The Most Boring Fetish Is…

Oh, God, it’s all of them.

This morning, I was on the subway, listening to this guy talk about how he had done this thing to his girlfriend. Right there. In public. Talking about this thing. And I realized that all I was thinking about, while he was talking loudly about this thing – which he was clearly excited about – was how dumb it was that there was no air conditioning in that particular subway car. Most people were yawning. No one was impressed or titillated. At all.

It’s because every sexy sexytime thing you could possibly tell people about is boring now. I’m not saying it’s boring for you. I’m saying it’s boring to hear about, in the way that hearing other people’s dreams is boring if you’re not in them. After all. We’ve heard it all before.

I remember reading this article once, and I wish I could remember where it came from, about a man going to visit the sex museum in Amsterdam. And he, like the fellow in the subway car, was quite excited about it! But then he saw this group of children who lived in Amsterdam who were about 15 and visiting it on a school field trip and one kid turned to the other really bored and said, “when do you think we’ll get lunch?” They really showed him.

I’m just going to throw this out there – I think the most shocking thing a couple could possibly do, in this day and age, would be to only have silent, somber, missionary style sex. I think if someone revealed that, you would legitimately gasp. But other than that, what, I wondered, still has the potential to inspire shock in us? How jaded are we?

Periodically, I hear people worry about revealing their kinks early in a relationship and I always think to myself “why worry? There is nothing that will ever shock anyone, ever again.”

And then I thought “Oh my. The world’s gotten so terribly, terribly old.”

So Ashley had one of our favorite interns apply sexually deviant behaviors to stills from ‘The Land Before Time’. It made me raise my hand to my mouth in what I originally intended to be mock shock, but quickly morphed into real shock. Enjoy the gallery, because this is the last shocking thing in the world. It’s all over now.

Share This Post:
    • Carrie

      MORE!!!

    • Arnie

      I think you may have just ruined one of my favourite childhood movies.

      Or made it even more awesome. I can’t tell which, yet.
      I do know that I need to go watch it again, pronto.

    • Bertha Cullen

      This is AWESOME