Are you currently lighting hundred dollar bills on fire because you like how Ben Franklin’s face gets all crackly? Crackle, crackle, Benji! Crackle your little wig! I think I went to a weird place there, also, I am poor, now. Anyhow, if that’s something you do, too, maybe you should also be buying the $1,000 wrinkles creams featured in New Beauty (print). But which one? Which goddamn one? I will help you.