• Wed, May 25 2011

Outer Beauty: I’m A Man And I Love My Big Calves

I have big calves. Really big, like Popeye-doing-a-handstand big. I’m a slim guy, average height, but oddly heavy, and like a quarter of it is calf meat. They’re the only part of my slight frame that looks like a bodybuilder, so I love them. I sit around flexing and un-flexing them, watching the little cannonball form under my skin. I’m not sure where they come from, but my family is Sicilian, so I like to imagine my ancestors gamboling about on rocky, seaside cliffs like happy goats. God knows my legs are hairy enough.

My calves saved me a lot of grief as a kid. We moved to a new town right before I started high school, and the “making new friends in the neighborhood” process was tough for the bowl-cut-sporting, wire-frames-wearing, Science-Olympiad-competing me of yesteryear. Pickup sports were the usual venue, but I suck hopelessly at anything with throwing, catching, or hitting in it. But my calves won me accolades in neighborhood football, where I could run with the ball and, if tackled, simply carry my new friends across the goal line.

They got me respect from my peers. Once in physics class, we had a competition to see who could generate the most power, based on body weight and the speed with which one could scale the science hall stairway. My nerdy self came in second, after a hulking linebacker type whose ability to move his sheer mass up the steps at any speed at all guaranteed his victory.

I used to do a lot of musicals. I can sing a bit, but I don’t dance, beyond a year of ballet I had to take as a little kid in order to be allowed in the tap dance class (both of which I promptly dropped out of). But I always got parts in the dancing shows – I did A Chorus Line twice! – for which I thank my calves. Slap a pair of tights over their fibrous bulk, and people can’t imagine I’m *not* a dancer.

Now that I’m older, and I’ve gotten into the habit of working out, they keep my self-esteem up at the gym. I’ve always had trouble keeping muscle on my flat chest and noodly arms. When I feel myself straining feebly against the bench bar and staring with open envy at the bulging juicehead gorillas, I can always pop over to the calf raise machine, grind out a few sets, and remind myself that there’s not enough weight on the device to keep my calves down. If I use heavy enough free weights to give them a workout, the bar leaves ugly purple bruises on my shoulders. My body simply can’t handle the kind of punishment my calves can take.

My calves don’t do everything. They don’t wear cowboy boots – the top part won’t go all the way on. They don’t jump; they have too much trouble pushing their own massive weight off the ground. They don’t like to jog, even though I do. If I up my weekly mileage, I can feel them groan with the effort. They get sorer and sorer for longer and longer, until the breaking point comes and they grudgingly slough off a half-inch or so. As soon as I take, say, a week off, it’s BLOOP! Back out to their normal expansive girth.

I can’t stay mad at my calves, though. They let me lift things and push things that should be way too heavy. They remind me what my muscles look like, even when I feel like the rest of me is getting flabby and soft. They’re the opposite of my Achilles heel.

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  • Eileen

    I kind of love you for this.

    • Eileen

      Or at least your calves.

  • jenergy

    BLOOP! made me giggle. ;o)

  • Fishy

    I think calves are the sexiest body part on a man… Muscular calves on a man turn me on faster than anything in the world. Ahh you’re so lucky!

  • macalny

    Without even seeing you I have a little crush. I LOVE leg muscles – the more, the better. Legs that have no muscle/shape make me gag a little and then feel sad for that person. I know it’s no one’s fault, but growing up in my family of big-legged people (I’m also partly Sicilian – is this a Mediterranean trait I didn’t know about?) I think I’m just inherently biased toward the full-calved. I LOVE that my calves don’t allow me to wear the tall Hunter rain boots – they’re too shapely and I wouldn’t trade them for all the tea in China. Go you and your awesome legs!!

  • macalny

    Word.

  • Michael Tomazic

    I can relate to this story as I have a similar build. I am short and lightweight, but always had oversized calves. When I first entered college I never knew my calves were above average. Looking back at it now, I was 5’7″ 130 pounds with 80 pound calves. Hehe. I only had 10″ arms, but I already had 14″ calves. Starting to work out in the college basic gym, I worked the entire body, but it was my calves that took off. In only two months they grew almost four inches. They were 17.75” along with my 10” arms. Wow, what a site. My gym mates; class mates; roommates all had similar comments. Such as, “…too big; legs too big…” or “…dude, that’s out of control. What did you do to yourself?” or asking me to place something on a high shelf thus forcing me to stand on my calves so they would bulge. Those words gave me more motivation to work my calves and make them bigger. I also love calves. They are only 16.5” now. Ashamed they lost size over the years, but maybe if I put my mind to it, I just might get them that size again…hopefully, bigger.

  • Evan

    Hello Nick,
    I admire muscular calves of men very much.By your description I can imagine
    that your calves are in excellent shape.
    I try to work out my calves hard, even I don’t have the genetics.
    I collect pictures, so it would be nice if you send me some pics of your calves.
    My email is evanmsl@yahoo.com
    Keep pumped.

  • Tigerman1947

    My legs have always been big got ‘em from my mother but the long legs I got from my father but he had skinny legs…… When I work ‘em hard they swell to 19.5 inches otherwise resting they’re around 18.5 inches. I was a sprinter back in the day in high school.

  • Ric Douglass

    so envious of guys with big thick calves.