Real Talk: Men Explain What Makes A Woman A Slut

We’ve been talking about the phrase “slut” a lot lately. For instance, when is it okay to call a woman a slut? And tween sex scandals – women being slutty all the time in their two-pieces! We haven’t really believed women are sluts since we were in 7th grade. But we tried to see what some reasonably well educated, seemingly progressive men thought of as “slutty behavior.” I’ve chosen to use pictures of J Crew models to help illustrate their comments, because that is obviously a brand for harlots. I’d say hold onto your hat, but you probably just left it at some strangers house last night, you hat leaving tramp.

*Disclaimer: no, seriously, we do not think of women as sluts. But we think it’s interesting to see what other (male) people think. On one hand, this is hilarious, on the other, kind of horrifying in this day and age, right?

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Eileen

I would agree with the professor, but I’m kind of morally opposed to the unnecessary use of Latin in a blog post (not as bad as misspelled unnecessary Latin, but still). Unless he’s a professor of classics. Then I understand that he can’t help himself.
- Jennifer Wright
  
  (He might be a classics professor but I am not at liberty to say).
- Diana
  
  No offence, but a priori is also used in Maths. And he might just be used to that way of speaking because of the environment he’s in. To be honest it’s refreshing to read something else other than ‘OMG! This is like so cool!’ (general internet talk, not referring to the Gloss website, you’re always a pleasure to read)
A

Private Equity Guy’s rule is interesting, if completely arbitrary and imagined. “Basically, if you want to avoid being called a slut, don’t have sex with more than two or three people a year and you’ll be fine.”
Aww man, I slept with five guys in ’04, what a slutty year…I guess.
Men who say they would never marry someone who slept with them on the first date confuse me. Maybe I’m horny and we just met, so yeah, I’m going home with you. But maybe I also had a great time on our date and dig your personality. Apparently I no longer have a future with you if I put out…hmm.
- Somnilee
  
  This confused me also: “So, I’ve had two failed relationships this year….guess I should avoid men until we hit ’12, wouldn’t want anyone thinking I was a slut…”
- TRCIII
  
  We actually heard these words (not the “s” word, but the same judgmental behavior) from a surprise source…our 25 y/o SON! He told us he was dating women who put ads on Craig’s List!! Shock #1. Apparently, you CAN find anything on Craig’s List! We asked how that was workin’ out for him. He said, “Fine. I’ve finally found someone who passed ‘the test’!” Huh? Shock #2. He had standards. Who knew? But as it a turns out, he was discriminating in a completely heinous way. He continued. “Yes. If they sleep with me on the first date, I don’t call them back. I mean, I still have sex with them and all–I’m not an idiot–but I won’t see them again.” My wife and I were momentarily too stunned to reply. Next question, “Umm…how many women ‘failed’ before you found this one?” “Six.” More silence. Finally, we asked about the girl who had “passed”…and the conversation turned back to a near-normal path. We understand (sort of) how he got this way–he was damaged pretty badly by two different wives who cheated on him and left him, taking infant sons, both times he went to sea–but we still can’t help but feel partly responsible. Where did we go wrong? Now he’s safely in Alice Springs, Australia, and there is no Craig’s List to date from. American women… you can sleep safe tonight. Australians? You’re on your own, ladies.
CNM

So… she’s a slut for sleeping with you on the first date. What does that make you?
- Amanda
  
  Right? That always confuses me.
- Hanna
  
  THANK YOU!
  God, those guys creep me out. If I really like someone and I am horny why should I play coy or deny myself what I want? Nothing wrong with taking it slow but not to have sex just because it’s the first date, that’s stupid. If it feels right, go for it, for christ’s sake.
August S.

You know how some people will, within the first 10 minutes of meeting them, tell you their whole life story, most horrifying traumas and deepest personal feelings? And you’re left thinking not “what an open and honest person!” but “Wow, they’ll tell that to anybody; I bet they want an audience more than real friendship.”

I think sex is the same way; to go home with someone on the first night implies they’ve meet all your sexy-time criteria, which kind of implies you don’t have loads of criteria beyond “Hot! Reasonably Clever!” Which is fine, and I wouldn’t call a person a slut for it; in fact I admire my friends who can do that, since my crippling trust issues make sure I can only sleep with people after they’ve gone through multiple and byzantine trials to prove their integrity (I make them fight bears!).

But I will say if the rules for entering your club are “fun, attractive and up for it” you shouldn’t be mad that people don’t consider it an exceptionally exclusive club*, because, well, it isn’t. But it’s probably way more fun and sexy, and you can’t keep all the adjectives for yourself.

*yes, club is being used as an euphemism for vagina. Sorry.
http://bigapplepants.com sarahnoid

Please tell me the photographer’s excerpt is directly from an email he sent you. The spelling hurts my soul.
Jessica Pauline Ogilvie

THANK YOU, The Professor. It’s really sad that he’s the only one who actually didn’t answer the question but instead came up with a thoughtful rebuttal. I think that the rest of these men are publicity sluts, and just wanted to see their answer posted on the site. They should have waited till the third time you asked.
Natalie

The professor’s answer kind of turned me on. But then again, I’m an academic slut.
- Amy
  
  Ditto.
Jamie Peck

Where do you find these awful fucking men?! Did you time-travel back to the fifties?! I don’t know a single guy who thinks like this. This is, however, a helpful reminder to everyone re: why we still need feminism. So uh, thanks, I guess?
- Jamie Peck
  
  Also, I don’t think it’s hilarious. I think it’s a huge bummer. :(
- Eileen
  
  I think a lot of men (and, honestly, a lot of women) think like this, but they know that they’re not “supposed” to. Kind of as The (possibly Classics) Professor notes – a lot of people make judgments about people who have a lot of sex partners. They’re also often not willing to ‘fess up to it, at least partly because they know that it’s sexist…but they still think that way, and if you can force them to be honest, they’ll admit to judging promiscuous women more than they do promiscuous men.
- Steph
  
  Thank you!
- Jamie Peck
  
  …and I’m not friends with any of those people. Seriously, I have cut people out of my life for getting drunk and revealing their nasty slut-shaming tendencies. I don’t tolerate this kind of fucked up ideology.
- tina
  
  Clearly, it’s guys that dont get laid a lot that have always called women sluts. They’re insecure as crap.
epilonious

“Slut” is a thing kids call each other in high school as The Highest Insult they can think of. It’s in the ‘super-mean words’ lexicon alongside “fat”, “fag” and “retard”.

Thus, if someone over the age of say, 17, starts using it in a super-serious manner… to me, it’s simply a sign of emotional immaturity or regression.
- Micah
  
  oh my god, thank you. completely agree.
Elizabeth

“A classy dress that shows side boob or lots of clevage can be beautiful not slutty at all.”

Ah side boob. Classy, classy side boob.
- J
  
  CRacking up ! Yeah I agree a side boob is so Not classy ! What a stupid comment
  
  It’s not Beautifull is revealing
  A beautifull woman’s dress shows more figure and less flesh
Mikaela

Why use models to support the argument?
Does it really prove anything? …
Meghan Keane

Jennifer, is The Investment Banker just a pseudonym for the author of The Rules, trying to scare ladies out of giving it up on the first date?
Creinauer

“Slut” is not a phrase. Just sayin…
- harlot
  
  You’re right. It’s a term, not a phrase.
Slut

Can I be 54 years old and still a slut? I’ve been monogamous for 25 years, but prior to that, I had been known to have one night stands, to pick up an occasional guy in a bar, and to wear revealing clothes (um, if going nude on a beach could be described as revealing…)

Mah gawd, these guys MUST be from an alternate reality, or from the 1950s. I came of age in the 1970s and I don’t think any of the guys I knew were as backward as most of these dudes!

P.S., I slept with my husband on our second date 25 years ago.
- ess
  
  Slut, I wish I came of age in the 1970s. It does appear the double standards are here, no?
- Slut
  
  Ess, I have always considered myself a radical feminist and was very much an activist back in the day. I am honestly appalled to read those quotes from those backassward guys. Have we really backslid that much?? Damn.
Ann

The first black model is Sports Illustrated model Ariel Meredith and the second black model is Victoria’s Secrets model Emanuel de Paula. And that’s all I have to say about this article.
An honest man

Personally, I’m just grateful to get laid. I don’t hold it against the girl. If I like her I’ll still date her (unless she wasn’t good in bed because that’s a real turn-off)…
- ess
  
  Thank you, An honest man! Kudos for your honesty and attitude. I’d like to also add: I slept with a man on the first date. And he is now my husband.
grammalori

i’m confused as to what the term “slut” means for the person labeling another as such. Is a slut someone I won’t talk to? Does she have no value as a person? Is she okay as long as she’s not talking to my boyfriend? Or is it just someone who is really promiscuous but otherwise a good person?

What I mean is that there is no one who I know on more than a superficial level that I would call a slut. It seems like a blanket term for a woman you don’t know who is somehow threatening. Like an easy way to dismiss another human being.

I’ve just never really thought about what it truly means when I call someone a slut.
Goo

I can’t help but suspect that men who “would never marry a ‘girl’* who puts out on the first date” are also the kinds of men who would also justify cheating on their wives because they don’t have sex with them as often as they want to (usually because they’re raising kids and a job).

*are we not women? girls go to school, women work.
Luis De Siqueira

This is insanity. Sleeping with someone on a first date does not make you a slut. Sleeping with whomever you want whenever you want so long as you aren’t breaking someones trust does not make you a slut.

Sluts date guys for money, purposefully make themselves look like whores, go to the gym/tan on daddies dime and aim to be as sexually appealing as possible so they never have to work.

That is a slut. Sluts weaponize sex, real women enjoy sex.
- Hmmmm
  
  It sounds like you’re just trying to play the role of “nice and understanding” guy so that you can score yourself some sluts. Well played!
- J
  
  No sleeping with someone on the first date makes you a slut and the second part you spoke about makes you a whore
  
  Your so wrong..wake up
Ian

Let me tell you what makes a woman a slut by offering an example – my girlfriend. A slut, is someone who enters into a relationship with you as if you are the only one. Leads you to believe you’are’ they only one. Lets you waste your time money, effort and life believing so, whilst at the same time is registred on sex sites and ‘social’ websites and having sex with a multitude of men and woman, threesomes you name it, behind your back. Now that, is undeniably a slut. and if i could find a stronger word, believe me, id have no hesitation in using it.
- meh
  
  how about a nymphomaniac? she might have been clinically ill. anyways sorry for your disappointment
Jim

I read these coments…. esp. by woman and can see why this world we live in is so screwed up. Lets face it the amount of abortions that we do just here in america is staggering and you can lay that at the feet of slutty behavior. Yes slutty behavior is a woman that has sex with a man or men before there married. How many broken hearts and unwed mothers and children with out daddy do we have running around because of slutty behavior. I find that woman that are sluts produce little girls that turn into sluts.
That being said I think that there are also men sluts. Men that think that sex is something that should be done as often and with as many woman as possible. They produce children they do not support and they produce little boys that grow up to be sluts.
The labling of slut is something used to cause someone to examine there behavior and hopefully with some moral tweeking change there slutty ways.
So boys and girls don’t be a slut, don’t produce sluts, find someone to love you for ever, Marry them and live happly ever after.
- tina
  
  Are you waving a flag right now too?
- Justin
  
  Jim Anderson
- Andromeda Hadouken
  
  :/ I’m not married to my my partner, but we’ve been having sex for a long time. I do not think I am a slut.
  I have never had a one night stand, I have never given fellatio to anyone other then my current long-term partner, I have never cheated on anybody nor have I ever been sexually involved with somebody who was in a relationship, nor have I been sexually involved with anyone whom my sister/friends had feelings for.
  
  So just because I am not married to my boyfriend, I am a slut?
  
  I just don’t believe that.
  
  I would say a slut is somebody (male or female) who HAS done all, or most of the above things that I have NOT done.
  
  Cheating, using, taking advantage of, allowing oneself to be taken advantage of, having sex with complete strangers, screwing around with people who have boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives… THAT is slutty behavior.
  
  I don’t think it has anything to do with marriage, not the number of people someone has slept with, only how a person goes about it. If someone is prepared to hurt other people or engage in self-destructive behavior in the pursuit of sex, that would be slutty.
  A woman may have slept with 20 plus men and not be a slut,
  while another woman may have slept with only 3 would be.
  It is about how someone goes about it, really.
meh

hahhaa private equity guy is hilarious!
Jeremy

Girls everywhere and all you emasculated “men” who are trying so hard to be politically correct at the expense of your masculinity, listen up.

Men and women are equals. This does not mean that they are equal in every single thing they do. For example, men are, on average, physically stronger than women. It is much easier for a semi attractive (even a 6/10) woman to go out and get laid. The same cannot be said about men. Men have to work at it, have some skill (game) and thereby get a woman to sleep with them. It is a LOT harder for an equally attractive man to get women than it is the other way around. This is one of reasons behind why we, as a society, naturally celebrate men who are successful in bedding multiple women; while at the same time shame women who bed multiple men.

Let us briefly visit the topic of virginity from both perspectives. Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite sex wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.

Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who’s had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don’t have daddy issues and haven’t slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.

Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.

To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.
- tina
  
  I’ve slept with men like you Jeremy. They were horrible in bed, it was all about them and getting it done fast and furiously. It’s good to know from the beginning if a guy is a selfish lover. Every long term relationship I’ve had started with sex on the first date.
roxy

Women and men are all sluts.. Its just that women are more undercover. Look Im a girl, and I’ve cheated on many guys, but I still dont consider myself a slut because I know what I want in my life, and I have a degree which most women nowadays want to depend on a guy for money and etc… Do I dress provocative sometimes?? yes! but does that make me a slut? no. A slut is really perception anyways, because for example a conservative outfit can be interpreted as being too revealing and a revealing outfit can be interpreted as being too conservative. To summarize my answer women and men can be sluts and definition of the word is always changing that by 2013 a slut is interpreted as being a good thing…. Sometimes we get horny and we need that release! but who I really think are sluts are girls who get pregnant at 16! thats disgusting.. But who cares because its happening anyways and we cant stop people from having sex!
- dave
  
  get off the illusion that you are not a slut because you are the worst kind of slut. you cheated m0re than once..
- Sunny
  
  Never mind that she may have been raped! There are plenty of people who slept with someone at sixteen, one may have just been unlucky enough to get pregnant and had the guts to stick by their kid, those people have married and had kids. I think that people would have more respect for the girls that slept with someone at sixteen and only had a few partners, and were faithful than with someone who started the behaviour you do at twenty. You shouldn’t be so quick to put down teen mothers.
corey

The problems with being a slut are:1. having sex with you is just not special anymore(what man wants that in his future wife). 2. having numerous sexual partners makes a woman dirty(harder to clean your genitalia) and therefore unfit to eat out. No man wants to think about his woman’s vagina as a cesspool.
- Kane
  
  Smartest comment I heard
Loreal Madonna

Tina You are a slut!
- Brody
  
  hell yeah! And we love our sluts. They make the world go round.
by Scarrlet

The funny thing is that you see all these men saying I d never date some one I slept with on the first date and all this shit by from my personal exprince most men will and are confident enought in themselves to not be thretened by my sexuality. This isn’t the dark ages we don’t have to choice between Madonas and whores we can accept people as people. I also men need to stop asuming that every woman wants to get married have fifty babies and live “happly ever after,” because not all of us want that. Also I don’t have any daddy issues and get very offened when people ask if thats why I like sex. I like sex because I like sex! Nothing more to say there except that I m very happy with my life as a “slut”
Vanessa

I disagree, Tina. Most people who call women sluts are, in fact, other women. And they are followed by players. Players might not call women sluts to their faces but since they’ve slept with copious amounts of women, they know a lot of sluts and thus think that most women are like that. And who can blame them?
- Steph
  
  Judging from some of the men’s posts it seems like they’d prefer a woman who plays games and uses sex as a bartering tool to secure a relationship. I am certainly no slut and am choosy whom I sleep with. However, I recently, against my better judgement, slept with someone on a first date because I was horny, I fancied the pants of him and felt alot of chemistry. Afterwards he asked me how many other men I had slept with on the first date and went onto say we could be F buddies and that’s all. Perhaps it would have been better if I had held out for a set number of dates in order to ensure I snared him into a relationship? Then I could have been a devious slut instead of just a slut!
Eva

Calling a woman a “slut” has very little bearing on the subject and rather more on the person who says it. It is of course intended to be derogatory and shaming but really it shows a fear of competition and of rejection. It is very easy for a male to dismiss a female in front of a general public because generally males are seen as superior in debate and thus certain subjects like sex and sexuality are considered off-limits to “respectable women”. Even in this day we are experiencing a Victorian age hangover of moral issues.
hornyesthusband

personally I love sluts-i’m teaching my wife to enjoy being one right now-we almost broke up because she thought I wouldn’t want THAT KIND OF GIRL when actually I had no intention of spending the rest of my life with a woman who don’t love to be dirty and drive men crazy and hey you know FUCK. in fact we’re talking about a mmf threesome soon and it’s made our sex life even hotter-some men may not want to marry a slut-but they’ll still cheat on her with one-me I’m loving life and my wife-no shame in my game
never wrong says

the problem today there are certainly much more filthy whore women than ever before, especially when they go with the black men nowadays.
- Kane
  
  Ur mother loves black men
I NEVER LIE SAYS

well since they have a different boyfriend for each day of the week, that certainly makes them a FILTHY SLUT.
I Speak The Truth Says

well gee wiz that is a very easy question to answer, so many women today are FILTHY WHORES since most of them today have a need to date so many men at one time. lets see now, the average woman today needs a least seven different boyfriends. that is one for each day of the week. THAT IS IT, and GOD forbid should they only have ONE to be with.
The Truth Says

most of the women out there now are certainly FILTHY WHORES anyway, and they are joined by the VERY FILTHY, DISEASED INFESTED, LESBIAN PIG WOMEN TOO. then again, GOD certainly created SHIT these days.
Emmy

Oh my goodness. So much hate and judgement that is being tossed around here and some of you people still have the nerves to attach God’s name next to it? Judging and hatred is just a big of sin as fornication. I think people need to remember that God is forgiving anyhow. So much so, that hopefully he can forgive all the ignorance that’s stenching up this page. One love.
http://www.facebook.com/erisriley Eris Riley

Men are nothing but worthless whores. And most of you have small useless dicks
Joe

SHIT is everywhere now.
ishita

Read almost all comments. Its such a negative world we live in.. Full of hatred and prejudice and name-calling each other like immature teens. Honestly, who am I to judge on what is slut behaviour and who is one. Its none of my business what others do in bed.
And who are others to tell me how I should live. Life is too short to live according to others’ dictat.
jan

I busted up laughing when I read the first sentence of The Lawyer’s opinion. How ugly does a guy have to be if he assumes it’s obvious that any woman who sleeps with him has no standards and has rejected all of society’s conventions and norms? What is he the Elephant Man?

On a more serious note, I have realized that there are people (both men and women) who truly believe the double standard is acceptable and feel justified in their opinion. I can’t personally force other people to change their opinions but I can decide whether or not to associate with that type of person. Therefore instead of arguing and trying to change the opinion of someone I disagree with, I simply associate myself with people who share the same or similar viewpoints as me on this issue.

Also, people need to stop placing all the blame on this double standard on men. Yes, it is men who started it (centuries ago) but it’s women (more than men) who continue to perpetrate and justify it to this day.