Remember when we told you that Justin Bieber was launching a women’s fragrance, and you were all like, LOL WUT? Well, now there’s a television commercial for said fragrance, and it’s every bit as creepy as you’d expect a sexy perfume ad featuring an underage boy to be. In said ad, a wistful young girl sprays the perfume on herself a few times and the seventeen-year-old pop star appears, Beetlejuice style, to nuzzle her neck and give her piggyback rides in the sky. The stuff is called “Someday,” as in, “buy all my products and maybe someday I’ll come rescue you from the horrible Hell place that is middle school.”
I mean, let’s not get it twisted. There are only two acceptable parts for Justin Bieber to play in a perfume commercial, and those are an androgynous lady-boy (“Look! This unisex perfume works on both you, a girl, and me, an androgynous lady boy!”) and a goddamn cherub. Or maybe the son of the lady who is receiving the perfume as a gift from her husband, Justin Bieber’s dad, on Christmas morning. I’m all about having inappropriate fantasies about willowy androgynes, but I feel like I’m about to go to jail just for watching this. Or maybe I’m just a big prude for suggesting kids should wait until they’re 18 and/or sprout a few chest hairs to become huge sex symbols. What do you think?