• Mon, Apr 11 2011

The Best Worst Date Story You Will Ever Hear

There are a lot of things I regret about last week. But mostly I regret the huge mind blip that made me forgot my favorite awkward dating story when Jennifer was out polling for bad date tales. Though at this point, cakes and babies is so much more than a dating story. And in fact, as far as first dates go, this one was quite pleasant.

Basically, I met this very nice man at a party a few years back, and he asked me out for a drink. I said yes, but got a text message about a potential new apartment right as I walked up to the bar where we were meeting. I had to be in Brooklyn in an hour, so it would have to be a very quick date.

But just as I remembered, my date was very nice about this. In fact, he was very nice about everything. Halfway through my drink, I realized he hadn’t said a single critical thing since I sat down. Because I am neurotic and negative, I started to think this wasn’t going to work out. However, he was so nice, I was definitely enjoying myself.

Also, he seemed to like me a lot. He was very excited that I was a writer. A “blogger” in fact. He had lots of blogger friends! I seemed too nice to be a blogger. Aw, shucks. (Clearly I hadn’t spoken much yet.) He was a designer, but he noted, he also had a blog.

“Really? What’s it called?”
“Cakes And Babies.”
“Come again?”
“Cakes And Babies.”
“So, like, cakes shaped like babies?”
“No. Just pictures of cakes and babies.”
“Together?”
“Not usually.”

I was thoroughly confused. Was this a twist on the site Cute Overload? Apparently not.

Finally I got the courage to ask a question I’d never thought of posing to a man:

“Um…so…are you just really into babies?”

I’d never been on a date with a man who was baby obsessed. Was this a genre of male I had yet to be acquainted with? Was he desperate to be a house husband? Would getting involved with him mean I’d have to start worrying that one day he would “accidentally” impregnate me if I was slow moving with my desire to have children? How did I get myself into this situation?

“Oh no, nothing like that. I just thought it was a good idea for a blog.”

Wow. As I was bracing myself for him to be a baby making creepazoid, I’d never contemplated the idea that someone would sit around brainstorming ideas for a personal blog and suddenly think: “Eureka! Cakes! And Babies!”
Not only was he the nicest, most earnest man I’d ever been on a date with, he seemed completely oblivious to the fact that daily updates to a website that focused on cakes and babies was a rather strange thing for a single man in New York City to occupy his time with.

So we talked about some of the photos I might come upon if I were to check out Cakes And Babies. This week for instance, he found the craziest photo: a picture of a real baby, happily sitting on top of a cake. Wow. And weirdly, I found myself more disturbed by the editorial choice of creating Cakes And Babies than if he had simply been super. Into. Babies. (This is but one reason why you should never date writers, single people. We’re fucked.)

Suddenly, it was time for me to go check out this apartment in Brooklyn.

I’m pretty sure he was convinced that I had manufactured this apartment viewing to cut our date short. In fact, I hadn’t. He was absolutely lovely. But it was time for me to go.

And after I viewed the apartment (which I did not get), I went back to my computer and pulled up Cakes And Babies (now defunct, sadly). And there, for the all world to behold, were cakes and babies as far the eye could see. Near the top of the page, there was the aforementioned picture of said happy baby sitting a top said cake. And this photo was captioned: “WT-.”

I sat in amazement that this lovely man could not bring himself to type a curse word on his website full of baby photos. But more than that, he could even abbreviate a curse on this site. WT-. I almost didn’t recognize the abbreviation without the phrase defining F. What the fuck, indeed.

Needless to say, we didn’t go on another date. I don’t believe he called me again, to be honest. Perhaps he was out gallivanting with his friends telling them some embarrassing cakes and babies type story that I shared with him that night. Either way, a few years later, I was out with a mutual friend and found out that in fact, Cakes and Babies now had his own baby. Exciting! I relayed the story of Cakes and Babies to the friend and he said sadly:

“Yeah….He had to take that site down.”

Really. Why? What sort of problem could anyone have with Cakes And Babies? Well, apparently these photos were often scoured from people’s personal photo feeds. And at some point, some Argentinians stumbled across the site. It took our friend, the proprietor of Cakes and Babies, awhile to figure out what the heated Spanish debate taking place in the comments section of his blog was about. But a quick trip to Babblefish sorted it out.

Apparently, there was an auction going on. Someone other than me was also confused about the concept of this site and mistook Cakes And Babies as a baby marketplace. And a group of people started a bidding war in the comments, trying to purchase the babies on display. Oops.

Earnestness will get you nowhere. However! Despite its unfortunate demise, I’ll always keep Cakes and Babies in my heart. Because without that slightly awkward first date I wouldn’t have my favorite descriptor of a completely divine mood/moment. Now, on a summer day, when birds are chirping and kids are frolicking in the park, and a friend comes by to ask me how I’m doing, I can proudly state:

“Oh, you know. Cakes and Babies.”

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  • oja

    I don’t get how that was supposed to have been such a horrible date, you went out with a nice guy who had an odd website; if that was your worst date ever, then you’re really lucky.

    • Meghan Keane

      No, it wasn’t my worst date ever. In fact, it was pretty much Cakes and Babies.

  • D-Rock

    Not a bad date at all. That baby has bitch tits.

  • niamh

    I can imagine the guy’s face as he’s explaining this to you too. Like, “yeah bitch, cakes and babies. Duh.”

  • August S.

    Hilarious, and much better than Baby Cakes (which is either an annoying term of endearment … or a horrifying dessert made from babies.)

  • Joe

    I want the time it took to read this drivel back.

  • Anna

    Lame.

  • jolieme

    Mine was with a guy who looked like a really hot guy but actually was like a really pervy old man in a young man suit,chewed on my face like a hungry ferret,turned a convo about the weather into something really gross,but on the plus side was going to spain the next day for a year.The minus was when he came back he would not stop begging me for mts-eg:”Call me when you want a boyfriend again,promise”etc.