• Tue, Jun 14 2011

This Just In: Cab Drivers Have Eyes, Ears, Cell Phones

Are you one of those jerks who gets off on traumatizing people in the service industry with your intensely inappropriate personal shit? Or perhaps you forget they are even there and get it on in the backs of cabs like there’s not a living, driving, gagging human being just a few feet away from you? I’m not going to judge you if you are (j/k, I will totally judge you), but before you take another drunken late night ride, there’s something you should know:

Most taxi drivers are men. Some men are pervs. Therefore, some taxi drivers are pervs.

I know this truth should be self-evident, but enough people either don’t know or don’t care about this that at least one NYC cabbie has amassed a small collection of cell phone porn depicting passengers treating his cab like their own personal blowjob-mobile. I’m guessing he’s not the only one, either. A new genre of porn is born!

How is this possible, you ask? See, despite being, like, totally poor, many cab drivers are in possession of smart phones, rendering you but a few clicks away from being jerked off to and/or humiliated on the Internet for all eternity. Whether it’s out of creepiness, vindictiveness, or sheer boredom, at least a few drivers are documenting what goes on in their cabs.

Luckily, there’s a simple way to avoid having your privacy invaded thusly: Get. A. Room. And on the odd occasion that you should forget your manners, give the driver a nice, big tip. (Heh.) That is, unless you want to appear on the inevitably forthcoming NaughtyTaxiPassengers.tumblr.com. Then by all means, proceed accordingly.

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