What Inanimate Object Would You Like To Marry?

Some lady married a truck. That was dumb. Who wants to marry a stupid dumb truck?

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t marry inanimate things because they shouldn’t marry inanimate things. I’m not saying that, because in 12th century Venice, the Doge was given a ring by the Pope with the command “Ricevilo in pegno della Sovranità che Voi e i successori Vostri avrete perpetuamente sul Mare.” Which means: “take this ring as a token of your Sovereignty over the Sea so that You and Your successors will be everlasting”. So each year, the Doge rowed a gondola out into the sea to renew his vows with it. He would toss his ceremonial ring into the lagoon and say “I the Doge, who is Venice itself, marry you, the Sea.” And then I guess everybody would cry, just big fat salty tears, because that’s just really beautiful and poignant.

So, that’s a good example of marrying a non-human. I’ve included some helpful pick-up lines.

Here are some other non-human things I think that lady could leave her truck for.

Share This Post:
    • G

      oh, hai.

    • porkchop

      I would probably marry a Christmas Tree! Sometimes, my brain adds a Christmas Tree into my happiest memories, just to make them even better.

    • jolieme

      Jag-you complete me.

    • Chickalupe

      Jennifer, you always make me smile! And I would totally marry that Carousel Horse. :D

    • Rosebud

      Coffee.

    • Carrie

      Jennifer, you’re hysterical. I would marry your next article, sight unseen :)

    • Nessy

      I’m having an affair with Diet Coke. Don’t tell my husband.