Brooding Men More Desirable Than Robert Pattinson

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me with this elephant business? Hah. That was funny, women of America. You got me! You got me with the whole “pretending to desire Robert Pattinson sexually” joke. I’m glad that’s over now, and we can go back to lusting after these infinitely more appropriate and desirable brooders.

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    • Odbery

      Hear, hear. Also, so much yum.

    • Dana

      mmmm James Dean, YES. And too bad Jaoquin Phoenix turned really weird these last few years…So, I disagree on that one.

    • Lauren

      I agree on all of these. Except Joaquin Phoenix. Great actor, just not into him.

      James Dean is my all time favorite everything. The best part about James Dean – he lied to everyone, so every biography has different accounts of what his life was like. I have read I think 6 or 7 biographies on him and all have them have something in them that the others don’t.

      Also, he never actually won an academy award. He was nominated for East of Eden (Best Actor, and in my opinion the best of his 3 movies) and Giant (Best Supporting Actor), both after he died but he didn’t win either. He wasn’t even nominated for Rebel Without a Cause, the movie that everyone thinks of when they think James Dean.

    • Hannah Beth

      Marlon Brando and Humphrey Bogart are my main men.

      Also, I didn’t know if you were doing a vampire pun on the first slide, but you titled it James “Dead.”

      • Jennifer Wright

        If only that was a pun and not a terrible word-association trick thing that happened in my mind. Because James died really young. Or because of vampires. Let’s blame vampires.

    • Allison

      I agree with the last side. Basically ever brooding man is more desirable than . . . THAT.

    • spivy

      fuck all ya’ll. joaquin phoenix’s hot years were untouchable. i’m with you, jen.

    • minniemouse

      paul newman in cat on a hot tin roof YES?

      • Jennifer Wright

        Hell yes. Though I think it’s Elizabeth Taylor’s lust for him that makes him seem THAT desirable.

    • Rebeca

      It is Edgar Allan Poe

    • woo

      What about James Franco? He’s the broodingest brooder who ever brooded! AND I want to bone him.

    • Venus in Furs

      I heart Christian Bale (especially in his Batman get-up). For those of you who are similarly afflicted, check out the movie, Metroland, in which he has hot sex with his hot French girlfriend. There is also bilingual brooding when he speaks French with an English accent. It is magically delicious.