• Fri, May 6 2011

Real Talk: Do Women Expect Men To Go Down On Them?

Earlier this week, spurred on by Jay McInerney’s wild youth which seemingly involved very few blowjobs, we asked men if they expect women to go down on them. Today, we asked women if they expected men to go down on them. As you read the following answers, I’d like you to keep in mind that almost every man expected women to go down on him.

I’m going to say that again: nearly every man of our generation that we polled expects a woman he is dating to go down on him.

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  • andrea dunlop

    Wow. This was depressing. It makes me think a lot of men out there are doing it wrong.

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    • Mike Anderson

      They probably are. Kudos to #5 though, I think if they don’t do it, send them back/away.

  • http://bigapplepants.com sarahnoid

    A *glass* of champagne? Honey, you need better negotiating skills. Opt for a BOTTLE.

  • sarahk

    I have to admit, I’ve never understood how a woman can’t think it feels good? My assumption is they’re paranoid about the guy thinking it’s gross and can’t get into it. I will admit, if the sex is fairly certain to happen, I will duck to the loo for a bit of a freshening up. But yeah, get down there dude. Get down there yesterday.

    • Dove

      SERIOUSLY.

      Having it done badly sucks, but a lot of guys want to and you just need to be really clear about what you like.

      Not to mention, they should be eager to do it out of principle, and you should expect it because of the same.

  • matbo

    I think going down on a woman is more complicated than on men. Firstly I had to learn to accept that my boyfriend wanted to, second I had to get used to some very intense stimulation, sometimes too intense. My boyfriend has been trying for six months to learn, sometimes it’s amazing-knock-me-out-of-the-park-awesome, sometimes it’s boring, too intense or some third weird thing…It takes time to learn, but I think it’ll be worth it if we ever get it right!

    Also I liked the comment about how “expect” is a horrible word. You may hope, enjoy or prefer, but don’t expect.

  • Rachel Rabbit White

    I remember back in junior high, a guy going down on a girl was considered gross. But, a blowjob was not icky. I am wondering if there is a self reporting bias here leftover from that state of mind. Because, seriously? While I don’t need oral sex I of course expect to have it at some point in any relationship. These responses strike me as super strange.

  • Eileen

    I don’t necessarily expect it to happen, mainly because often I’ll say no (a lot of men aren’t very good at it and/or I feel like receiving oral sex is more personal than just having sex), but yeah, I expect men to offer. Not because I think they should have to; just because almost every man I’ve ever slept with has offered (or just gone ahead and done it).

  • Odbery

    Wow, it sounds like a lot of men need practice :/

  • jjbs

    I’ve had two different men brag to me that they spent two hours orally pleasuring a woman to which I’ve called total BS. If you’re down there for two hours without results or a kick in the head, I sincerely believe the woman is either completely numb or asleep because you’ve been pleasuring her inner thigh… Of course, I only have anecdotal evidence to back this up as I’ve never had an experience last that excruciatingly long.

    That being said, this has convinced me that quite a few men may have a bit of trouble with oral sex and/or communication issues with their partners and just may be plain old afraid to try it.

    • f_soler

      Two hours may be a bit much, but I hope an hour isn’t out of the question. For a guy, once we’re going — with apologies to Nick Hornby — we pretty much know what’s coming. One of the beauties, the mysteries perhaps, of the female orgasm is that it can be more than a straight line. One induces peaks and valleys, twists and turns, a symphony of sensation, exotic, familiar.

    • This Guy Luvs to Lick Clit

      I love to lick your clit and all the area around it. I love to watch as your body starts to loose control and I don’t let you finish. I love to hear you wimper and ask me to do more of this or more of that. I love to hear you cry out to just “suck it”. I don’t care if your shaved, trimmed, or hairy. In the end your reaction will be the same as the last woman I did this too.

      How long will it take? It depends on you and if you are still enjoying it after 15 minutes, or 30 minutes or longer. Some women just enjoy getting lost in the feeling and don’t want it to end. Others can only go so long, before its no longer sexy and is becoming work.

      I find the only women that don’t want me down there are the ones who have never had anyone go there. They may think it is gross or …. But once they have felt a tougne wiggling around, pushing inside them and a mouth sucking and biting all around, they want it more.

      2 hours…?? Na even I might get bored at that point.

  • Hmmm

    This made me sad… so many women out there are so self-conscious about things that guys usually don’t care about, or have had bad experiences. Self-consciousness shouldn’t stop you from doing things that make you feel good.

  • Meredith Brooks

    This is the saddest thing in the world. Oral sex should not be taboo anymore. Clitoral stimulation is designed to feel good- how can any woman without any hangups about her body NOT like it? And since this is the lowest thing you can possibly ask your sexual partner (it’s not like you’re asking him to take a dump in your mouth for Christ’s sake!), it should be expected. And if you don’t want to do it, that’s cool. I just hope you’re okay with me getting orally pleasured elsewhere!

    I extend the same sentiment to them. If I don’t want to have anal sex, I don’t HAVE to do it (although I totally would). But I would be a crappy girlfriend if I denied them this small little life pleasure somewhere else.

  • Renae

    *thinks about it* I’ve only had sex with 4 guys, and I’m pretty sure only two of them went down on me. With the first one I didn’t really care for it, but the second was pretty well tapped into my desires and could actually read my reactions. Like my legs twitching was good. Plus he took instructions well (military men, yum). If I said “bite me” He would do it. (btw, being bit feels amazing)

  • Alex

    I agree with daisy. I’m kind of convinced that guys think you’re disgusting if you’re not freshly Brazilian waxed and douched.

    • Shanna

      I used to think that too, but in my experience a lot of guys really don’t care that much. Sometimes I push my boyfriend away when he tries to go down on me when I’m not freshly shaved, but he begs me to let him do it. He says it makes no difference to him whether or not a girl is perfectly shaved or waxed. Then again he also begs me to let him go down on me when I have my period, so… he may be in the minority haha.

  • MNiM

    I think expect is probably an inadvertently loaded term. There’s a way of expecting that’s entitled, and a way that’s just “well, that’s generally what happens”.

    So, in the sense of “well, that’s generally what happens”, yes, I would “expect” sexual partners of either/any gender to be willing to both give and receive oral sex. But I wouldn’t expect it in a sense that doesn’t allow for the possibility that someone might be really uncomfortable with the idea, for whatever reason.

    Whether or not that’s a problem is really down to the couple, and their specific needs and qualities.

  • Jamie

    This is such a bummer. You girls need to more comfortable with your bodies! It’s sort of astonishing to me that this is still even a question. I’m gonna give these girls the benefit of the doubt and assume most of them are really young.

  • Laura

    Include me in the “this bummed me out” camp. It’s something I enjoy, and I “expect” to be with someone who will want to get me off, so there you go. The only guy I’ve ever been with who didn’t jump right down there and make it happen (even though I had given him severals BJs) turned out to be a withholding creep in life as well. A good, confident dude who is worthy of your time and attention is just psyched to have access to your goods, perfectly manicured or no.

  • ashmoth

    The only part that is sad is if people with greatly different expectations and sexual needs try to change each other. If you want it down and dirty, sweaty and hairy, 6 times a day – great! If you need to make an appointment in a planner and get the ‘sex sheets’ out – great too! Just make sure you are with the right person, because feeling bad about wanting or not wanting something sexual is going to kill your relationship

  • Venus in Furs

    Wow, when I was young & single, whether or not a fella would go down was a make it or break it issue for me. Seriously. Now that I’m older & married, reading this article makes me realize (once again) how lucky I am to have married the man I did! I can’t believe so many women supposedly don’t want it, don’t care if they get it, or don’t have men who are willing to do it.

  • Dah

    If any women would not go down on an other women because she thinks it is gross, then why would she expect any man to go down on her.

    • Jamie

      I don’t abstain from going down on other women because I think it’s “gross,” but because I’m not sexually attracted to them. Cock and balls don’t exactly taste like candy and chocolate, but I put my mouth on them because it’s hot in the context of getting down with a hot dude I am into, who is also into me. Call it ‘willing suspension of belief genitals are gross’ or something.

  • Hm…

    @Dah: If any man would not go down on another man because he thinks it is gross, then why would he expect any woman to go down on him?

    You have the logic of a virgin, or a teenager.

  • Dan A Man

    The gay brothers and men in celibate religious orders excepted, the man who won’t suck off (or at least suck on) the woman in his life _isn’t a man_. It’s the manly and the gentlemanly thing to do, and can be great tasty fun as well. I don’t know why any self-respecting heterosexual woman would waste time with a useless-mouthed excuse for a man.

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  • This Guy Luvs to Lick Clit

    I love to lick your clit and all the area around it. I love to watch as your body starts to loose control and I don’t let you finish. I love to hear you wimper and ask me to do more of this or more of that. I love to hear you cry out to just “suck it”. I don’t care if your shaved, trimmed, or hairy. In the end your reaction will be the same as the last woman I did this too.

    How long will it take? It depends on you and if you are still enjoying it after 15 minutes, or 30 minutes or longer. Some women just enjoy getting lost in the feeling and don’t want it to end. Others can only go so long, before its no longer sexy and is becoming work.

    I find the only women that don’t want me down there are the ones who have never had anyone go there. They may think it is gross or …. But once they have felt a tougne wiggling around, pushing inside them and a mouth sucking and biting all around, they want it more.

    • asian-melbourne

      i want a guy like you !! wish my husband thought the same :(

  • Shy

    Oh my

  • Young

    This is so interesting. I’m not sure if I’m even qualified to post anything, but
    2 of my best friends started having sex when we were in high school and are still sexually active (I don’t think less of the for that) . I , as embarrassing as this sounds, have not had sex yet. They were so ashamed of being virgins by senior year they did it as soon as they ‘found’ a boyfriend. I was having too much fun in high-school just hanging out with friends and doing things to worry about that sort of thing. I didn’t think twice about it at the time. (We’re all 19 now) In high school I would have thought 19 was too young to have sex, now after reading/watching/hearing things being said through media, my old high school/ my current college, I’m afraid I might be too old to still be a virgin in my generation.

    Sorry to get off topic,

    My 2 best friends being my best friend and all , tell me about their experiences. 1 likes to give and receive, where as the other refuses to give and likes to receive. I don’t judge them for their choices.

    The one that gives and receives says she doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to and doesn’t give to get back, but rather because she wants to and knows they want her to. She said it would be nice to have the favor returned but won’t force them if their genuinely not comfortable with it. She said theres no bigger turn off then begging someone to go in between your legs who clearly expresses they don’t want to. When they do it’s only begrudgingly because you pestered them. Thats what she said. She always came across to me as worrying about the pleasure of her partner and doesn’t really have complaints.

    The other one however.

    Says that she refuses to ever go down on a man and that she finds it gross (again, I don’t judge her) In all her experiences she told me about, it just came across to me that the whole experience was about her comfortability and what her happy. She says that tells her boyfriend he doesn’t have to go down on her, but claims they just want her to be comfortable and do what feels good for her. She never really goes into much detail what she does for them. She also never has complaints.

    For me personally, perhaps it’s because I’ve never been on the receiving end of that sort of affection, am interested to hear other peoples experiences , but am a bit terrified of the experience it’s self.
    I always wanted to wait until I was married (not because of religious choice, just personal) But now seeing how high sexual expectations and demands are being a relationship before and after marriage, I don’t think marriage is really an option for me anymore. Please don’t think I’m trying to sound snoody, I don’t think I have a lot of those things to offer.

    But if I were lucky enough to find someone who would settle for me, I would be very happy to give what I did have to offer, but I don’t think I would really ‘expect’ but rather be grateful for what I did receive.

    As far as ‘going down’ I would be willing to learn how, but terrified to receive. I no I can’t speak unless I’ve done it, but I would feel a bit selfish to ask for such thing (that’s just me though) I think making them happy would make me happy. It’s usually like that with other things. And I don’t think I would be sacrificing much but not asking for it if I’m genuinely not comfortable with it.
    (but again, that’s just me)

  • Dereck

    My wife use to let me go donw on her all of the time and loved it. I would do it for hours and I loved it. It has been over two years since she has and I have to beg her and she still turns me down. I guess this marriage is over?

  • collin francis

    In my book (unedited), “100 Men can’t be wrong”. I wrote: “It can
    be a frustrating experience for her when she wants him go down and he doesn’t,
    so a woman must learn how to trick him to think that what she got there is
    candy and he can have it all every time. Every guy wants to go down south on a
    lady’s rose garden but the horror of past experiences that permeate his mind
    now stands in his way, he pledged to himself never again, will I go down there.
    It’s a woman job to change the bad experiences that he had. First ask him; do not
    belittle him or act like he is scorning you.”