• Mon, May 9 2011

Orlando Bloom, Vampires And Fanfiction As The Ultimate Lust Object

In a new book, researchers Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam discuss the differences between men’s brains and women’s brains when it comes to sex and porn. Men, they argue, can be turned on just by looking at someone or something. Women, on the other hand, are more complex and need to feel desired, as well as to feel that their partner is worth their time.

Very original, I know. Besides, I’m always a little skeptical when I read anything that purports to talk about “what men want” vs. “what women want” — as we’ve found with our own informal polls, there is no one thing that all men or all women want.

That said, I am willing to buy that men’s brains and women’s brains are wired somewhat differently, with the caveat that within those differently wired brains there lies a broad and divergent divergent range of interests and fetishes and likes and dislikes.

Anyway, what was fun about this particular article was when the authors use a real Google search to illustrate the differences between men and women. Behold:

MAN: college cheerleaders; cheerleaders in Hawaii; pics of bikinis and girls; pretty girls in bikinis; girls suntanning in bikinis; college cheerleader pics in bikinis; noooooooo; christian advice on lust

WOMAN: orlando bloom as vampire fanfiction; 321 sex chat; kingdom of heaven fanfiction; cinderella wedding dresses; gossip on orlando bloom; legolas erotica; legolas heterosexual erotica; evil orlando bloom dark fanfiction

If that isn’t amazeballs, nothing is. The man apparently works himself up to such a lustful frenzy that he eventually shames himself, forcing him to scream “nooooo!” and then turn, in a moment of panic, to religious consolation for his digressions. The woman, on the other hand, is calm, clear, orderly; she will have Orlando Bloom, and she will have him as an evil dark erotic vampire. And she will be wearing a wedding dress while they fuck. My hat’s off to her.(And, I might add, this does not exactly support the theory that women don’t have fetishes).

Anyway, do you have such specific sexual desires? And in addition to that, how do you feel about get down with Legolas? (I feel good about it, for the record.)

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  • Eileen

    1) Desires: Sure. I know what I like, and if I’m going to spend time looking for sex on the internet, I want it to be something I’m actually into rather than something meh. I also think that, generally speaking, there is a lot more sex online that may be unappealing to women because it’s clearly geared toward men – so specificity helps a girl avoid that stuff.

    2) Orlando Bloom as sexy vampire: I’m all about the Orlando Bloom, but I find vampire sex to be really disturbing. I’ve never thought vampires were sexy and am a little alarmed by how many women seem to think there’s something erotic about a man who can’t decide if he wants to sex with her or kill her.

  • porkchop

    Fanfiction! What a cold shower that must be. Now we know neither man nor woman is turned on by ideas.

  • Shae

    And here I was thinking I was the only one turned on by vampire Orlando Bloom. It’s good to know that I’m not alone.

  • Gilda

    So where does one find this Orlando Bloom as vampire fanfiction? Seriously, I NEED to know.