• Tue, Jun 21 2011

On The Latest “Young Girl Marries Old Guy OMG” Story

 

[UPDATE: Why yes, yes she does have a music video]

A story that has been making its way around the Internet today concerns the marriage of 16-year-old “pop artist” Courtney Stodden to 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison, who has played bit parts in movies and TV shows since the eighties. Far be it from me to poop all over someone’s beautiful romance, but there are some things about it that just don’t add up.

First, how is this a story? Young girls marry old guys all the time. I happen to think it’s sort of creepy for someone who remembers the sixties to swoop in on a girl who’s still in high school struggling with geometry and whatnot, but it’s not against the law in Nevada, so long as her parents sell her for a good price sign a permission slip, and it happens from time to time. The reason this is news is that someone paid a publicist to make it news. Because that is what one does when trying to break into the sub-Montag realm of C-list celebrity. Don’t worry guys, I’m sure you’ll be shoe-ins for “The Surreal Life” now!

Then there is the creepy mother who insists that Courtney is a “good Christian girl” who was a virgin at her time of marriage. Um, good to know? She also goes off on a tangent at the end of the story to insist Courtney has never had any plastic surgery, you know, in case you’d been wondering: “She is a beautiful girl. She has real breasts, real lips, she’s not plastic.”

First of all: ew. I would not want my mother talking about my lips and breasts. Second, I am calling bullshit. WHY IS SHE SO AUTOMATICALLY DEFENSIVE ABOUT HER DAUGHTER’S LIPS AND BREASTS? Duh, because they are fake. A look at her website (which, by the way, is terribly done…shouldn’t a 16-year-old have better Internet skills than this?) shows she’s got that weird, divot-less trout pout that simply does not exist in nature. Look!

As for her boobs, I’m sure we’ll all get a better look at them when she turns 18.

Now, I am not trying to say that young marriage or plastic surgery or heck, showing your boobs is wrong. I am saying that they are using people’s emotional reactions to these issues to orchestrate a media freak show, and it’s working. Look at me, playing into their hands. So why am I giving them any press at all? Because I enjoy media freak shows! Someday while watching their train wreck of a reality show, I will feel special knowing I had a small hand in its creation, and I will bask in the glorious postmodern-ness of it all. We live in strange and wonderful times, don’t we?

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  • Ashley Cardiff

    When I read the phrase “pop artist” I thought to myself, “Weird! Like Lichtenstein??” Then I clicked through and remembered I am an asshole.

    • Jamie Peck

      She might just be the most advanced pop artist of them all.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      Right?! That’s why I believed it.

  • Sarah

    Is it just me, or does she look considerably older than 16?

    • Eileen

      She does, but she’s wearing so much makeup that I’ll believe she’s 16.

    • porkchop

      Yeah! She’s like a 16 year old couger.

  • Groovymarlin

    There’s no way in hell she’s 16. She’s 29 if she’s a day.

    • Papa Geek

      Maybe the article got it wrong and the guy is 16 but she’s 51? ;D

  • Elle

    Age is not just a number. It’s also a marker of your level of maturity and life experience. People who pretend like there’s nothing with a 51 year old marrying a kid in high school are fucked up.

  • Andrea R

    I can’t believe I went on her website – thanks for that. Judging from the downward direction of her boobs in her pics, I’d say they’re real. Yuck, now I feel gross.

  • Katrina

    If that’s what passes as 16 these days, I don’t want to know how old people think I look at the ancient age of 24.

  • Danielle

    If this girl is 16 then I’m 60…

  • Steph

    Yeah, there’s no way she’s 16. She looks to be in her late 20s.

  • Lila

    She looks like she’s in her 40s. And that’s not even an exaggeration, I mean literally.

  • Sara

    When I first saw this story with that picture and the headline “51yo marries 16yo” I genuinely believed that she was 51 and he was the 16 year old.

  • macalny

    I feel dirty after looking at the photos on her website. The fact that she claims to be 16 and has photos like that – posing so seductively with her “natural” lips all pouty and her boobs thrust out, her ass in the camera’s face, etc. – makes me want to vomit. This is yet another sign of our awesome society and the way people are oversexualized at younger and younger ages. YUCK. And her parents are supportive of her actions?!?!? They too are awful and clearly just want to make a buck off her talents, if she has any. This makes me sad for the state of our society. Also, yes, she does NOT look 16, although with all the makeup she has caked on it’s a bit tough to tell how old she is. Gross all around.

  • s. york

    The thing I find the most depressing about this story is that despite the fact that the mother INSISTS her daughter has not had any work done, it’s pretty obvious she has. She looks thirty years old at least, and appears to be made of a plastic content only a barbie could beat. I think that maybe she isn’t 16 but probably closer to 28 or 29 and her publicist came up with the idea to orchestrate the marriage to revive a failed acting career. Or hey, maybe she is 16.