• Thu, May 5 2011

Threesomes Are The New Black

Recently, an article over at Maxim posited that many women are just as anxious to introduce a third, female partner to any sexual equation as their male counterparts.

As evidence, they offer testimony:

Anna, 23, knew she would have a threesome someday—she just didn’t know when. “I’m pretty experimental,” she says. “I wanted to fool around with another woman but didn’t know how to go about it. I thought having a guy there would make it easier, because it’d be like putting on a show rather than some intense lesbian experience.”

Putting on a show! Sounds like a way you could really let yourself go and experience the full release of your own orgasm, doesn’t it?

Then there’s this frisky lady:

Jean’s boyfriend who doubles his pleasure when they bring another girl into the bedroom. “I think it’s so hot when another girl and I go down on him at the same time,” she says. “He gets this crazed look in his eye—you can tell it turns him on more than anything else.”

So, there’s that. And, whatever, I get that it’s fun to act all sexy and play the part of the vixen, and that it can be a turn-on to turn your partner on. But my guess is that this article doth mislead the male reader a bit — contrary to MySpace profiles, not all women age 18-34 are bisexual.

My theory about this rush to have threesomes because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do because you’re sooo fucking experimental when it comes to sex (right, Anna, 23?), and very original and bold because of it, is as follows.

There are some people for whom swinging and multiple partners is a legitimate lifestyle choice. And there are also some people who really, genuinely want to give threesomes (or foursomes, or big old orgies) a try.

But those people aren’t everybody, and so for a lot of folks who feel the mounting pressure to just be cool, man, with having another person in their bed are more likely to wind up feeling something like this:

“The first time I heard my boyfriend tell another woman how hot she was—while having sex with her—I was pretty upset,” says Sonya, 25.

Really? Really, Sonya, 25? You were upset while watching your boyfriend fuck someone else and coo over her looks? That’s shocking.

Look. I’m all for experimentation. But there’s a problem when articles perpetuate the myth that all women are lesbians waiting to happen, not only because it gives men a false sense of what to expect, but because then women who blindly drink the kool-aid wind up sounding like confused, computer-programmed ‘bots who are more interested in looking hot while they have sex than in actually enjoying the sex they’re having.

Bogus.

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  • Christina

    I’d love to have a threesome – with two men. As a straight female I don’t see the appeal of “fooling around” with another woman or having one there when I’m having sex with a man.

  • Ashlee

    Experimentation is great, sure, whatever. However I do not understand how any woman can be okay with her husband being that into another girl! I mean, yeah, there are couples who live their lives that way. I just could never do it.

    • jack_sprat2

      I’ve read enough posts by people who’ve gotten into “the scene” to realize that there are three types of people there. Those to whom you refer, who thrive on it. Those who try it, say “meh”, and soon thereafter give it a pass. And those who try it and have their lives turn into a heap of rubble. Okay, the latter sub-divide into those who were headed there anyway and those who weren’t, but you get my drift.

      What I don’t get is why anybody who had something good going would take the risk. Foolishness. I suspect that most of the first kind probably bonded over their shared desire for pushing such boundaries. It makes it much easier to get access, if you’ve got a like-minded partner. Maybe it’s like being gay: the ones who will take to it like a duck to water have always known it.

  • Eileen

    I don’t think I’d want to have a threesome with a boyfriend and another woman, but I’d kind of enjoy being the third to a couple I really liked. I think (it’s never happened and probably won’t ever, but hey…)

  • http://bigapplepants.com sarahnoid

    If you’re half of the couple, it’s a great fantasy, poor reality (in most cases). If you’re gonna do it, I highly recommend being the third wheel. Then you can just bolt and not have to deal with all the relationship aftershocks.

    That said, I have some sort of sexual ADD or something. In my threesome (I was the third wheel), I kept getting all confused. Dick, pussy, totally different techniques for each. And they kept switching up. I do much better when the pink parts remain a constant variety.

  • Maris

    I am finally at a point in my life where I have an orgasm nearly every time I have sex. Maybe it has to do with the guy, maybe it has to do with being more secure in myself, I don’t know. Either way, I’m not sacrificing either of those things by adding another person to the equation.

    I would, however, hook up with a girl if given the chance. But something about fulfilling the whole threesome stereotype just to give my boyfriend what he (due to years of watching porn thinks he) wants really pisses me off.

    • jack_sprat2

      I was going to touch on that at the end of my post just above, but decided not to confuse my point. Now, I’m no feminist, but I can’t help feeling that a lot of you girls have backslid a little too far when it comes to sex. If I’d made “suggestions” back in the day, maybe one girl in ten wouldn’t have chucked my ass out into the street. Time to put back a little self-respect in the game. Letting yourself get walked on isn’t cool.

  • Jinx

    I actually would like to have a threesome with another woman but I have the same dilemma as Sonya, 25. I would be jealous/upset.

  • G

    Threesomes just aren’t my thing. Call me boring, old fashioned, whatever. I just don’t get off on the idea. The idea that somehow makes me repressed or not sexually advanced or liberated enough is just really confusing to me.

    • jack_sprat2

      Let me clear it up, if I may. It’s a campaign by bullies to dispose “new meat” to more or less grudgingly accede to their desires. Just as is the whole “you’ve gotta try lesbian sex” thing. It must be harder to bully men, because most of us would rather spend a couple of years with our right hands than “try” gay sex. Even those of us who don’t give a rat’s ass who the next fellow does.

  • Joe

    Having been in both the FMF and MFM situations, as a guy I enjoy the MFM thing more. It’s about her, which gets me going. That said, in situations where she wanted another woman there – it’s still about her.

    I guess the point is that everyone has to be involved somehow. Being a third (or fourth, fifth, etc) wheel is never fun.

    • jack_sprat2

      Yeah, the more that I read about sex clubs (for couples), the more that that seems like a major deal breaker for most people. I mean, women can be very selective and men aren’t. Not a problem, if you’re Brad Pitt or dig on cuckold anxiety, but that’s not most of us. What’s more, I do believe that Jeri Ryan’s reaction to her exposure to it is likely to be that of most women.

      Women have to be comfortable to enjoy sex. Now, if they’re very sub or dom, then that’s likely not a problem nearly so often. Otherwise, I suspect that a habit of deliberate overindulgence in mind-altering substances would usually be an element.