Why I Love My Sugar Daddy

Ed note: A week ago, we referred to sugar daddy relationships as parasitic in an Editors Debate. A reader with a sugar daddy let us know what the relationship is really like. In other news, we are assholes.

Two years ago, I was finishing up my sophomore year in college. I had recently broken up with my live-in boyfriend of three years, and had moved back to my small, deserted hometown for the summer. I was a serial monogamist, so it didn’t take much time before I was painfully lonely. The dating pool in my town wasn’t the most appealing, so I took my search online. I was bombarded with messages from guys who couldn’t spell, took shirtless pictures of themselves in mirrors, and were perfectly content to be living in their parents’ basements. I was a driven pre-law student with a 4.0 GPA and dreams of a pitbull-esque career in corporate law. These candidates weren’t cutting it. I wanted a man who was ambitious and successful, someone who knew what he wanted and exactly how to get it. I wanted an established man.

I entered my specifications into Google, and the first hit was a Sugar Daddy dating site. “No way,” I thought. “I’m not a golddigger, I just want a man who has his shit together.” But the tagline had already hooked me– “Meet Wealthy Men Seeking to Spoil Beautiful Women!” It felt like I had just been challenged… was I attractive and charming enough to pique the interest of a successful millionaire? My mind raced. Is this thinly-veiled prostitution? Were there really men out there who wanted to buy me shoes? I like shoes! Was this going to affect how I identified myself as an intelligent, independent woman? PRESENTS! I caved. I set up a profile, paid the membership fee, and waited to see what would happen.

The difference in quality (my idea of quality, at least) between the two dating pools was… slightly disappointing. I was expecting some kind of Mensa utopia, but apparently shitheads exist in all tax brackets. Once I became more realistic about my expectations, the outlook was less bleak. There were men who read! Books! These men had careers and dreams and ambitions! I was getting messages that were entirely free of grammatical errors!

I learned very quickly that there were many different types of SD relationships, ranging from blatant prostitution/escorting to regular relationships with the perk of total financial stability. After going on a few dates and being flat-out propositioned, I decided I wasn’t into the whole sex-for-cash-in-an-unmarked-envelope deal. I received offers to be a travel companion– jetsetting to Bali or Brazil whenever a SD’s schedule allowed it– but as a busy student, that option didn’t seem too viable. I decided that I wanted a more traditional relationship, which is slightly harder to find, but (IMO) is the most rewarding. I was looking for someone who, like myself, was busy building their career and simply didn’t have all the time in the world to commit to a normal relationship. Something easy, fun, and drama-free, with a guy who could help me better myself in all areas.

After a year and a half of casual relationships with great guys, I met my current Sugar Daddy, The Lawyer. My first date with The Lawyer was… probably one of the most surreal experiences of my lower-middle class, smalltown life. After exchanging a few e-mails, phone calls, and Skype sessions (who knew 45-year olds knew how to use Skype?), we agreed to meet. Normally, a quick date at Starbucks would suffice, but The Lawyer lived 1500 miles away. Since I didn’t have a law firm to run, we decided it would be easier if I travelled to meet him. If I liked him, I could stay for the weekend; if not, I could turn around and head home. Since he was pretty high-profile, he wanted to meet in a relatively private place and, should I decide to stay, spend most of the weekend at his home. Now, this obviously raises a few red flags in terms of safety issues. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have agreed to put myself in such a dangerous situation for the sake of his reputation. However, he had live-in help, so we would never be alone together. Also, he was sending a freakin’ private jet and a driver to come get me. I rationalized that the likelihood of a serial killer having a private jet and a driver was relatively low. Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but (thankfully) it worked out.

After telling my friends where I would be, and promising to check in every hour, off I went. I had never even flown business class before, so a private jet was… well, it was fucking awesome. So much leg room! A whole plane’s worth of leg room! NO CRYING BABIES! I landed and met The Lawyer and his driver on the tarmac. He hugged me hello, and we got into his car. We started talking: likes, dislikes, college sports, typical small talk. We both avoided the whole Sugar Daddy topic, and it ended up being a pretty normal first date (as normal as a first date in the back of a limo could be). I decided to stay, and we spent the rest of the weekend watching football and bad rom-coms. He never pressured me sexually, and he didn’t bring up anything about being a Sugar Daddy until an hour before I was supposed to head home. “So, what do you need to get home?” he asked. I raised my eyebrows and asked him what he meant. I had a driver and a jet, I couldn’t see what else I would need. “Well, I mean, I want you to have some spending money… let’s see how much cash I have on me”. I stared at him as he rifled through his wallet. “Here’s some cash… let me get my checkbook, too.” He wrote me a check. I thanked him, and we went back to cuddling on the couch until the driver showed up.

During the flight home, I didn’t know whether to be ecstatic or upset. I had never been flat-out paid for my time before. Did this make me an escort? We didn’t do anything more than make out, so it wasn’t like he was paying me for sex. My other relationships hadn’t been like this, boyfriends would usually just buy me jewellery or handbags. I didn’t know if that check was some kind of slippery slope to prostitution-ville. By the time I landed, I decided to stop overthinking. I took The Lawyer at his word; he wasn’t paying me for my time, he really just wanted me to have some spending money for when I got home.

It’s been two years since I signed up for that Sugar Daddy site, and I haven’t gone back to regular dating. I’ve had a few great experiences, and I’m immensely satisfied with the current relationship I have with The Lawyer. He’s incredibly intelligent, attractive, and witty. He can make me laugh so hard, I snort. We only get to see each other a few times a month, but we have a blast when we’re together. Yes, he writes me checks and buys me presents. No, I’ve never asked him for anything. He, like most human beings, just enjoys making people (especially the ones he cares about) happy, whether it’s grabbing my favourite Chinese takeout on the way home from work, or paying my tuition so I don’t have to worry about it.

When I first got into the whole Sugar Daddy relationship world, I was worried I was going to lose myself. I didn’t want people to think I was some kind of brainless, golddigging bimbo. I was worried that other people’s opinions of my love life would somehow change who I was and what I believed in. Of course, that’s total bullshit. I’m the exact same person I was two years ago, except with more shoes and less debt. SD relationships work for me, and not just monetarily. They fit well into my busy life, and most of the men I’ve met are smart, kind, and incredibly charming. I’m in a great relationship, and I have no reason to be ashamed of it. I’m not a brazenly parasitic adult baby. I’m just an intelligent, driven, career-oriented woman with a boyfriend who likes to buy me presents.

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    • Jamie Peck

      You sound like you have your shit together, but I can’t help questioning the coolness of a guy who thinks he has to give a (much younger) woman money in order to keep her around. What is he getting out of this relationship, and why doesn’t he like women who are closer to his own age and level of accomplishment? Maybe this is just society talking, but if he was really normal, I don’t think he would be on a transactional dating site to begin with. He would be on a normal dating site (or go out into the world and meet people the good old fashioned way) and his money would not be a primary feature of his “pitch.” Remember the plot of all those movies where a prince goes out in disguise to see if he can find a girl who likes him for who he is? Would you still date him if he stopped giving you stuff? I am genuinely curious. My mom always taught me that “money and friends don’t mix,” and I think that goes double for boyfriends. When you fight, can you tell him to go fuck himself without fear of destitution? If things went south, how bad would things have to get for you to break up with him? How do your parents feel about this relationship?

      Also, you should know that I tend to hate rich people, so I’m going to be biased in my assessment.

      • Eileen

        So you’ve never bought a friend (or boyfriend) a gift? Never had a friend (or boyfriend) who made more (or less) money than you?

        You make some good points, but her basic argument is that she wants to be with someone but doesn’t have time for a boyfriend who’s around all the time, and that men with careers are more likely than men in college to be both nice guys and the kind of guy who has enough of a life that he also wants a relationship that doesn’t take up all his time.

        Also, “I tend to hate rich people” is a really nasty mindset. Hate people for who they are, sure, but don’t assume someone who’s rich is worthy of hatred any more than you assume someone who’s poor is going to steal from you. (and yeah, I’ve hated some rich people and been stolen from by some poor people, but certainly not all)

    • Jamie Peck

      Clarification: I hate people whose fortunes rest on the backs of exploited workers.

      Sure I have been bought gifts and vice versa, but it has never been the basis of a relationship. There’s a huge difference between a nice gift once in a while and taking care of someone completely. The money is the prerequisite for the relationship here, otherwise a “Sugar Daddy” website would not have been in play.

      And actually, I have dated people with more/less money than me, but we respected each other’s autonomy and abilities enough to let the other one handle it on his/her own. My current dude is in grad school and I hate to see him work so hard and be so broke all the time and wish I could help him, but I respect his autonomy as a grown ass human being who can solve his own problems. It’s my job to support him emotionally, not financially.

    • porkchop

      That is REALLY INTERESTING. I’m glad you spent the weekend watching bad rom coms, since your life is a bad rom com…

      I can’t believe you found someone interesting on that site. I would think a website like that would be populated ONLY by men looking for whores, or men so socially handicapped that thank God, they have the money to bribe women to spend time with them.

      I don’t think I could’ve taken money from that guy. Maybe it’s because I don’t need money, but still, that would feel weird.

      Thanks for the article! Really interesting!!

    • Hanna

      Generations of women fought for this woman’s right to become someone’s Sugar girl (or whatever they call them. Sugar baby? That doesn’t sound right. At all.) so who am I to judge? It’s her choice, her life, nobody’s getting hurt except for the environment because, you know, private jets are BAD. Another reason to hate rich people, perhaps?
      However, that whole “let me give you some spending money” at the end of the awesome weekend in the mansion sounds horrible and awkward. And very much like paying for it, whatever IT is.
      Face it woman, if he’s paying for your education it’s more than receiving gifts. You financially depend on him. That’s okay, people all over the world do that, men and women alike, but stop kidding yourself. Just take care that when he replaces you with a new model you don’t get kicked out of your apartment or something. Put a bit on the side, for a rainy day.
      Besides, that “spending money” act sounded very condescending to me. Then again, nobody ever wanted me to have “spending money” and wasn’t an elderly relative so I couldn’t tell if it feels that way, too.

    • andrea dunlop

      I don’t have any problem with this from a moral standpoint because I think grown-ups have the right to do whatever they please with their time/ money/ bodies so long as they don’t exploit anyone else. I’m fascinated by the non-bimbo women who go for this relationship setup; I have a friend who had some of these relationships before she was married and she was someone I respect and admire a great deal; all the same I can’t see getting comfortable with the power imbalance that it could create. I think it’s all about the difference in getting things you want vs. things you need. As Jamie said, if you can’t tell someone to fuck off because you’re worried your rent won’t get paid that’s a problem.

      All that said, with my penchant for pretty boy artistic types I am very unlikely to ever face this dilemma.

    • Travis

      It’s really depressing reading about what kind of riches American women think they deserve in order to spread their legs. I am 34 and the last girl I contacted that was my own age (an old flame from high school) has five children. No thanks! I’m lucky I live somewhere (Moscow, Russia) where I can still date girls in their early 20′s without needing to drive a Lexus or fly in a private jet. According to the Economist (28 Sep 2010) about 2/3 of Americans are overweight. http://www.census.gov says that 45.4% of New Yorkers are white. So let’s say 8% of women in NYC are white females who are not overweight. Of those, plenty of them are too old to be sugar baby candidates (let’s say over 30 – relax – you can still be a sugar mamma!) or married.

      The city, which has about 8 mil. people, is said to have a million millionaires. With all due respect to the B&T cuties (they exist), how many attractive single women between the ages of 16-28 does that leave? I’m certain that each and every one of them can find a sugar daddy if she tries. If only money was as easy to come by for the rest of us!

      • marissa

        Travis, I have a feeling American women’s problem with you has nothing to do with your lack of PJ or Lexus.

    • Anon.

      Author here. I’ll try to explain my situation in a little more detail, and hopefully it’ll answer a few questions/dispel any assumptions that are being made.

      1) I’ve been dating The Lawyer for roughly 6 months. He is the only SD I’ve had that has paid my tuition, and he only paid my tuition for this last semester (which, I might add, was the last semester of my Bachelor’s degree). Every semester before then, I paid my tuition myself, through scholarships, loans, bursaries, and busting my ass at crappy office jobs (regardless of whether or not I had an SD). I do not expect him to pay the tuition for my upcoming Master’s degree. If he offers, great, I can keep what I’m saving. If not, I’m fully prepared to pay my own way.

      2) I have always paid my rent myself, and I take care of my own bills. I pay for all my necessities.

      3) I would have dated each and every one of my SD’s regardless of whether or not they had money. I did not date these men for presents (although presents are a nice byproduct); I dated them because we had excellent chemistry. Also, like I said, these men are successful for a reason. They’re intelligent, charming, kind people, with great personalities. They’re not walking wallets. However, I will not deny that there are SD relationships that are based entirely on presents/money/etc. Although they’re not my cup of tea, I don’t see anything wrong with those relationships, as long as they involve two consenting adults.

      4) I don’t spread my legs because I think I deserve money; I spread my legs because I’m horny and would like to have sex. Neither my SD nor I believe we deserve anything. If we give each other gifts, it’s because we want to give each other gifts. If we want to spend time together, in bed or otherwise, it’s because we want to spend time together. We do not expect anything from each other, aside from respect, honesty, and kindness.

      5) My SD doesn’t date women his own age because he prefers to date younger women. I prefer to date older men. We all have our preferences. My SD looks for younger women online because he is somewhat high-profile. Unfortunately, most people think men who prefer younger women are creepy. Since he has a business to run, public opinion is kind of important. By meeting women online, relationships can be kept relatively private.

      6) A lot of comments are concerned about the potential for a power imbalance. While I understand why most people would be quick to assume one exists, that issue hasn’t come up (at least, as far as I can tell). We have a relatively healthy, normal relationship.

      7) I’m sorry about the environment. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t own a car & I always take public transportation, so maybe it balances out.

      8) I like bad rom-coms, so I’m okay with my life being one. I have a soft spot for Kate Hudson, so she can play me in my biopic.

      Hopefully I’ve been able to answer some questions, but please keep in mind I can only speak for myself and my experiences. There are plenty of other types of SD relationships that aren’t like mine. Just like every other kind of relationship, it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of deal.

      • Lindsay Cross

        I get the need to clarify your situation and what you’ve said. I’ve (often) written something and had commenters make assumptions that drive me completely insane!

        But the fact is, not everyone is going to completely support your decision or want to jump right in to their own SD situation. By all means, you have every right to date whomever you would like and have that person pay for whatever they’re willing to. If you’re happy in this situation, I’m happy for you.

        My problem is the assumption that only men who want to pay for your time, affection, what-have-you are smart, sophisticated and successful. It is possible to find an amazing and intelligent man who doesn’t want to give you spending money when you leave his home. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. It’s possible to find someone to whom you’re wildly attracted and by whom your intellectually stimulated without money being an issue at all. If those opportunities are out there and you decided to have an SD relationship instead, then obviously the money means something to you. It has to be a factor, or else you wouldn’t be getting it.

        If that’s the truth, that the money is also important, that’s fine! There’s no problem. You have every right to make that decision. I just don’t like the insinuation that you can’t find an ambitious and intelligent man unless you also agree to take his money.

      • porkchop

        Your life being a bad rom com was kind of a compliment because in a good rom com, you would be miserable at this stage. What you have going is kind of like Molly Ringwald ending up with James Spader, and him randomly being nice to her. I mean, that would be great for Molly Ringwald, but man that movie would suck.

        thanks again for telling your story!

        Cheers!

      • Jennifer Wright

        That Molly Ringwald-James Spader movie? If I had a sugar daddy I would try to get him to buy me a time machine, so we could go back in time and make. that. movie.

        Because that sounds like a really solid movie.

      • Anon.

        Lindsay- when I agreed to write a piece about my relationship, I didn’t do it to win support or to have everyone magically start accepting my situation. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, even if their opinion is that I’m a whore. I’m okay with that. The reason I wrote this piece was to tell my side of the story– so people would have something to base their opinions off of, instead of just making assumptions.

        Sorry if it seemed like I was saying good men don’t exist outside of SD sites, that’s totally not what I meant. I’ve had great relationships with ‘regular’ guys who were smart, funny, ambitious, etc. I even had a long-term, “normal” relationship with a guy I met on an SD site. For me, it was just easier to find the type of guy I was looking for on SD sites, as opposed to in my small town, or on regular dating sites.

        And for the people who feel I was giving off a my-boyfriend-is-better-than-your-boyfriend vibe, I apologize, not what I meant to do. I think Eileen got it right when she said most people give off that vibe when talking about people they care about.

    • niamh

      This is great, and I’m jealous of you not only because OMG PRIVATE JETS AND SHOES, but also because you seem awesome. I’d like to say also to some of the commenters that a lot of wealthy men in cities find it (according to my rich friends experience) tricky to date ‘normally’ because there’s an enormous amount of difficulty meeting a nice woman who can deal with the fact that you’re a whole lot richer than her- at least on SD sites you can be honest about all that and ensure that the lady in question is ready to deal with it.

      Kudos to you- but do remember to keep a little of that money in a savings account, just in caseys!

    • marissa

      This might be fine for now, but I can’t help think Anon’s missing out on learning about real relationships of mutual love and respect. While it might seem fine for now, I think that would be really difficult to tell future serious boyfriends that you were up for that kind of relationship in your early twenties. And how could future boyfriend compare to someone who hands you a check after a date?

      Unless, of course, you only want to date older sugar daddies the rest of your life.

      I guess it comes down to is that I have no respect for the sugar daddy. How can Anon take him seriously and not have a little less respect for him? He clearly is into her because she’s young and beautiful. An intellectual connection cannot be #1 on his mind, which she’s admitted. I don’t understand how you can develop feelings for someone like this when you know that looks are fleeting, and there’s always going to be someone younger and more beautiful.

      • Anon.

        There is nothing stopping a SD relationship from having love & respect. Likewise, being in a “traditional” relationship doesn’t guarantee mutual love or respect.

        If future boyfriends aren’t open-minded enough to accept my past relationships, then I’m not interested in being with them.

        I don’t determine a date’s potential by whether or not he gives me a check or a present. I determine boyfriend potential based on compatibility, chemistry, and attraction. And sometimes spelling & grammar skillz.

      • marissa

        I’ve thought about this quite a bit–mainly because I’m trying got figure out why I wouldn’t want to do this. It seems that by initiating a relationship on this type of site, you’re setting yourself up for the primary basis of your relationship to be about superficial qualities. Perhaps it could eventually grow into more, but doesn’t that set yourself up for insecurities as you age and grow less attractive?

        If you’re smart and beautiful, why wouldn’t you want the primary basis of your relationship to be more sustainable, i.e. your intellectual, personality compatibility versus physical?

      • Maxi

        wake up marissa, she’s an escort. She doesn’t have ‘relationships’, she’s flown in to have sex with men who pay her.

        >> If future boyfriends aren’t open-minded enough to accept my past relationships, then I’m not interested in being with them.

        oh brother. You really are delusional.

    • Jinx

      Perhaps it was not the author’s intention, but this article gives off a my-boyfriend-is-better-than-yours vibe. It makes me uncomfortable.

      • Eileen

        I think most people give off that vibe when talking about their boyfriends, or anyone they love, really. Which isn’t entirely a bad thing – every woman should think her boyfriend’s the best.

    • Julius

      Thinly veiled? No.

    • lisa

      i got the my boyfriend is better than yours vibe too. i dunno, my boyfriend is so smart, funny, sweet and cute that he doesn’t have to pay me to keep me around… womp.

    • Scarlet

      Wow, people are really judgmental. To each their own. Anyway, I really respect you and your relationship. I`m a young woman who is also attracted to older men, and after reading this, I think I`ll sign up for an SD website.

      • Ivan

        Hey, you have the right to do whatever you want, and we have the right to judge you – as a whore.

      • john

        Hi Ivan, then we can judge you as the loser who can’t get the girl nor the money. Douche.

    • Curious

      Author: This definitely changed my perspective, but some of these sites seem weird. Which one did you use?

    • Margo

      This is all well and good, but she’s still a whore.

      • Reston

        Correct-amundo.

    • Reston

      Sin in haste repent at leisure.

    • Yahzooman

      Yes, I’ve always been a huge admirer of Anna Nicole Smith.

    • lonetown

      Its still a power relationship. and what does it say about the social skills of a man who trolls the internet?

      Is that old fashioned of me? It just sounds so “mail order brideish”.

    • Rich Cook

      We have already discovered what kind of woman you are. We are just haggling over price.

    • apetrula

      what a loser.

    • Mark F.

      To writer: Let’s be honest: you’re a prostitute. You don’t like to think yourself that way but you know you are and now whoever reads this knows you are, too.

      Nothing wrong with being a prostitute but don’t mince words over it; denial is not just a river in Egypt.

      • Ivan

        As harsh as that sounds, you’re not wrong.

    • Nick Dorazio

      In the interest of listening to all points of view please permit me to explain why I disapprove so strongly your situation and the casual approval of it in the comments. I know it is considered extreme to say so nowadays but I’m still old school enough to think that guys who date younger girls are settling. Period. We all know it’s easier in your more mature, more secure positionto dazzle a younger woman. I believe it is a cheap and pathetic way to find someone to share your life with. There’s a reason everyone thinks little of the college guy taking his sweetheart to the junior prom. Why any woman would be interested in someone who can’t hold his own with women in his own age group is beyond me.

      But to go the next step and try to make your girlfriend happy by giving her expensive things? And you’re fine with it because he just likes to make people happy?

      You two deserve each other.

      Nick D’Orazio
      Chandler, Arizona

    • Leonore

      This is an old fashion name for this and that is the author is the Lawyer’s mistress. However she is not getting the full benefits such as housing and jewelry.

      It appears that this satisfies her desire to have a rich , successful lover. Good for her. I hope she does not fall in love. This relationship is not a committed rellationship that leads to marriage.

    • MikeD

      >”I’m immensely satisfied with the current relationship I have with The Lawyer. He’s incredibly intelligent, attractive, and witty’

      She left out the one attribute of his which is the most important to her.

      Rich.

      A guy who is rich tends to magically appear intelligent, attractive and witty to women. It’s quite uncanny how that happens.

      • lisa robin

        some woman dude, not all woman. way to generalize.

    • MikeD

      >”I don’t determine a date’s potential by whether or not he gives me a check or a present. I determine boyfriend potential based on compatibility, chemistry, and attraction.”

      It’s an amazing coincidence that “compatibility, chemistry, and attraction” happen to be tied to the size of his bank account.

    • MikeD

      >”I took The Lawyer at his word; he wasn’t paying me for my time, he really just wanted me to have some spending money for when I got home.”

      {sicker}

    • MikeD

      >”I would have dated each and every one of my SD’s regardless of whether or not they had money. I did not date these men for presents (although presents are a nice byproduct); I dated them because we had excellent chemistry.”

      Then why not refuse their “presents” if they are so unimportant to you? I cannot imagine EVER taking “presents” of this magnitude from anyone. You sound like you grew up up spoiled, and it was an easy transition for you to start taking large sums of money from a stranger.

    • john

      thats pretty cool. I hope you have fun, and dont feel guilty about needing cash to survive as opposed to angels who can live on dew. My wife would not marry me until I got a job (which is fair enough, I was trying to get one at the time anyhow, just out of school) and money is what we need to furnish our nests with.

    • Faith+1

      For all the self righteous ones posting get a grip. You think she is OK with this because he’s rich? It’s so apparently that you think it’s disgusting just because he’s rich. You are placing your feelings based solely on his money as well.

      Every relationship is a series of trade-offs. They only difference here is that he has money. There is nothing wrong with what she’s doing and the hypocrisy is pretty disgusting–not what she’s doing.

      • MikeD

        >”the hypocrisy is pretty disgusting–not what she’s doing.”

        You clearly do not know the meaning of the word ” hypocrisy”. For us to by engaging in hypocrisy we would have to be engaging in relationships with people because they are rich, and at the same time criticizing “Anon” for doing the same. THAT would be hypocrisy.

        >”you think it’s disgusting just because he’s rich”

        No, we think it’s disgusting that she’s sleeping with him just because he is rich.

        Actually it is not enough just for him to be rich – he also has to give her “presents”.

    • Jeremy Abrams

      Third-wave feminism says, if I understand it correctly, that men are pigs and women need contraception in order to have sex with them.

      Once you’ve devalued men, a woman doesn’t have to feel devalued for squeezing them for their money.

      Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but it feels like a person could only get away with a story like this in today’s intellectual climate, vis a vis the sex wars.

      • MM

        “Third-wave feminism says, if I understand it correctly, that men are pigs and women need contraception in order to have sex with them. ”

        I want to steal this quote put it on my blog. Except I don’t have a blog.

        The issue I have with sex-positive feminism is that women’s sexual choices are never allowed to be wrong. Unless they’re not having enough sex, then they must be slut-shaming everyone else.

    • Ivan

      I had a friend who was a beautiful Russian girl. She was always up front that she wanted a well to do man. She would dump men if they didn’t have enough money. So, one day, she met a middle eastern man, who was loaded. A month later, they were engaged and she moved with him to United Arab Emirates. 5 months later, he threw her out on the streets of Dubai – no passport, no money, no credit card. Needless to say, it ended badly. Just a cautionary tale of how unrestrained hypergamy can get you ladies into trouble.

    • Maze

      You do realize you’re not The Lawyer’s only client, I trust.

    • Borax

      How much do you charge for anal?

    • Robert

      You don’t understand the difference between intellect and intellectual honesty.
      Personally I think prostitution should be legal, but I suspect you have spent an inordinate amount of time (as evidenced by this article) trying to convince yourself that you are not what you really are.

    • Chuck Jones

      The practiced SD possesses a perspective advantage that the average HYT (hot young thing) does not.He knows age eventually reclaims most of one’s sexual attractiveness. She doesn’t.

      Sure its obvious…but somehow she doesn’t think it will happen to her.

      For the SD, ready cash is a good counter-strategy for age.
      The HYT does not enjoy that option.

      Her looks can provide a good means of support, but their effect lessens as years pass.

      If she doesn’t pay attention, she is soon well-past that time in life where a normal home/children/family commitment is formed and no longer a HYT.

      She then faces age… alone (unless she is very lucky),
      while the practiced SD moves on to the next HYT.

      Brutal.

    • M. Report

      ‘Red is angry, Green is jealous.’ – Joni Mitchell, who ought to know. :)

      The distinction between companion and prostitute is that the 1st class
      retains the right to choose their sexual partners, to say no;
      Sigourney Weaver’s character in ‘Half Moon Street’ is an example.

    • SB

      “I’m not a brazenly parasitic adult baby. I’m just an intelligent, driven, career-oriented woman with a boyfriend who likes to buy me presents.”

      Euphemisms are great tools for rationalization & evasion.

      The missing component here that changes ‘girlfriend’ into hooker is: The *primary* motivation for _continuing_ the relationship.

      There are plenty of older men who are wealthy, smart, charming, good looking, etc. & yada, who also have busy schedule and would be happy to have a romantic companion in the way the author describes; however, they are seeking a romantic relationship based on values worth more than money: intimacy, companionship, psychological visibility, shared interests, etc. A romantic relationship needn’t be about love. But it must be about something other than money.

      And it may even start out as whoring; but it sooner or later needs to refocus on values *other than money*. (For example, observe the evolution of the relationship in _Pretty Woman_.)

      Otherwise it’s just, ya know, a series of tricks over an extended series of years.

    • anona

      @ Nick D.: Perhaps you are overlooking one not so small item. The SD can more than hold his own with women of his own age. The fact is that most of them are bitter, manipulating, man hating feminists who wish to marry money so they can acquire 1/2 of their (now) spouses worth. In an SD setup, if he gets tired of her, (the HYT) he can call it quits, no strings attached.

    • Shaky Barnes

      Like many people you’re good a rationalizing so that you can look yourself in the mirror. But you most certainly are a whore.

      Don’t feel so bad. It’s just that evolution has conditioned females to be dependent on males and to want to nest with their shiny objects, hence it’s easy to be a whore. Some rise above that to a higher plane of existence. You haven’t.

      Not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I might hire one of you whores myself someday. It’s a win-win situation if you can live with the shame and the guilt. Being a lawyer should help you with that.

    • Noway

      I hope my smart, courageous, pretty daughter grows up to be nothing like you.

      – a loving father

    • scuba

      What kind of lawyer has a private jet?

      • Lobo Solo

        A very good one!

      • Ben

        He probably chartered it. Just checked http://www.privejets.com/ , it’s expensive as heck, but not unbelievably so. 20 grand can get you across the country.

      • moom

        “What kind of lawyer has a private jet?”

        NetJets?

    • ascoreoftricks

      This woman lawyer doesn’t know basic law.

      “A common prostitute is a woman who commonly offers her body for acts of
      lewdness for gratuity.” Common Law

    • Malta

      In the writers defense, she is obviously very young and unsophisticated. She wants to rationalize what she is doing by telling herself that these are special men and she deserves their gifts because she is special too. The men probably feed this perception. It isn’t likely that she is the first girl that they have had such a ‘relationship’ with and they know what to say. If she knew what they really thought of her, I doubt that she would be able to maintain this fiction.

      In my home country it isn’t unusual to encounter such affairs. If the girls are smart they will use the relationship to get a leg up and move on as soon as they can. These are the ones who are honest about what it is. For those who think it is something else, there are always problems. She shouldn’t waste too much of her youth being a concubine for older men.

      re: telling boyfriends and thinking they should be ‘open minded’

      This is how I know that she is unsophisticated.
      Really the last thing that you want is a boyfriend who is open minded about the fact that you were a concubine for wealthy older men. Good men are not ‘open minded’ in this way. A man who is OK with this, probably doesn’t have much regard for you, or he is so damaged that it doesn’t seem like a big deal by comparison. Men don’t want to devote their lives to women who have sold themselves for sex. How would you perceive a man who had been a prostitute? Be honest!

      • NoraS

        >> This is how I know that she is unsophisticated.

        Yes. There are a few clues that she is above her head. The fact that she believes that he’s flying her in from over a thousand miles away because she’s young and he has a ‘high profile’ is another. He’s probably married, or just doesn’t want to deal with her otherwise. The distance is to keep her out of the way when she’s not needed.

        It’s kind of sad to read about how she thinks she’s going to be a high powered attorney and all that. I hope that she’s successful, because this sounds a lot like one of those stories.

      • Paulo

        I think that her lack of sophistication was established as soon as she decided to try to promote her story through a website called thegloss.com

        Imagine if The Lawyer found out about this little stunt.

        BTW people don’t seem to have picked up on the fact that she’s been doing this with multiple men. She’s definitely an ‘escort’. It’s funny that she’s even trying to deny that. Maybe she’s a little off.

    • dlk

      Honey, that little patch ‘o fur may not have – as you claim – a price tag on it (for now, but soon …), but the rest of you does. A difference which makes no difference is no difference. Another way to label SD/HYT relations is hooker training camp.

    • werbaz neutron

      This is the kind of air head thinking that got obama elected.

      The Elvis syndrome.

      Sublimated estrus.

    • Robert Arvanitis

      If you do pursue the law, make sure you have a good editor for your briefs — “jewellery, ” “too viable.” You have no standing to mock guys who misspell on site replies if you misspeak on an actual blog post.

      And if you ever do want to have a “normal” life, make sure to find the time, in time.

    • Tom

      Insufferable, moralizing twits. Internet trolls with all the answers are a dime-a-dozen.

    • Jim

      Consider that in 10 years the lawyer will still have his money. The HYT will no longer be one. Does the lawyer’s money adequately compensate for the net present value she is trading away?

      But then, we could also argue that today’s divorce laws over state a woman’s NPV and institutionalize man as a putz.

      Maybe it is better to allow the market to decide a woman’s value after all.

      • LoboSolo

        Agreed. Marriage is high risk for man. A man who gets married without a solid, pre-nupt is an even bigger putz.

    • Snakeo

      Thank Bob for my parents. I’m not sure how they did it – because this was never directly, explicitly stated to me – but they reared me to believe that it was trashy for women to expect gifts from men, and that smart girls did not accept expensive gifts from men, even boyfriends. Smart girls got good grades, got good jobs, and supported themselves, and no expensive gift other than an engagement/wedding ring was acceptable (and even that didn’t have to cost a lot of money). I remember college friends being astonished that I broke up with a boyfriend before my birthday one year, when he had already announced that he was planning to buy me a $400 leather jacket. “Why not wait until he gives you the jacket, THEN dump him?” they asked. Because, well, that would make me a whore, was my answer. They didn’t understand my answer, and I couldn’t understand why they were asking the question.

      25 years later, I am happily married, and my husband and I both make great salaries. I can’t imagine “living off” a man. Never have, never will. Why would you ever put yourself in a position where a sexual or emotional relationship involves a transfer of cash? It still boggles my mind.

      • Miriam

        Good on you for helping to dispel the negative stereotypes.

    • RIGHTWINGRN

      Wow. Let’s skip all the sophistry and rationalization and get to the heart of the matter. Trading time and or physical affection for presents is no different than doing it for money. Try to fool yourself all you want, it is prostitution.

      • truth

        I kind of agree, but who cares? Other than it being illegal, should anyone care if they are selling their time and affections to someone else? Its your body and your time to do what you please with… and I think its a matter of preference if you would do this, its not just women, but men do it too. If you dont like it, cool… dont do it.

    • Al

      So you’re only kinda a whore, and a rationalizing one at that.

    • Whitehall

      Whereas the Party of the First part is an attorney at law and the Party of the Second part is an aspirate lawyer, it is resolved that they deserve each other amd are acting within the ethical standards of the American Bar Association.

    • LoboSolo

      What’s the difference between a woman who accepts a free meal at dinner before sex and a woman who accepts a plane ride and a limousine before sex? The second one bargained better.

      The whiney men here are envious because they can’t compete with the Lawyer.

      The whiney women here are jealous because she’s obviously young and beautiful enough to snag a real Sugar Daddy.

      You haters just need to get a life.

      • Josh

        So your point is that all women are whores?

        Because that’s what you’re claiming.

      • LoboSolo

        With rare exception (like the ones who pay for dinner and still have sex with the guy) … yes. Woman are hypergamous. It’s in their DNA.

        You can sugarcoat this all you want but the guy usually winds up paying one way or another.

        As for these two … It works. They both get what they want from the relationship.

      • A whiny girl

        I dont know LoboSolo, I’m not a jealous woman because I too have an SD relationship, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that from time to time it is taxing on me. I dont think women sleep with men because they buy them dinner (lets get real), if you’re on a regular date with someone then you were probably already interested in sleeping with them prior to them paying for a meal for you both to share. Its not like he’s buying you a dinner. You aren’t sitting there alone, eating a steak. You are sharing a meal on him. With an SD, you get involved on the notion that the guy will financially assist you and its not a relationship, its on his terms. Anyone who disagrees with that is kind of lying to themselves. My SD is wonderful but like the girl in the story we see eachother only 2-4 times per month. Not like a real relationship… and I make myself available when he wants and I know sex is inevitable and I am always on perfect behavior and I dont get too emotionally invested… its a job, lets face it. A cushy, and wonderful job…

    • Tom Billings

      I find most of the replies here are either based on crudely incompetent assumptions, or are of only academic interest. The idea that a lack of “social skills” is the only reason to use the internet for dating is foolish. What made mail-order-brides a risk for both sides is that information about the person you’d marry was so minimal. Normally, young people relied on family and friends as their filter/selection mechanism.

      Nowadays, that isn’t necessary before, much less after the first date. Just the info to get together requires enough data to lever a great deal more on the net. A thorough enough internet search, given what you’ve learned on a first date carrying your iPhone to record GPS points and other data, could tell a girl a *lot* of what she needs to know to judge the relationship’s future by the guy’s past. The real danger here is subsequent stalking by either participant.

      While I don’t use the net for dating myself, I can see why many would. Also, being someone born with Asperger Syndrome, I understand a lack of social nimbleness providing incentive all too well. Unfortunately for my prospects as a “Sugar Daddy”, I’m just far enough down the ASD spectrum to exclude that as a financial possibility.

      I find no difficulty with a woman wanting a relationship with a pre-selected male, or with a woman who is interested more in men who happen to be competent enough in that social relationship we call “markets” that they can offer presents. High financial competence often is closely linked with good social skills, because those are enablers for competence in several levels of social interaction, including markets.

      That’s what these “Sugar daddy” sites select for, and well enough that they seem well-used. The connection with money correlates with many other desirable properties in a person. Did you note that the author exclaimed over the ability of her correspondents to write in grammatical sentences? Those who do not suffer from the third kind of illiteracy (1-those who can’t read, 2-those who can’t read well enough to function, and 3-those who won’t read) will gladly select for many things that will get them someone who actually is interested in reading. If it also means you have high financial competence, so much the better for them. Not all moneyed men are truly literate, but a higher portion than normal in the neurotypical population are.

      As the author noted, just like in the rest of life, a person has to learn to avoid relationships from a Sugar Daddy site where they will feel exploited. So? Did the prospect of presents attract the lady? So? The fact is that she found many other things correlated with wealth, and that seems to be what kept her going back to the site.

      Lastly, … about the feminist idea of “power” in a sexual relationship. If a girl truly is worried about “power” in relationships, she should always carry a gun she is trained to use. Any other coercive “power” is then one she can walk away from at need, even if it means backing out the door staring over iron sights.

    • wtlf

      I tried the sugar daddy thing for a couple years and found it worked very well. It’s basically a simple trade of money for no commitment. Even if attachments form the guy can still say “hey this was an arrangement all along”. For guys who are financially succesful, confident and non-commital it is hard to be yourself and not have women fall in love. When I’m upfront about the non-commital part it’s almost like a challenge. Or maybe women come accross very few succesfull, honest men who treat them very well and they are desparate to keep them. Women for the most part are driven by a relationship – the SD experience lets us men keep a comfortable barrier. And for the smart women who have figured it out and use the SD arrangement for their benefit they can be very happy

    • TRO

      A man meets a woman in a bar and asks her if he will have sex with him for a million dollars. The woman thinks about it for a moment and says yes.

      The man then asks the woman if she will have sex with him for $20. The woman becomes incensed and says, “What do you take me for, a whore?”

      The man replies, “Ma’am we’ve already established what you are, now we’re just negotiating price.”

    • Christopher Rasch

      Girl, there’s no shame in being a whore. Be out and proud!

    • Tom

      Oh come off it. I bet most of the people throwing stones at this young women are neither attractive nor rich, and thus jealous. This sugar-daddy relationship is one of the healthier relationships I’ve heard about. There are plenty of more conventional relationships that I’ve seen firsthand that are actually filled with abuse, violence, and dehumanization. If I had a daughter I would not mind her being in a relationship like this at all.

      • EP

        I AGREE with you TOMMY!!!! Some of the respondees on here are JEALOUS, and I see a lot of men saying nasty stuff when men aren’t usually bothered by this kind of stuff. So, that means these men are probably poor/unattractive and can’t get a beautiful, smart, and fun girl to even look at them!!!

    • John

      Honey you are not a hooker. Hookers are honest about who they are and what they do. What you do is called being a whore. Stop living in denial.

    • mkj

      I was the SD in a couple of relationships in a university town. The ones who responded to my ads were usually law or business students.

    • Kapu

      An apropos quote from the British billionaire:

      If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it.
      Felix Dennis

    • ER’s

      ER’s said : that’s good to you to make an article about Sugar Daddy. Nice

    • brian

      Cognitive dissonance: it’s a helluva drug.

    • Don Williams

      I’ve never met a lawyer who wasn’t a whore, so this is merely an extra-credit assignment in law school.

    • passingby

      I have seen matriarchal societies of ethnic minorities in China. They are the most peaceful societies on Earth. A woman may have several children fathered by different men in her whole life. All the children live with her and her brothers (not fathers of her children) live with her too and help raised the children. She is the head of her household. Domestic violence is unheard of. Divorce rate? Well, there is no marriage to start with. Single parents? Unless the woman doesn’t have any brothers or other relatives.

      I am not saying we should do matrimony in any society. I am just saying we should open our eyes to other possibly better sexual arrangements…

    • V Thrash

      How cool is that?! Thank you for writing about your SD relationship – maybe if people read with a open mind then you’ll help dispel some of the myths around May-December relationships (is this an American phrase?).

      Interesting that n0-one (as far as I can see) has brought up the distinction between men and women in terms of “whorishness”. Could we consider men “whores” for trading out cash in return for sex? Which is harder to get? Which has more value in the “market”?

      I find the fact that this relationship, in particular, seems to be based on mutual affection and respect for the other partner, telling in terms of potential whoreishness. Surely it would have been easier for The Lawyer to find a high-class hooker than to establish an SD relationship (and cheaper too, if money is really the key element of this relationship).

      Lastly, WHO CARES?? Prostitution is the oldest vocation in the world. If party A trades goods/services with party B, then it’s a transaction. Moralists have yet to assign stigmatic labels to general economic transactions, why should sex-cash and vice versa be any different?

      • MikeD

        “Could we consider men “whores” for trading out cash in return for sex? ”

        Only if we’re completely ignorant of the English language and what words mean.

    • MB

      A human person, by definition (having an intellect and freewill), is not an object, and, as such, cannot be used like an object, even if it is done by choice. To use someone or to let yourself be used is not healthy for either the user or the usee, no matter how much or how little it pays. The money or gifts etc. involved don’t matter (seriously). The writer and the Lawyer are both using each other and being used at the same time and I feel sad for them both. And yes, I would love to ride in a private jet, I just won’t sell my soul to do so.

      • EP

        It’s not a use if it’s a mutual agreement… DUH!!! I’ts only using if there is no understnding of the relationship or someone has a hidden agenda. If she gives the cookie and gets nothing in return, then hes using her.

    • morganna

      Heads up girlfriend. I did the whole sugar daddy thing, but decided I was a prop to his ego. Sure, I was treated well, got to take exotic trips with him, but when I decided to step out I was punished. Powerful men have a lot of power in different places. He thought he could bring me back to his side by bringing me to my knees, by getting me fired from my current job. Years later, he still hasn’t given me up totally, despite me consulting lawyers and police for protection. Keep this in mind when you hook up with your current sugar daddy. Smart men can and do work the law.

    • Statler Waldorf

      “I didn’t want people to think I was some kind of brainless, golddigging bimbo.”

      I don’t think you’re brainless.

    • kate

      All you jealous bastards calling her a whore should just shut up. I bet if a beautiful woman offers you money in exchange for companionship or sex, you’d go running. So don’t just troll here because you are the losers who can’t get the girl nor the money. Douchebags.

      • MikeD

        “I bet if a beautiful woman offers you money in exchange for companionship or sex, you’d go running.”

        I wouldn’t go running. But I also would not go around insisting that I was an intelligent and independent man and ABSOLUTELY NOT a prostitute.

        If she’d just admit what she is, she’d get a lot less grief.

      • kate

        This is where the problem lies. Only jealous douchebags like you insist on calling her a prostitute and a whore.

        You buy your girlfriend gifts and then have sex with her, you are calling her a prostitute then. What a bastard with double standards.

        The world will be so much better without losers like you.

    • candis

      i think it’s wonderful.it works for both of them.who cares what other people think.

    • Splendid Elite

      I love this article!! Story of my life. I just recently started looking into the SDSB lifestyle. I would NEVER have thought of it previously. Now at 25, working a great fulltime job, paying tuition, wanting to go to grad school, and can’t find a decent man to date, I found that most of the men that I was attracted to were those that I want my future husband to be. Wealthy, smart, attractive and ambitious. It’s a relationship. Those that are so quick to judge have nothing going for themselves. Your ridicule is worthless. We know what we want and and the matter of the fact is that we are going to get it. It’s ambitious women like us that end up making it in the real world. Instead of wasting time, working paycheck to paycheck and cursing at someone that actually has something going for themself…find a new hobby, people.

      • Tracey

        Easy tiger, there is nothing wrong with normal or average relasionship and as long as there is mutual respect, love and commitment they can go on for many years of bliss and happiness. Struggling and working together for the things you want.

        Money really isn’t the only thing about having a Sugar Daddy. For me its very much about the support, attention and understanding he can afford to give me.

        Like they say money alone can’t make you happy, but it sure helps to be miserable in a pair of Prada shoes and having pricey private health cover

    • sugarone

      OK, so how about we all want to meet someone who is capable. Able to survive, love , look after whats important to him/her. Chemistry…
      Does he/she have money or not? …
      It just adds to the confidence if there is financial ability intact. Not yet another stress on the life you are making for yourself.
      I am speaking as one interested in such a situation.Mutual attraction + ability to live a solo life. There is alot to be said for that.

    • Mguerra310

      To me it’s ok for the woman to be a sugarbaby, but me speaking from my own personal experience, I had the opportunity of being a sugardaddy to a very beautiful girl. A 21 y/o beauty (I’m 34), that whenever we did hang out people would compliment me(for having her with me), and her (for her beauty). Eventually, I just couldn’t do it. Fhuk me giving my money to a pretty face, Lord forbid I should ever end up in prison again, and what? I can’t get get a letter because I no longer pay your cell phone, or get you high heels.
      Suggar daddy’s are exactly what they are… SUCKERS. And guess what you get when you keep sucking on a sucker… A chewed up stick that you throw away. Well guess what suggarbabies I aint no one’s chewed up stick and in reality you should be paying me because I’ll make you swear you touched a peice of heaven every nite…. Or day.

      • ME

        There’s no guarantee a girlfriend or wife will stay by your side while you are in prison… I sure as hell wouldnt. I was with 2 guys who ended up there and it wasted my precious time to be invested in those guys who couldnt even follow the law and had nothing when they got out. Its a big waste and if you dont even know if you could go back one day then clearly you arent following the right path.

    • Bee

      I don’t knock any woman’s game whatsoever, but I have one simple question for you. What are you going to do when this guy dumps you? I’ve heard of SDSB relationships that last up to five years or more, but truth be told, you’re going to get older and hotter chicks are going to come around. And before anyone says that it’s only for the money, it’s not. You might not know it, but after 2 years you care about this guy and you’ve probably slept with him. To him you’re a toy, he’s not going to actually marry you because he knows why you’re with him. This is a dead end relationship and unfortunately the only one who going to come out losing is you, because what he gives you sweetie is pocket change.

      • Truth

        I have had mine for a looooong time, he is comfortable with me and I will always be young and hot in his eyes… as he reaches 60, the likelyhood that he’s going to want a 20 something is highly improbable. He’s got a 30 something who has him emotionally captivated too now…so I dont worry too much about losing him. He’s highly invested… but you’re right, you need a job on the side.

    • Brown sandy

      Yes,I love my sugar daddy too.We met on a dating site and fell in love soon.The sugarmatchmaker dot com is good.Maybe you will find your perfect match if you take a try.