. Cary Elwes.

      • Rebekah Mae

        Yeah the guy who plays Artie on Glee is hella hot. And he’s such a good singer.

        Oh and Bruce Willis.

    • Jacci

      So glad I’m not the only one who feels lust for Helen Mirren. And I would marry Anderson Cooper, even if he is gay.

    • ALS

      I have several:

      David Bowie, Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, David Bowie. Oh wait, I said that already.

      • oja

        When did it become inappropriate to want David Bowie?
        ….I didn’t get the memo

    • Brittany

      Louie C.K., (Louis CK)- after i started watching his show on fx-i think it’s because of his type of comedy.
      Alice Cooper- and mostly rockstars of the 70′s-the musical factor is key!
      Marilyn Manson-even though he’s kinda psycho and is crazy to have let Dita go, he just screams sexuality!
      And, probably the weirdest- Bill Moseley (Otis) in House of 1,000 corpses and Devil’s Rejects-even though he has sex with corpses-he’s just acting! lol

    • Leah

      Bradley Whitford circa West Wing. He plays a total dick on the show and isn’t even that hot, but I would totally bone him.

    • Lindsay Cross

      Jen, I’m in the minority with you. There is absolutely nothing sexy about Jackass. Or anyone involved in it. Stupidity is actually a huge turn off.

    • oja

      …Lady Gaga
      All my crushes are weird, but she’s a weirdest.
      I’ve wanted to have crazy, needlessly elaborate, costumed sex with her ever since I saw the Bad Romance video.

    • Natalie

      Anderson Cooper. YUM.
      I constantly get mocked for this but the heart wants what the heart wants.

    • Tb

      Rickaman – Seduce me with your goddamn delicious voice

    • missy

      I have had a crush on Bill Shatner since I was 3. I also love 1990′s Gary Oldman with all my heart.

    • missy

      oh….I forgot about Jeff Goldblum, actually, that reminds me that I also used to have a huge crush on Megan Mulally. She has a tremendous rack.

    • LaLa

      Stephen Colbert! And I don’t mean, “Haha he’s funny and kinda cute” I mean, “I want you NOW Stephen Colbert!!!”

    • Odbery

      Alistair from Dragon Age. Inappropriate because he’s a video game character.

      Also, I’m an elf, he’s human.

      • Astrid

        Oh my god me too! And Nathaniel from Dragon Age…

      • Odbery

        I have a genuine crush on him lol I swear DA just does things to people. I haven’t played Awakening or 2 yet, but I’ve seen people fangirl/boy pretty hard for Anders and Fenris. I doubt they’ll replace Alistair to me though. Too bad he’s so hard to romance XD

    • Sara

      Give me some Rahm Emanuel with a side of Daniel Day Lewis every day.

    • Jape

      Rickman! The only thing that can douse the flame is watching him in “Barchester Towers” when he’s a) a chaplain b) named Obadiah and c) is so thin he has a bit of bobblehead going on. But then, close your eyes and his voice reignites the lust!

    • ThisIsMyFace

      I actually get the Jackass crew thing, but only Bam. I love Bam.

      We would probably end up dying together, going really fast then colliding with something sharp, but it would be L.O.V.E.

    • Dara

      I’m just pysched to know that you have a staff member with the same name as me!

    • jolieme

      ya johnny knoxville is kinda hot.colin’s cute n all but his just so damn easy,the thrill’s in the chase and his just too easy.

    • E.D.

      David Duchovny

    • Rose

      I know I’m way late on commenting on this but…James May from Top Gear.