I was waiting in line for the bathroom at the Rose Bar this weekend and I realized that I had been waiting 20 minutes. At first I thought “wow, people here are really bad at peeing.” But then I noticed that pairs of girls were coming out of the restrooms sniffling and wiping their noses. “Oh!” I realized, “they all have summer colds and are helping their friends! What a world of decency we live in!”
“No, Jen,” someone explained, “they are doing tons of coke.”
Ladies, I regret to inform you that you are doing your cocaine inefficiently. Despite not doing coke, I know this, because I spent a significant amount of time in that line trying to devise ways for you to do it faster and better. Here’s the advice Emily Post won’t share with you, because she is too busy snorting all the yeyo.