This morning a friend of ours that we gave the pseudonym Jerkface declared, “If I was a prince I’d marry Grace Kelly or someone just beautiful like a fucking angel and then I’d have an insanely hot and stupid sidepiece for when my class-act princess wife won’t do gross stuff.”
Which made us think about Prince Charle’s long-term sidepiece, Camilla Parker Bowles. You know. Who did the gross stuff.
No wonder I like her a lot.
I guess this period surrounding the royal wedding is a good time to touch on the fact that William’s dad is married again. The affair between Charles and Camilla seems to go along with royal weddings especially because, memorably, when Diana found out that Charles was still seeing Camilla right before the wedding, her sister told her “”Too late, Duch (the family name for Diana), your face is already on the tea towels.”
I’d like to think that we’ve come a long way and that Kate would be the kind of person who could reply “I don’t really place that much value on tea towels. They are tea towels. The commemorative fake nails, however…”
And I’d also like to think that we’re past the “hot sidepiece” era. Still, with stories like that, and the great love felt towards Diana, it’s little wonder that Camilla wasn’t exactly embraced when Charles did marry her. In 1993 she was pelted with rolls in a supermarket, and she never made that much progress. According to the BBC 39% of Brits polled disapproved of the 2005 marriage.
And it probably didn’t help that while Diana was a glamorous beauty, Camilla was plain by comparison.
But that’s always made me like her more.
And look, she and Charles have been in love for 40 years. That’s absurdly charming. And I’ve always believed that if Charles and Camilla met today, they would be married, and it never would have been an issue. Did you know how Camilla met Charles? She went up to him at a polo match and declared, “‘My great-grandmother was the mistress of your great-grandfather – so how about it?’ That’s a really strong line. An Prince Charles was apparently instantly smitten. But Prince Charles dithered (perhaps because of his great uncle’s conviction that women-who’ve-been-bedded-can’t-be-wedded), and Camilla was shortly thereafter proposed to by Andrew Parker Bowles.
Yeah, Charles should have moved quicker.
And I’m not defending their affair, because, okay, affairs are very bad. But nearly 15 years after their first meeting Charles was still professing a desire to live inside Camilla’s lady-parts like a tampon. Which is a really weird thing to say. But! Also kind of nice. I’ve always felt the intent on that was pleasant, it was just… the use of the word tampon that really killed it. If he’d said “I want to live inside you, preferably near your pancreas, as though I were a miniature explorer in The Fantastic Voyage” it would just be the kind of thing that absolutely everyone says when they’re in love. Though people don’t always say such things after 15 years.
And after 40, they still seem rather thrilled to be together. It makes sense, too. They seem to share the same sort of dowdy, horsey outlook. They like polo matches and discussing “the high cost of modern life.” (Seriously. Hopefully at polo matches). She seems a better match for Charles than Diana, for all her grace and elegance, ever did. And while I’m delighted to read about young love between Kate and William, 7 years isn’t really that long. We’ll see where they are in 40.