• Wed, May 25 2011

Outer Beauty: My Size Shouldn’t Determine Who I Date

Mopeds are fun recreational vehicles that serve as an alternative to, say, riding a scooter for transportation. However, while they’re a lot of fun, they might look a bit silly if you ride around in public for everyone to see. And, according to society, that’s me. A moped. Due to my figure I’ve been dubbed great to ride, but you don’t want your buddies to see me. And that’s not okay with me.

I was born with type 1 diabetes and have subsequently been a steady 200 pounds my entire life. Do I have some body issues? Of course. Everyone does. I’d be lying to tell you I’m not a little self conscious about my ass dimples or breasts that gently sag. But hey, it is the way it is. At the end of the day I really do love me in all my rounded glory. So why exactly are men not encouraged to?

Please tell me, TV – why am I, a gorgeous size 18, not portrayed as dating or even marrying a handsome white man? Why are women my size pigeon holed into dating fellow larger men or black men? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with either of those options, but god damn it I have fucked some gorgeous well built males and they have not been ashamed or intoxicated while fucking me. I haven’t had to scatter out of their apartments the morning after. I am not a moped. I am a motorcycle. I’m fun to ride- and, fuck- cool as hell for your buddies to see! So why does TV tell me and treat my sized women differently?

I’m talking to you, The Bachelorette. Do you guys really think all the attractive single women are a size 4? I call bullshit! Fuck, put me on that show! I promise I don’t scare men off. Don’t give fat folks and portly pals their own show (I’m eyeing you More to Love ) because- NEWSFLASH- we’re allowed to date outside our own kind! I know! Shocker!

And seriously, Mike and Molly? Molly doesn’t have to be with Mike, for God’s sakes put that big-assed beauty with a hunk! Fuck it, put Mike with a hottie too. I promise you people won’t flip a shit. I mean look at Glee, the lovely bigger gal has got the hottest guy on the show wrapped around her finger. Unless they dropped that plotline… can’t really say I follow glee.

Don’t think I forgot the “black-men-love-big-women” stereotype. Let me start off first by saying that I see nothing wrong with white women dating black men. But I don’t think it’s fair for a heavier white woman to feel like those are all her options, because that’s simply false.

I can’t tell you how many self conscious chubby 16 year old girls I’ve met who insist that they “only date black guys.” And, hell, if that really is your personal taste, I can only say, “go for it.” But that isn’t why those girls say it. Those girls say it to reject attractive white men before those men reject them. That’s heartbreaking and not to mention racist. Yeah, it’s actually pretty damn racist to assume every black man will date a size 18. Point being? This is such a terrible stereotype that television and the media needs to retire.

Hot men are capable of loving them some big booties, boobies, and bodies. Have you ever seen Pierce Brosnan’s wife? She’s no tooth-pick. So please, everyone, stop cradling the idea that the big girl will always be in the background dating the black guy or chubby guy or no one. Because we can date whoever the hell we want. And we will not be their mopeds.

Share This Post:
  • jenergy

    Love. This.

    • Debbie

      ME TOO!!

  • Katie

    Glee now has two couples! I agree so much!

  • Allison

    Bahahaha archer reference!

  • Virginia

    I loved this article! Fabulous points all around. The one thing I’d like to draw issue with is the beginning statement “I was born with type 1 diabetes and have subsequently been a steady 200 pounds my entire life.” Yes, having Type I diabetes does make it harder to lose weight but it’s not an if-then statement of “If I have Type I, then I have to weigh 200 lbs”.

    There are a lot of stereotypes and miscommunication out there about weight and diabetes (mostly Type 2 though). I’ve had Type 1 myself for 15 years and have had weight issues but have found that by using an insulin pump, controlling my weight is easier. I think it’s a myth that we sometimes tell ourselves that because we have Type I, we’ll always stay big. It’s just not true. It might take more work, but it is possible. I’m not saying I want to weigh 100lbs or even 140lbs, I just want to be as healthy as possible.

    Thanks for the article!

    • Taylor

      You’re entirely right, I have type 1 and am allergic to insulin so my weight has fluctuated my entire life. But it’s not a catch all reason to be overweight. I was just explaining a big thing with little words.

  • Kimberly

    I’m a skinny bitch and this article still made me happy. Loving outer beauty week!

  • Katie

    I agree that we need different types of couples on television, but when it comes to real life, people are often together because they have the same goals and values. Thus, it makes sense why someone who spends tons of time sculpting their body would not go for someone who puts less emphasis on that.

    I’m not tiny and give myself a hard time about it, but I don’t care enough to put lots of effort into it. Because of that, I’m more likely to go for someone who also is a bit of a slacker when it comes to exercise. We are drawn to people who are like ourselves; there have even been studies done that suggest married couples with the same level of attractiveness stay together longer. That may be because of many different reasons (outside pressures, insecurity, etc.), but it’s probably mostly about shared values. Attractiveness is also a label that can be argued with, but I’m sure you get what I’m saying.

  • Sabrina

    Wow girl, you took the words out of my mouth!!! I’ve been dealing with this issue lately and it makes me ANGRY…I’m overweight, but I’m sexy and attractive, yet all that men want from me is sex. Even when I flat-out say that’s NOT what I want…I still don’t get asked out on real dates or taken out ‘in public’. It’s bullshit!!!!

  • sharon

    I get it, and I want so badly to jump in with a whole hearted amen. But oh, I have some reservations about this article. Using words like “hottie” and “gorgeous” as synonymous with skinny may be unintentional, but its a big mistake, and glaring reference to the authors admitted body issues.

    I applaud the intent here, and certainly see the value in this message beyond a few unconscious slips ups. Still, I cant help wondering exactly who the writer is really trying to convince.

    “Molly doesn’t have to be with Mike, for God’s sakes put that big-assed beauty with a hunk! Fuck it, put Mike with a hottie too.”

    So presumably based on body size alone Mike is NOT a hunk, and Molly is NOT a hottie? This statement alone seems to invalidate the whole message of a very brave and poignant piece.

    • Christiana Gilchrist

      I definitely agree with this point, i noticed it too and was like “say what?” but i dont think the authors intent was to suggest that either of them arent hot, but perhaps more hot in social standards. but it just illustrates that even those against stereotypes adhere to them inadvertently. still loved this. :)

  • Leah

    Whoever wrote this is probably one really cool badass mamma! I agree wit her!

  • Sarah

    Amen! I am a sexy size 18 too and I’m tired of comments made about how my man and I look like the number 10 because he is thin and I’m rounder. It hurts and shouldn’t matter. He loves all my curves and I am tired of being judged and made fun of because my husband is thin and I am not.

  • Veronica

    I think the real issue here has to come down to health. It is not healthy to be overweight. Period. You can not argue this point with any doctor, no matter where they obtained their medical degree. And it is downright deadly to be obese. There is a difference between self-acceptance/not starving yourself to fit into the size 2 “model” shape, and then allowing yourself to live an extremely unhealthy, and ultimately shortened, life because you have a tendency to be overweight. This post is written by someone who has struggled with their weight for their ENTIRE life, so don’t think I’m some skinny judging – but some people in America are too quick to jump into the “it’s ok to be overweight b/c that’s just how I am and will always be”.

    • Kat

      But the message we are given is not “Be healthy!” The message is “You are ugly and undeserving of having a romantic relationship with people who don’t look like you.” We need to shift our ideal of beauty to health over thinness to encourage the overweight and underweight to focus on health over pants size.

      Health isn’t the only issue, as self-esteem often plays a role in eating habits. I too have struggled with my weight, and my most unhealthy moments were also my moments where my self-esteem was zip. If you hate yourself, you probably won’t care enough to care for yourself.

  • Diana

    Kudos! To Veronica, why is it that every time someone “bigger” puts out an article (or what not) accepting their body the way it is, someone comes along & wants to mention health? I’ll be the one to say…being skinny does not make one instantly healthy! I wish people could see past that theory enough to realize that health issues aren’t geared only towards the size of someone’s body.

  • Piper

    I wish the fat black girl on “Glee” had a partner. I wish I had one too! As a size 24 woman, I’m tired of not being in a relationship. It seems that all men want from me is sex. This article reinforces what I believe to be true: that men will date a fat, white woman but not a fat, black woman. This has got to change!

    • Daljinder

      I haven’t seen the latest Glee yet but apparently she does get a boyfriend! And guess what? He’s slim, white and gorgeous! In my opinion anyway…