Ladies! How To Do Your Cocaine More Efficiently.

I was waiting in line for the bathroom at the Rose Bar this weekend and I realized that I had been waiting 20 minutes. At first I thought “wow, people here are really bad at peeing.” But then I noticed that pairs of girls were coming out of the restrooms sniffling and wiping their noses. “Oh!” I realized, “they all have summer colds and are helping their friends! What a world of decency we live in!”

“No, Jen,” someone explained, “they are doing tons of coke.”

Ladies, I regret to inform you that you are doing your cocaine inefficiently. Despite not doing coke, I know this, because I spent a significant amount of time in that line trying to devise ways for you to do it faster and better. Here’s the advice Emily Post won’t share with you, because she is too busy snorting all the yeyo.

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    • August S.

      I sympathize deeply with your Rose-bar situation. Once at a party I asked the host to show me to the powder-room (I said powder-room instead of bathroom because I’m a socialite from 1910? I don’t know, I was drunk.)

      I was led to a bedroom full of 8 or so people doing lines off a girl who I’m only semi-certain was a hooker but was definably naked. Lucky one of the skiers knew where the toilet was, but it was crazy awkward and that’s why I’ve never used the term power-room again (so positive outcome!).

      • Jennifer Wright

        August, Ashley reads your comments and is certain that you are some sort of alter-personality that I’ve made up to just insert funny lines that I can’t use in the actual article.

        So, you’ll never be people, but that story was amazing.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      I love Kate’s “I’m not even thinking about apartheid!” expression.

    • Scott Lee

      Ladies, please take note; remember in not out.

    • Bee

      Please write a book. Oh please pleasepleaseplease write a book.

    • August S.

      Don’t be silly Jen. You’re the alter! I’m the original. Right? …right?

      Oh dear.

    • Jamie Peck

      I would also suggest that you multitask and do key bumps while you pee/poop. That way, you’re using your bathroom time more efficiently, and you’re already on the toilet in case it gives you the shits!