• Mon, May 2 2011

Real Talk: Men Tell Us If They Expect Women To Go Down On Them

I was reading Jay McInerney’s Story of My Life - it’s the novel where the main character is based on Rielle Hunter! – and there’s a scene where some men are talking about how great the main character is in bed. One asks if she gave blowjobs as though blowjobs were not completely the norm. And then it’s revealed that no, she doesn’t do blowjobs. But it’s cool. Still great in bed. Blowjobs are just really kinky.

This completely amazed me. The book was published in 1988. In twenty years, have we gone from thinking of blowjobs as a perverse extra to something people start doling out in high school? I talked to my male friends to see if any of them didn’t expect blowjobs.

Disclaimer: As is always the case with Real Talks where we interview men, we’re not suggesting you change your behavior. You shouldn’t, and frankly, I’m not sure men who completely expect blowjobs really deserve them. Consider us just freaky scientists, boring holes into the brains of members of the opposite sex, asking embarassing questions on your behalf.

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  • veronica

    totally agree with the lawyer on the last slide!! if they arent willing why should we still be? double standards

  • Allie

    I mean are we talking full BJ or just a warm-up? I feel like it should be expected (and offered) both ways, but not to completion.

  • Lucinda

    Mr. Stockbroker, how exactly are things “different” for men?

    • Venus in Furs

      Yeah, I’d like to know what the difference is, too.

  • Megan

    I really want to know more about the Star Wars roleplay. Can’t lie.

  • http://bigapplepants.com sarahnoid

    My reaction as I read these:
    1) Publicist: Aww, how cute. You’ll grow up soon, kiddo.
    2) Equity: Love doesn’t involve hookers. Herpes involves hookers.
    3) Media: Dude, you opened that line up. We NEED to know!
    4) Editor: You are the reason women like to date older men.
    5) Journalist: Wise beyond your years. You should teach classes. Start with #1.
    6) Stockbroker: Dov Charney, is that you?
    7) Unemployed: If it’s so easy, you do it.
    8) Media #2: Call me.
    9) Prof: You’re hitting on the wrong women.
    10) Lawyer: DING DING!!!!

    Where do you find the men you ask these questions?!

    • Jennifer Wright

      They’re our buddies! And boyfriends. Sometimes Ashley and I buy them a beer for this, but not very often.

    • Dove

      I sincerely hope no one is dating Unemployed. You all seem like fun and interesting women, and I kind of doubt that he deserves friends like you, much less ladyfriends like you…

      Because jesus, what a heinous sexual partner he would be. (AND I’d rather give than get, but only to a guy who’s happy to go 50/50).

    • Dove

      Sorry, I meant Stockbroker. Got the questionable responsesmixed up.

    • B

      My thoughts exactly! Fricking hate stockbroker. “It’s different for men”, pfffft. Ugh, just remembering it is giving me indigestion. Love new media guy, such a cutie!

  • Lauren

    Unemployed – it’s actually not easy at all. Gag reflexes (assuming there is something there to gag on) teeth, tongue motions, saliva, balls, hair, hand involvement. You have to know your surroundings! Not to mention the guys that think they need to assist you. I think it’s harder to give a good blowjob than it is to have good sex.

    That being said, I love giving blow jobs. They are always on the table, even if a guy isn’t willing to go down on me, because that’s difficult too, and sometimes just not even worth it.

    • Dove

      SERIOUSLY. I very much enjoy giving them but as Samatha says “they don’t call it a job for nothing.” It is WAY harder than going down on a girl, where you actually only have to move your mouth around, not shove something into your throat.

      Also, any guy who says “it’s different for men and women” would not be getting any jobs from me. Gross.

  • August S.

    My aunt and I had this conversation! She’s in her late 60s, and after a few (read: 6-ish) glasses of Chardonnay, she admitted that she couldn’t understand my “generation’s fascination with whatjamacallit”. Apparently, giving head not only wasn’t expected when she was young, it was considered VERY risque. Not even the “easy” girls would do it. But now “it’s all over the TV! Even on the Law and Order!”
    (I think she’s mixing up L&O with HBO, by the way)
    The fact that the older men mostly came down on the side of not-expecting bjs backs her up, so I guess she’s right and girls my age “will just put anything in your mouths!”
    (I love my aunt, she is amazingly quotable, especially when soused)

    • http://bigapplepants.com sarahnoid

      Had you not mentioned her age, I may have thought you were my nephew incognito!! :-)

  • matbo

    I can’t believe almost every single man expects blow jobs. Expecting something takes all the fun and generosity out of giving it. The young men are very “me, me, me!” – I thought sex was supposed to be fun, not checking off a bunch of expected services. Is our generation really that selfish?

  • macalny

    It would seem that “Unemployed” is not packing much between the legs since he thinks blowjobs aren’t hard. Women clearly have had no trouble with his junk ’cause he doesn’t have much. Works out nicely for him and the women he dates, unless they want to actually enjoy intercourse. . . .

    As for the douche bag who says it’s different for men, please elaborate. Why? What on earth does that mean? It is the same. Oh wait, it’s not. As a previous commenter said, when men go down on women they don’t have something SHOVED DOWN THEIR THROAT. And I actually enjoying giving blow jobs. Honestly. But dude, you gotta get over the whole, “it’s different for us” bullshit. Unless you’ve gone down on men AND women and can actually explain these supposed differences, shut yer trap.

    Ultimately who cares whether men expect them? Focus on whether you’re willing to give one. That’s what matters.

  • Reed

    The only thing getting blown right now is MY MIND

  • Amy

    Hell yeah men expect blow jobs! I know I do, why shouldn’t they?

  • jim

    Am I the only one who thought that maybe #8 thought the question was about anal instead of oral?

    • B

      I’ve been with guys like this! I can understand though, it is kind of an awkward thing to do with someone you’ve just seen naked for the first time. Def way more intimate than sexytime. Especially if the sexytime was unexpected, because you want to prepare for that shit!

  • sarah

    i feel really uncomfortable with oral sex if i dont know the person really well. both giving and receiving i just feel like its way too much intimacy straight up. that said a lot of the guys ive slept with are fine with the no blow but insist on giving me head? because they like it? ive actually had arguments about it with dudes. weird.

  • sarah

    also the vast majority of these guys are awful.

  • Odbery

    I think oral sex should be like splitting the bill: both parties should be willing to go 50/50. Of course, if one wants to do it all themselves that’s perfectly fine too.

  • L

    I’d be forever alone if all of my relationships depended on oral sex. Forget that! I guess I was born into the wrong age, but I’d rather be alone than be with somebody who just “couldn’t do without” something as asinine as a mouth-hug. Lesbianism is looking really attractive right about now.

    Every man would do well to remember that there are toys on the market that can do everything you guys can do, and so much more. So go ahead and be picky – just wait until your knob is wrinkled and NOBODY will put their mouth on it. Oh, forever alone.

    • Neko

      Hear hear! I am so glad that my boyfriend doesn’t expect them, because I HATE giving them! (he’s like the professor…see why I like older guys!) There’s nothing that turns me off more! To me, it’s too submissive for me to enjoy, not to mention that I hate having body parts in my mouth… (not big on kisses with tongue either). It seems weird, but even as a straight woman, I’d rather lick a kitty than give a BJ anyday!

  • Leah

    Ugh guys are seriously awful. Kinda makes you want to be single forever.

    • Leah

      It’s just depressing that apparently guys my age expect me to suck on their penis, no questions asked. Ugh.

    • Tyler

      No I don’t just walk around expecting women to put my penis in their mouth. But at the same time I wouldn’t get married to a woman who never would. I guess what I am saying is don’t marry a guy whos not worth blowing, and if the thought of your lovers penis disgusts you well your probably not very good in bed. I am single but If I got married I would never cheat and I am not signing away ever getting another blowiob so that equals no marrying a woman who doesn’t ever give blowjobs. I’m a monogamist but I put work into my relationships and I expect at least 30 percent effort from her. I’m noticing a double standard by a lot of “feminists” on the internet. Damn straight men should bend over backwards for women but when a man and a woman are in a mutual loving relationship the man would be a total sexist pig to ask for anything he wants sexually or really anything he wants at all.

  • Caity

    I would be interested to find out if these gentelmen are all U.S. Americans. I think that oral sex is a very culturally tied. I’ve heard from several sources (including an ex) that in the U.K. oral is tantamount to basically the most intimate form of sex there is. Penetrative sex is not a big deal at all, but oral is something you save for “after marriage” etc.

  • Eileen

    Well…I think most (American, as noted) men expect women to go down on them simply because most women do! I know I’m guilty of doing it – why wouldn’t I? It’s something I like to do, and I’m not going to apologize for it. Certainly I don’t think that a woman who hates it should have to do it, but I also wouldn’t hold it against a man who broke up with a woman who didn’t want to do what he wanted in bed; being sexually compatible is important in a sexual relationship.

    • G

      yeah its a kinda chicken/egg thing. Did men come to expect it cuz women enjoyed turning men on by doing it? I know thats the case for me. I like doing it because it turns me on to turn someone else on. But I usually know their own proclivities before doing it, and generally, I don’t like guys who dont get off on giving as well. In that sense in makes sense the activity is reciprocal

  • Joe

    As an American dude, I still consider it a more intimate experience than just regular sex. I also think it varies person to person – overall I would suggest it is a matter of intimacy (certainly women aside) – whether it’s the guy or the girl going down. There’s a very European vibe in which going down on your SO definitely comes much later in the relationship.

    As a guy, I’d say that it comes only after going down on your woman. Frankly, it’s less physical to go down on your lady than it is for her to go down on us. Moreover, once you’ve consummated your physicality, the experience becomes far more intimate.

    That said – I do have one question for the ladies who enjoy it: how much trimming is good trimming? I feel like keeping a tidy house is a good thing. Enough to demonstrate I’ve got some life lessons and hair on my sack, but not so much that she’s getting hair on her tongue or gagging for the wrong reasons. Thoughts?

    • Eileen

      That sounds fine – although I’ve gone down on men who range from smooth-shaven to tropical rainforest, and while “trimmed” is my favorite I’m not really bothered by any of the other options. A hand at the base generally does a decent job of keeping any hair out of my face. I do draw the line at sucking on balls if they’re genuinely furry rather than just fuzzy, though, so if you’re into that, best to keep them trimmed.

    • Eileen

      (And wow that was kind of TMI…haha)

    • Mike P.

      Eileen: I appreciate your advice. I do enjoy a little bit of ball sucking so maybe I should start trimming my man grapes or maybe shaving/waxing. It’s probably a huge turnoff for a woman if she ends up with pubes in her mouth.

  • Beth

    To the guy who said giving head is “easy”:

    Get the biggest banana you can find, and have someone shove it in and out of your throat for 20 minutes. Make sure you gag. Then talk to me about blow jobs being easy.

    I’m not saying girls shouldn’t do them, I’m just saying guys should be appreciative when they do.

    • John

      somewhat agreed Beth. I would like to comment that blowjobs and deepthroating are two completely different things.

  • Dah

    Any women that doesn’t like giving blow jobs is most most likely a lesbian or a lesbian in the closet still. Guys always appreciate blow jobs, Beth too bad you don’t like men or sex, . Giving head is very easy. Beth its clear you never gave one. I am sure anyone that would go down on you would gag from the smell, You would really have to appreciate a guys effort if ever he did go down on you, unlikely as that would be.

    • Cmas

      Woah, someone’s defensive. Way to spout a bunch of ignorant, idiotic insults when Beth is only stating her opinion. Since you think blow jobs are “very easy” you must not even have a mouthful. You probably should try that deal with the banana, just so it shuts you up for a while.

  • Michael

    Its not hard if you practiced (by doing it alot)

  • Dave

    These commenters are such astonishing morons. I’d like to defend the idea that blowjobs should be standard but now I can’t because of these dudes.

  • Zero

    Men are pigs. There is no getting around that. But women can be equally as guilty so I’m not being sexist at all!! I swear! lol

    Men who expect blow jobs, honestly probably have watched way to much porn. Blow jobs are something that should be freely given, kinda like a gift, to make a man realize just how special it is that a girl is willing to take his penis into her mouth. Its hard for a girl to be comfortable to do it because there is a fear of the jokes of “Salty Semon”, the obvious smell (sometimes it just plain ole smells down there like it does with women) and just the fear of choking or being unable to please the guy.

    I have a best girl friend who refuses to do it because in her mind, that’s a dirty area.

    Me? I enjoy it…I’ve actually had to talk guys into letting me do it for them because they wanted to be “Gentlemen” and were afraid to take advantage. One guy just plain old dislikes receiving oral, he prefers normal sex.

    I’ve done it pretty much everywhere…bathrooms, cars (moving cars included)…it just depends on the girl and the guy. It honestly is a preference thing, for both gender. A lot of men expect it, some treat it like a gift, others will be touched you’re willing to do so for them and some will insist you don’t. lol

  • sara

    I think anyone in a relationship or married would agree that it is nicest to be clean down there i.e. no hair at all. After all a neat smooth pussy is nicer for him to kiss than a hairy mat and vice verce, I have no problem taking him in my mouth when I know he keeps it shaven including his sac.Go for it

  • Jenny Wong

    No wonder they prefer these to their husbands. Because their men are midgets as well are they not. So they suck these men off then go home to there husbands do they. Wonder what their husbands must think. Unless their husbands are secretly gay and don’t mind. But yes this is something thats been going on for a long time. This is one of the reason these men are locked away so these women from sheffield can sick them off. Fockng sad. These are the men from the 1940′s and 1950′s who have been excecuted by the new world order and have been locked up and painted with pitch black dye. In Sheffield they have them all locked away in underground facilities on the Parkway and Darnall and the Southwest centre in Sheffield. Also at the back of the Bowshaw Pub thats now Tobys Cavery. The other thing i heard was young underage girls are forced to go to these facilities and suck ther dicks off. Now these man are all in wheel chairs and unable to move. Just as a punishment for having there dicks sucked by these young girls. The skins on their heads are peeled back. And a wireless light implanted into their skulls as a punishment for receiving this blow job. And there you go thinking the world wasn’t focked up

    Would you like to hear something very strange but true. The women who work in underground facilities where these people are locked away like to suck their dicks to get the sperm out. No joking. These half Vietnamese midget women in these rubber suits. Have orgies with the men. They line the men up and suck them off. Up to thirty and forty at a time. Big Orgy parties are held in these facilities by the women. In Sheffield in the United Kingdom. On the parkway avenue. Big events are held where these midget women would suck these individuals off

    Its alright for these midget men to have sex with their own kind but no one else. Their focking selfish bastards. They fock their own kind from the age of 13 and 14.. And get married to them and all sorts. Secretly living in a focking fantasy world. In Sheffield young girls are married in secret by adult men. Dress them in these focking rubber suits and prosthetic limb and a focking prosthetic hand and preaching the focking law when their the ones whos breaking every known law on the planet and doing their focking stinking shit in secret. There allowed but no one else. If there cutting peoples head open and putting a wireless light. No need to tell you whos behind this shit. Its definitely not a focking plumber. Blaming others for their shit. fock off,

  • MIKE MYERS

    @ JENNY WONG

    YES. WITH THE POLE SHIFT AND PLANET X. ALL THESE CIA GUYS EUROPEAN UNION MILITARY PERSONNEL AND THE US ARMY AND MARINES ARE RUSHING TO BRAZIL AND THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES TO HOOK UP WITH YOUNG UNDER AGE GIRLS SO THEY CAN TAKE THEM BACK AS DEPENDENTS. THAT’S SO THEIR ALLOWED INTO THESE SAFE HAVEN SITES THEY BUILT UNDERGROUND. THAT’S THESE HALF VIETNAMESE MIDGET GIRLS. THEY HAVE SEX WITH THEM FROM THE AGE OF 13. SO THEY CAN HAVE THE SKINS ON THEIR HEADS PEELED BACK AND A 116 DEGREES PLASTIC CAP INSERTED. THATS THEIR FASHION STATEMENT BY THE WAY. FOCKING DISGUSTING.

  • Cocoroah erter

    These CIA guys have sites in the Brazilian capitol and in Rio. Where they perform special operations these so called black ops projects are training girls as young as 13 and 14 to be the wives of scientist and engineers the world over. Thats there black ops. They rotate them every 8 months or so. Send newer ones all the time. These girls by the way wear a prosthetic hand and foot. They train these children to walk in these rubber suits. That are by the way has the appearance of a women in her 50′s and 40′s.
    Thats so these engineers and scientist perform better in there jobs. Secretly knowing they actually got a 14 year old boy or girl as there wives. They know all about this by the way. Engineers, scientist, doctors, movie directors. You name it. This has been going on for the last 50 years or so.

  • Gaylord Heffer

    It’s all true. Basically no one knows about it. The CIA have been conducting these so called black projects. In many African states. They control entire towns and villages. Where they perform these so called black projects. In case you didn’t know. Many CEO’S and directors in many European states are by the way CIA. What these black projects do. Basically is what is says. Its black. The supply of very young girls and boys. Or what ever you fancy. Oh yeah they will slice you and dice you a fine look piece of ass for your future wive. What ever your heart desires. In case you didn’t know. All these young girls and boys that are sent off to there new CIA CEO directors are very young and underage and all are these new type with the Vietnamese eyes. With there prosthetic hands and feet. These CIA guys pretend and play psychological games with there new found 14 year old love. By the way these minors are replaced every 8 or so months by a rota system. As newer and more newer teen loves enter the system. Off course they all wear these prosthetic hands and feet with the rubber suits and all. The CIA is very disgusting they use these entire villages and towns in Africa and Brazil for their personal gain. No one benefits besides these guys. This has been going on for the last 50 of so years. Once your a director with the CIA and work as a CEO in one of there many positions which by the way comprise of very big fortune 500 companies the world over. They will make sure your never lonely. They will slice you and dice you that piece of teen pussy you’ve been craving. No strings and its always never legal.

  • frustratedbec

    Man im probably far too late to join the conversation but i googled this topic as last night i had a terrible experience where the guy i liked and finally got with after a few weeks of anticipation expected a bj within 15 minutes of the first kiss. i was truly shocked and dismayed and wondered whether im a prude. im 32 and he’s a couple of months younger than me. i usually have dated older guys and him younger girls so i definitely think it’s a generational thing or he’s a jerk. i am capable of orgasming 9 times in a row and after i’ve had a couple i probably would have just not first up! im sticking with older guys. dont get me started on seduction methods!