Your hand washables just got a lot more exciting. In what is probably by far the craziest thing the nice people at Woolite have ever done in their lives, the gentle detergent brand has tapped metal musician/horror filmmaker Rob Zombie to direct a series of commercials bearing the tagline “don’t let detergents torture your clothes.”
In keeping with Zombie’s backwoods torture-porn style, a creepy Leatherface-type character is seen dragging a bag of clothes home to the backyard of his filthy shack before putting them through all sorts of ordeals. The relatively mundane terms “stretch,” “shrink,” and “fade” take on new meaning in the hands of Mr. Zombie. You just don’t do that to nice fabrics.
For his part, Rob Zombie insists the ads are not that scary, referencing Tim Burton when talking to the New York Times about them. He compares the clothes-torturer to The Adams’ Family’s Uncle Fester, saying he’s “not like some child killer out in the woods.”
Whatever, Rob! I, for one, am terrified to even look at my clothes the wrong way after watching this commercial, and it’s only the first one. These ads will inevitably create a whole generation of children who are deeply petrified of using anything but Woolite to wash their clothes. In other words: mission accomplished.